I share a lot of PP's concerns regarding an au pair. I would probably only consider taking one on if I had a chance to meet her - I get pretty regular emails about local au pairs in the re-match program and you get to see why they're in rematch, often not the au pair's fault. I also get to hear of au pairs looking to do a 2nd year but the host family doesn't need another year.

In that case, you can meet them and they already have their driver's license, a group of friends, etc. You won't have to show them around as much.

Otherwise, we're looking at a live-in nanny which isn't that much more than an pair and there's more flexibility about hours, tasks you can ask, etc.

Thanks again for commenting, everyone. OP here. I wish we could consider doing an au pair but we don't have the space. Right now (today) I am leaning toward doing Montessori preschool with after care for my older and a share for my younger. It is a pain but I think it might work best.

There's a lot that's been said here, OP, and it seems like you've gotten some (mostly) great feedback. The one thing I'll add is that, having known many families who had au pairs, it often seemed like a lot of added work. They can only work a certain number of hours--which may not be a problem, but could be, depending on your needs. Of course some au pairs are more mature than others, but most of the families we knew who had them often ended up doing some parenting of the au pairs, since they were so young. For us, it felt like too much of an investment to risk a less than stellar situation.

FWIW, we LOVE our daughter's daycare. It's a warm, loving place that provides her with lots of structure. She's so excited to go and talks about her classmates all the time. They also have an excellent preschool, so we'll keep her there when the time comes. She's 2 now, and we also have a four month old son. We're able to keep her home with us for the first year (thanks to flexible schedules), and hope to do the same with our little guy. She goes three days/week now, and it's a great set-up.

Good luck with your decision--it all comes down to what's best for your family. No one right answer for everyone!

^^ sorry, the word "below" should not be in that second sentence.

Anonymous wrote:One big point is that budget wise we need to be under $3500 for care and preschool per month. That makes it more tricky.

You have a few options. I'm not sure where you live, but in my area center-based infant care runs below $1200-1700/month and preschooler center care is around $1000-1600/month, depending on how fancy you want to go.

You could also go the au pair + preschool route. Au pairs, both official and unofficial - like food, extra utilities, car insurance - cost about 2k/month. That leaves you plenty of room for extra activities and part time preschool for the older kid.

Live in nanny who gets room & board would cost about the same as an au pair - but you pay all the money directly to the nanny instead of portioning off a big piece for the placement agency - so that's also an option.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a nanny. DH grew up with a nanny. To us, daycare is for people who can't afford a nanny. Hiring a nanny was a no-brainer for us.

Would love your perspective on growing up with a nanny. Did you wish you could spend more time with your parents?

Not really. I had more fun with my nanny than with my mother. She clearly didn't like me, and only wanted to like, trot me out to show me off to her friends. I was happy with my nannies. When I insisted I was too old for nannies so my mother stopped hiring them, THEN I wanted more attention from my mother. She went on a ton of vacations. I felt like I spent a fine amount of time with my father until my parents got divorced and he moved away.

My husband had a nanny too, but his parents were very hands on, and the nanny was just more an extra set of hands within the family. So he'd go somewhere with his mom AND nanny.

Yawn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a nanny. DH grew up with a nanny. To us, daycare is for people who can't afford a nanny. Hiring a nanny was a no-brainer for us.

We went with a center for almost the same reason. People in our area who were poor had baby sitters. People whose parents had money could afford a fancier daycare center with a more structured curriculum. I went with a daycare because I had baby sitters as a child, and I was always bored. I wished I could've had the classes and other activities other kids had who went to centers.

Wow, that's so interesting. Can I ask where you grew up that things were like that? DH and I both grew up in NYC. Our girls have a nanny who takes them to the playground daily and classes multiple times each week, and story time, etc. They're not sitting at home all day. If that were the case, then yes, it would seem boring and daycare would seem like the better choice.

I grew up in the midwest. It is very culturally different than NYC. Most of the sitters would not drive, so the care is within their house. People with money don't live in cities. They live in the suburbs. We would never walk to a city park, because we live in large, planned communities. Centers have a curriculum where child are taught. Sitters didn't possess a high degree of education, so they usually weren't qualified to do much teaching. They certainly didn't have any training or a degree. Most of the baby sitters we see in this area do not seem to have a degree in early childhood education, and many are ESOL. We feel much more confident in the care from the trained caregivers at our center. After 2 years old, those that specialist in early childhood education are a plus for us.

Thanks for explaining. With very few exceptions (like having to travel for work) I'm mostly a coastal girl, so don't know much about the mindset where you're from. From a sociological aspect, I love how differently things can be viewed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a nanny. DH grew up with a nanny. To us, daycare is for people who can't afford a nanny. Hiring a nanny was a no-brainer for us.

Would love your perspective on growing up with a nanny. Did you wish you could spend more time with your parents?

Not really. I had more fun with my nanny than with my mother. She clearly didn't like me, and only wanted to like, trot me out to show me off to her friends. I was happy with my nannies. When I insisted I was too old for nannies so my mother stopped hiring them, THEN I wanted more attention from my mother. She went on a ton of vacations. I felt like I spent a fine amount of time with my father until my parents got divorced and he moved away.

My husband had a nanny too, but his parents were very hands on, and the nanny was just more an extra set of hands within the family. So he'd go somewhere with his mom AND nanny.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a nanny. DH grew up with a nanny. To us, daycare is for people who can't afford a nanny. Hiring a nanny was a no-brainer for us.

Would love your perspective on growing up with a nanny. Did you wish you could spend more time with your parents?

Must be nice to be able to work less than full time. For those of us who do work a full 40 hours, plus commute, 36 hour weeks are not really an option.

For us, it would have been a stretch to be able to afford a nanny. We both work 40 hours. It's between 25-45 minutes commute each way so rounding up, it's 1.5 hours commute each day. That's 47.5 hours. Since by law, you must pay time and a half for any hours over 40, that's a minimum of 768.75 per week in wages alone. Add in 7.35% FICA and you're up to $825 per week or $43K per year. Conversely we have our twins in a very good daycare center and it costs us $33.5K for the first two years and then went down to $28.5K after age 2 when the rates when down. Our daycare is usually only closed 3 extra teacher training days per year vs the 5-10 days of paid leave we would have had to offer a nanny. And when we actually advertised and interviewed, we were not getting the best respondents to our ads at the $15 rate. The best candidates wanted more than $15 or wanted some extra perk.

Thanks all. Hijackers who came into this thread to tell is that we are poor because we have to use childcare, um, okay. I'm hoping you don't have girls lest they be raised to understand that only sad poor women work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a nanny. DH grew up with a nanny. To us, daycare is for people who can't afford a nanny. Hiring a nanny was a no-brainer for us.

To me, nannies are for those who can't afford to stay home.

or those of us who love kids but also love having a job. Just as my BF couldn't imagine working outside the house, I couldn't imagine not having a FT job as well. OP, take other people's advice. Write down the pros and cons and then decide.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a nanny. DH grew up with a nanny. To us, daycare is for people who can't afford a nanny. Hiring a nanny was a no-brainer for us.

Wow, I grew up raised by my mother. I always thought nannies were for people who want to outsource their parenting.

This

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a nanny. DH grew up with a nanny. To us, daycare is for people who can't afford a nanny. Hiring a nanny was a no-brainer for us.

To me, nannies are for those who can't afford to stay home.

One big point is that budget wise we need to be under $3500 for care and preschool per month. That makes it more tricky.