Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 10:12     Subject: MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is so crazy. My son has been getting horrible cold sores since he was about 2 years old. Huge, painful ones. Obviously, someone kissed him near his mouth when he was a fat-cheeked, irresistible, little toddler. A significant portion of the public carries the virus, even if they've never gotten a sore.

Why does grandma have to kiss the face? Feet, top of the head, fine.


So sorry PP, how old is your son now? Have you tried antivirals? If you don't want to go the med route, a daily supplement of L-Lysine can significantly help.

I know a family whose newborn baby got infected by HSV1 (cold sores) by being kissed by a relative. The baby died from it. Newborn babies usually don't have an immune system strong enough to fight HSV1 infections and it can lead to organ failure.

OP, make sure MIL doesn't kiss baby if she has a visible cold sore! It can still spread when a cold sore isn't present, but it does reduce the chances if there isn't one present at the time.


I don't understand why you are even stating this. Wtf does it have to do with her MIL?
Shouldn't the rule be that no one who has a cold sore should kiss the baby? OP has given no indication that her MIL had a cold sore. One would think this would have been included in the original post, as it would clearly change the reactions.


I mean, yeah, that's obvious....but cold sores can still be transmitted if there is no cold sore present - during asymptomatic viral shedding.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 10:09     Subject: MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is so crazy. My son has been getting horrible cold sores since he was about 2 years old. Huge, painful ones. Obviously, someone kissed him near his mouth when he was a fat-cheeked, irresistible, little toddler. A significant portion of the public carries the virus, even if they've never gotten a sore.

Why does grandma have to kiss the face? Feet, top of the head, fine.


So sorry PP, how old is your son now? Have you tried antivirals? If you don't want to go the med route, a daily supplement of L-Lysine can significantly help.

I know a family whose newborn baby got infected by HSV1 (cold sores) by being kissed by a relative. The baby died from it. Newborn babies usually don't have an immune system strong enough to fight HSV1 infections and it can lead to organ failure.

OP, make sure MIL doesn't kiss baby if she has a visible cold sore! It can still spread when a cold sore isn't present, but it does reduce the chances if there isn't one present at the time.


Shouldn't the rule be that no one who has a cold sore should kiss the baby? OP has given no indication that her MIL had a cold sore. One would think this would have been included in the original post, as it would clearly change the reactions.


I mean, yeah, that's obvious....but cold sores can still be transmitted if there is no cold sore present - during asymptomatic viral shedding.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 10:08     Subject: MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two kids born at 28 weeks who spent 2 months in the nicu and made everyone in the extended family get multiple vaccinations (and provide documentation), you are crazy. Just have people wash up when they get to your house.

Screen time, schedule, diet, religion, etc - all things you can and should control with your progeny. Kisses? Come on. How do you even have the time to count kisses? Take a nap, have an adult conversation, read a book, take a walk. Use the MIL to give you a break. If you continue down this road you will suffer a break of a whole different kind.


Who are you to decide what bother OP? She may feel as strongly about germs as you do about screen time or anything else on your list of acceptable restrictions above.


Oh god, the feelings person! Shows up in every thread where someone is complaining about something ridiculous and tells everyone we have no right to judge the OP's feelings.

Some people's feelings are ridiculous. They should be told that so they don't go around alienating people and acting crazy.


I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've posted about validating "feelings." You're being a bit dramatic, PP. Anyway, I think it's silly for one person to list the things they deem acceptable for OP to control while scoffing at something that doesn't make on her personal list. Many people would deem some items on PPs list as being "crazy, controlling and unhinged" but it's her child and I won't call her insane for deciding what is important to her family, even if it's a non-issue in my world -- making those decisions for your own family is called being a parent. As far as OPs concerns, there are actual real health risks with people kissing babies faces and for some, they feel family is reason enough to take that risk, but for others, nothing is worth that risk. And if, as other PPs have mentioned, not being able to kiss the newborn hundreds of times is going to "ruin" MILs relationship with her grandchild down the road, then MIL needs to own that. Get a grip, PPs, and try to understand that people are complex individuals who oftentimes process the world differently.



"But I FEEL this way!" isn't a blank check to do whatever you want. OP is a FTM, posting her problem on a message board for discussion. The vast majority of the PPs, including me, are telling her that (1) her feelings are well outside the bell curve of what most people would be concerned with, (2) she is likely finding it very difficult to gain perspective on this issue due to the hormonal changes, sleep deprivations and general mindfuck that is having your first baby, and as such will likely regret making a big deal out of this when things settle down, and (3) this is not the hill she wants to die on.

At the end of the day, of course it's up to OP to decide how she will respond to her feelings, and live with the consequences.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 10:06     Subject: MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
Anonymous wrote:I guess it's okay to disregard the parents wishes and do whatever you want to someone else's child just because you think it's nonsense.


I get what you are trying to say...but once the OP's mind clears, she really needs to think about whether her wishes are "reasonable" within the framework of a loving family. The grandparent's actions come from a place of love and adoration. To trample on those feelings now sets a horrible precedent and will do damage to the grandparent relationship that will never be repaired.

Becaause, trust me, if the grandparents ignored the baby or had little to do with DC, OP would take issue with that also.

Limiting or denying access to the grandparents - or threatening it whenever they do something she does not like - creates an awful family dynamic.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 10:03     Subject: MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is so crazy. My son has been getting horrible cold sores since he was about 2 years old. Huge, painful ones. Obviously, someone kissed him near his mouth when he was a fat-cheeked, irresistible, little toddler. A significant portion of the public carries the virus, even if they've never gotten a sore.

Why does grandma have to kiss the face? Feet, top of the head, fine.


So sorry PP, how old is your son now? Have you tried antivirals? If you don't want to go the med route, a daily supplement of L-Lysine can significantly help.

I know a family whose newborn baby got infected by HSV1 (cold sores) by being kissed by a relative. The baby died from it. Newborn babies usually don't have an immune system strong enough to fight HSV1 infections and it can lead to organ failure.

OP, make sure MIL doesn't kiss baby if she has a visible cold sore! It can still spread when a cold sore isn't present, but it does reduce the chances if there isn't one present at the time.


Shouldn't the rule be that no one who has a cold sore should kiss the baby? OP has given no indication that her MIL had a cold sore. One would think this would have been included in the original post, as it would clearly change the reactions.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 09:53     Subject: MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is so crazy. My son has been getting horrible cold sores since he was about 2 years old. Huge, painful ones. Obviously, someone kissed him near his mouth when he was a fat-cheeked, irresistible, little toddler. A significant portion of the public carries the virus, even if they've never gotten a sore.

Why does grandma have to kiss the face? Feet, top of the head, fine.


So sorry PP, how old is your son now? Have you tried antivirals? If you don't want to go the med route, a daily supplement of L-Lysine can significantly help.

I know a family whose newborn baby got infected by HSV1 (cold sores) by being kissed by a relative. The baby died from it. Newborn babies usually don't have an immune system strong enough to fight HSV1 infections and it can lead to organ failure.

OP, make sure MIL doesn't kiss baby if she has a visible cold sore! It can still spread when a cold sore isn't present, but it does reduce the chances if there isn't one present at the time.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 09:50     Subject: MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two kids born at 28 weeks who spent 2 months in the nicu and made everyone in the extended family get multiple vaccinations (and provide documentation), you are crazy. Just have people wash up when they get to your house.

Screen time, schedule, diet, religion, etc - all things you can and should control with your progeny. Kisses? Come on. How do you even have the time to count kisses? Take a nap, have an adult conversation, read a book, take a walk. Use the MIL to give you a break. If you continue down this road you will suffer a break of a whole different kind.


Who are you to decide what bother OP? She may feel as strongly about germs as you do about screen time or anything else on your list of acceptable restrictions above.


Oh god, the feelings person! Shows up in every thread where someone is complaining about something ridiculous and tells everyone we have no right to judge the OP's feelings.

Some people's feelings are ridiculous. They should be told that so they don't go around alienating people and acting crazy.


I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've posted about validating "feelings." You're being a bit dramatic, PP. Anyway, I think it's silly for one person to list the things they deem acceptable for OP to control while scoffing at something that doesn't make on her personal list. Many people would deem some items on PPs list as being "crazy, controlling and unhinged" but it's her child and I won't call her insane for deciding what is important to her family, even if it's a non-issue in my world -- making those decisions for your own family is called being a parent. As far as OPs concerns, there are actual real health risks with people kissing babies faces and for some, they feel family is reason enough to take that risk, but for others, nothing is worth that risk. And if, as other PPs have mentioned, not being able to kiss the newborn hundreds of times is going to "ruin" MILs relationship with her grandchild down the road, then MIL needs to own that. Get a grip, PPs, and try to understand that people are complex individuals who oftentimes process the world differently.



Not the PP who responded to your post but the problem with your reasoning is that it becomes inappropriate to question just about most people's behavior and interactions because each individual has their own values and preferences.

When the OP reacts in a bizarre manner - at least bizarre by the standards of most people as evidenced by the reaction of those responding to her - there is nothing wrong in pointing it out to her. She can still do whatever the hell she wants and she more than likely will do so.

I can understand if MIL or anyone else had a cold or some sort of infection she might spread kissing the baby but in the real world everyone - including babies - are exposed to all sorts of germs and bacteria. Trying to insulate one's baby from anything and everything that may be potentially harmful including the MIL actions with the baby is outright weird. Does she feel the same way about kissing her own baby or her husband kissing the baby? If not, why not? It is potentially just as harmful unless the reasoning is that as parents they have the right to do so and if it results in the baby getting infected then that is their prerogative.

OP's behavior and reaction to her MIL is bizarre ........ and if someone wants to describe it as borderline crazy, I'd likely agree. And I also agree with the PP who said that her reaction to this is probably not an isolated incident.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 09:37     Subject: MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two kids born at 28 weeks who spent 2 months in the nicu and made everyone in the extended family get multiple vaccinations (and provide documentation), you are crazy. Just have people wash up when they get to your house.

Screen time, schedule, diet, religion, etc - all things you can and should control with your progeny. Kisses? Come on. How do you even have the time to count kisses? Take a nap, have an adult conversation, read a book, take a walk. Use the MIL to give you a break. If you continue down this road you will suffer a break of a whole different kind.


Who are you to decide what bother OP? She may feel as strongly about germs as you do about screen time or anything else on your list of acceptable restrictions above.


Oh god, the feelings person! Shows up in every thread where someone is complaining about something ridiculous and tells everyone we have no right to judge the OP's feelings.

Some people's feelings are ridiculous. They should be told that so they don't go around alienating people and acting crazy.


I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've posted about validating "feelings." You're being a bit dramatic, PP. Anyway, I think it's silly for one person to list the things they deem acceptable for OP to control while scoffing at something that doesn't make on her personal list. Many people would deem some items on PPs list as being "crazy, controlling and unhinged" but it's her child and I won't call her insane for deciding what is important to her family, even if it's a non-issue in my world -- making those decisions for your own family is called being a parent. As far as OPs concerns, there are actual real health risks with people kissing babies faces and for some, they feel family is reason enough to take that risk, but for others, nothing is worth that risk. And if, as other PPs have mentioned, not being able to kiss the newborn hundreds of times is going to "ruin" MILs relationship with her grandchild down the road, then MIL needs to own that. Get a grip, PPs, and try to understand that people are complex individuals who oftentimes process the world differently.

Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 09:07     Subject: MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two kids born at 28 weeks who spent 2 months in the nicu and made everyone in the extended family get multiple vaccinations (and provide documentation), you are crazy. Just have people wash up when they get to your house.

Screen time, schedule, diet, religion, etc - all things you can and should control with your progeny. Kisses? Come on. How do you even have the time to count kisses? Take a nap, have an adult conversation, read a book, take a walk. Use the MIL to give you a break. If you continue down this road you will suffer a break of a whole different kind.


Who are you to decide what bother OP? She may feel as strongly about germs as you do about screen time or anything else on your list of acceptable restrictions above.


Just because she feels this way doesn't mean she should act on it.

Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 09:05     Subject: Re:MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
Anonymous wrote:Which grandma can resist these cheeks?



Mmmmmmmm, babies. Nomnomnomnomnom.

OP, relax. Seriously. Other people loving your baby is a good thing. Don't tank your relationship with your MIL (and your baby's relationship with his grandma) over this.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 08:58     Subject: MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two kids born at 28 weeks who spent 2 months in the nicu and made everyone in the extended family get multiple vaccinations (and provide documentation), you are crazy. Just have people wash up when they get to your house.

Screen time, schedule, diet, religion, etc - all things you can and should control with your progeny. Kisses? Come on. How do you even have the time to count kisses? Take a nap, have an adult conversation, read a book, take a walk. Use the MIL to give you a break. If you continue down this road you will suffer a break of a whole different kind.


Who are you to decide what bother OP? She may feel as strongly about germs as you do about screen time or anything else on your list of acceptable restrictions above.


Oh god, the feelings person! Shows up in every thread where someone is complaining about something ridiculous and tells everyone we have no right to judge the OP's feelings.

Some people's feelings are ridiculous. They should be told that so they don't go around alienating people and acting crazy.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 08:55     Subject: MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two kids born at 28 weeks who spent 2 months in the nicu and made everyone in the extended family get multiple vaccinations (and provide documentation), you are crazy. Just have people wash up when they get to your house.

Screen time, schedule, diet, religion, etc - all things you can and should control with your progeny. Kisses? Come on. How do you even have the time to count kisses? Take a nap, have an adult conversation, read a book, take a walk. Use the MIL to give you a break. If you continue down this road you will suffer a break of a whole different kind.


Who are you to decide what bother OP? She may feel as strongly about germs as you do about screen time or anything else on your list of acceptable restrictions above.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 08:43     Subject: Re:MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
Give it a couple of years and OP will be posting about how MIL is indifferent to her grandchild and wanting sympathy.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 08:31     Subject: MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
I don't think OP is so crazy. My son has been getting horrible cold sores since he was about 2 years old. Huge, painful ones. Obviously, someone kissed him near his mouth when he was a fat-cheeked, irresistible, little toddler. A significant portion of the public carries the virus, even if they've never gotten a sore.

Why does grandma have to kiss the face? Feet, top of the head, fine.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2014 08:20     Subject: MIL Won't stop kissing newborn
As a parent of two kids born at 28 weeks who spent 2 months in the nicu and made everyone in the extended family get multiple vaccinations (and provide documentation), you are crazy. Just have people wash up when they get to your house.

Screen time, schedule, diet, religion, etc - all things you can and should control with your progeny. Kisses? Come on. How do you even have the time to count kisses? Take a nap, have an adult conversation, read a book, take a walk. Use the MIL to give you a break. If you continue down this road you will suffer a break of a whole different kind.