Anonymous wrote:It is a sign of desperation to jump into a new relationship before the last one is even done. Obviously to some people marriage is pretty meaningless so they don't care about ending it before starting another relationship but I would run from any one who wanted to get into a serious relationship while they were still married and detangling themselves from that one.

Anonymous wrote:In VA, you need to have been separated for a year to file for divorce. If he hasn't filed yet, is that because it's been less than a year since he moved out? I would hesitate to date some one who hasn't taken a year to re-organize his personal life after a marriage falling apart. If it's been more than a year and the divorced hasn't been filed for, why?

Obviously we have no idea who you're talking about but the the recent divorcee I know is moving out of the country soon and it's not clear he's told his girlfriend that. I'd be very careful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy who went through this, I had put a lot of effort into personal counseling and couples counseling during the brief marriage. I knew what I wanted, and my ex was unwilling to work on her issues. After it reached the point where I gave her an ultimatum and we agreed to divorce, she moved out and away.

I started dating while I was separated because I was emotionally comfortable with myself and what had happened, and I knew that I wanted to be in a relationship and wanted to have children.

The fact that I was only separated was a deal-breaker for some women. For others it wasn't. I started dating my DW before the divorce was finalized, and my being separated wasn't an issue for her. She understood where I was emotionally regarding my previous marriage, and the I was sufficiently over that relationship to date her. We're now married.

This is a long way of saying it can work, and you should evaluate the guy based on his circumstances. While the warnings from DCUM are valid, you should use them to inform your decision, not instead of making your own decision.

Seeing someone just like you and we are already talking marriage. We both know what we really want and this outcome wasn't initially sought but fell into place naturally.

You sound a lot like my husband! Except that he was married for 10 years, the limit he set for himself on the day he married his pregnant then-girlfriend. He put his all into making the marriage work, but shortly before the ten year mark, she asked for a divorce. It had been over for a long time before that though. We began dating months after he moved out, were married 2 years later, just had a baby....

Be very cautious, but you don't need to automatically write him off.

So

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy who went through this, I had put a lot of effort into personal counseling and couples counseling during the brief marriage. I knew what I wanted, and my ex was unwilling to work on her issues. After it reached the point where I gave her an ultimatum and we agreed to divorce, she moved out and away.

I started dating while I was separated because I was emotionally comfortable with myself and what had happened, and I knew that I wanted to be in a relationship and wanted to have children.

The fact that I was only separated was a deal-breaker for some women. For others it wasn't. I started dating my DW before the divorce was finalized, and my being separated wasn't an issue for her. She understood where I was emotionally regarding my previous marriage, and the I was sufficiently over that relationship to date her. We're now married.

This is a long way of saying it can work, and you should evaluate the guy based on his circumstances. While the warnings from DCUM are valid, you should use them to inform your decision, not instead of making your own decision.

Seeing someone just like you and we are already talking marriage. We both know what we really want and this outcome wasn't initially sought but fell into place naturally.

Anonymous wrote:As a guy who went through this, I had put a lot of effort into personal counseling and couples counseling during the brief marriage. I knew what I wanted, and my ex was unwilling to work on her issues. After it reached the point where I gave her an ultimatum and we agreed to divorce, she moved out and away.

I started dating while I was separated because I was emotionally comfortable with myself and what had happened, and I knew that I wanted to be in a relationship and wanted to have children.

The fact that I was only separated was a deal-breaker for some women. For others it wasn't. I started dating my DW before the divorce was finalized, and my being separated wasn't an issue for her. She understood where I was emotionally regarding my previous marriage, and the I was sufficiently over that relationship to date her. We're now married.

This is a long way of saying it can work, and you should evaluate the guy based on his circumstances. While the warnings from DCUM are valid, you should use them to inform your decision, not instead of making your own decision.

Anonymous wrote:Ask to see the paperwork.

If he sleeps with you he could be found at fault in his divorce.

Personally, I wouldn't engage. Separation means less than a year after several years in a relationship. No matter what he says, he only wants to get laid and is not going to be emotionally available.

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, why do folks get remarried so quickly? No time for self or to enjoy being single for a bit? Seems a bit desperate.