Anonymous
Post 02/16/2014 22:58     Subject: Re:"No Gifts Please" - first birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The only things "no gifts please" means is that they don't want you to bring a gift. If you think it's presumptuous and you wouldn't have brought a gift anyway -- which, I have to say, is a bit disingenuous since the main argument is that people are going to bring gifts no matter what -- then hey, now you really don't have to worry. If you insist on getting the child a gift, you can give it to them at another time. My child has a couple of close friends with whom we always exchange gifts, but we do not bring them to the party if we are asked not to.

If your child expresses concern that they are not bringing a gift, you can tell them, "Susie asked for us not to bring a gift to this party. Let's make her a card."

I don't understand all the consternation.


Go read the s/o no boxed gifts. Lots of people think it is tacky to tell people what to do. Bringing a gift to a birthday or a wedding or a shower etc is just generally something people do. If they don't want to, they don't have to. If you want to go against social norms and do something different and as such you have to write instructions about this on your invitation - lots of people will think it is tacky. But you can still do it.


"No boxed gifts" is tacky. "Bring X kind of gift" is tacky (unless it's a themed bridal shower). "No gifts please" on a child's birthday party invitation is totally fine. People who think otherwise have social insecurities about showing up empty handed or they want a lot of gifts for their own children and resent that no gifts parties have become increasingly popular.

In a world where so many people invite the whole class to a birthday party, gifts can become excessive fast.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2014 22:48     Subject: "No Gifts Please" - first birthday
Anonymous wrote:I've been to a few no gift parties lately, and guests have brought gifts anyway. It made me feel like a total shit for not bringing anything. Just don't mention anything on your invitation. If you don't want to keep the presents, donate them to someone who can use them. No gift parties make me think that the hosts are trying too hard to be low maintenance/not wasteful like the rest of us. It's a great idea in theory, but know that you are creating a really awkward situation for someone who takes you at your word (i.e, Me).

Anyway, it's your child's first birthday. Enjoy it and don't overthink the details! Congratulations!


This.

To me, being asked not to bring a gift to a party/housewarming/wedding feels similar to if the invitation had read "no pants, please."

Anonymous
Post 02/16/2014 22:44     Subject: "No Gifts Please" - first birthday
OP - just make sure that if you do no gifts that you don't then give out gifts. Nothing worse than someone who says no gifts then hands out party favors.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2014 22:41     Subject: Re:"No Gifts Please" - first birthday
Anonymous wrote:The only things "no gifts please" means is that they don't want you to bring a gift. If you think it's presumptuous and you wouldn't have brought a gift anyway -- which, I have to say, is a bit disingenuous since the main argument is that people are going to bring gifts no matter what -- then hey, now you really don't have to worry. If you insist on getting the child a gift, you can give it to them at another time. My child has a couple of close friends with whom we always exchange gifts, but we do not bring them to the party if we are asked not to.

If your child expresses concern that they are not bringing a gift, you can tell them, "Susie asked for us not to bring a gift to this party. Let's make her a card."

I don't understand all the consternation.


Go read the s/o no boxed gifts. Lots of people think it is tacky to tell people what to do. Bringing a gift to a birthday or a wedding or a shower etc is just generally something people do. If they don't want to, they don't have to. If you want to go against social norms and do something different and as such you have to write instructions about this on your invitation - lots of people will think it is tacky. But you can still do it.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2014 22:34     Subject: Re:"No Gifts Please" - first birthday
The only things "no gifts please" means is that they don't want you to bring a gift. If you think it's presumptuous and you wouldn't have brought a gift anyway -- which, I have to say, is a bit disingenuous since the main argument is that people are going to bring gifts no matter what -- then hey, now you really don't have to worry. If you insist on getting the child a gift, you can give it to them at another time. My child has a couple of close friends with whom we always exchange gifts, but we do not bring them to the party if we are asked not to.

If your child expresses concern that they are not bringing a gift, you can tell them, "Susie asked for us not to bring a gift to this party. Let's make her a card."

I don't understand all the consternation.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2014 22:29     Subject: "No Gifts Please" - first birthday
^ No boxed gifts means cash or checks only. And yes, it is incredibly tacky, but has become very common in some communities.

I like the donation thing on principle, but as a guest I can see how it would just be more annoying. I suppose it's best not to say anything.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2014 22:18     Subject: "No Gifts Please" - first birthday
What is meant by the 'no boxed gifts'? they want you to take your gift out of the box or is that a way to say only checks and cash without saying it? I have never seen that term.

I too dislike when I am told what to do and what to get or not get. Just sounds high maintenance. Unless it is a close friend, I would just skip the party as they are likely to be someone easily offended. I would probably do something wrong at the party - like give my kid juice and be looked down on anyways.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2014 22:01     Subject: "No Gifts Please" - first birthday
I dont like the "no gifts" line for kid parties generally. My child has learned it is socially appropriate to bring a present when invited to celebrate a friend's birthday. So i generally ignore the no gift requests.

However, i think for a first birthday party it is okay. The baby is too young to care, and most first birthday parties are often all adults. Very different than a party of 4 year olds.

I Do hate when a host tries to direct the guest on the tupe of gift or donation. No gifts would be better (which again i would ignore).
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2014 21:45     Subject: Re:"No Gifts Please" - first birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Or be like the Indians, my neighbors, whose weddings, birthday parties I have been to...unabashedly right no gifts and flowers please. Checks and cash are expected.


* write not right, on their invitation cards.


I'm sorry. I don't know a single Indian who would write "Checks and cash are expected" on an invitation. That's ridiculous!! I'm 22:01, and I'm Indian..and I would find that incredibly offensive (and I find your post incredibly offensive also). I have seen before, "No boxed gifts please." And I, and most everyone else, found it incredibly offensive (as, it turned out, were many other aspects of that particular wedding).


Yeah, I am Indian and I agree. I saw "No boxed gifts" on one invitation and thought it was really tacky.

I can't believe I have to say this, but just because your Indian neighbors are rude doesn't mean that they represent all "the Indians." My white neighbors are total cheapskates, but I am not so stupid (or racist) to assert that all white people are cheapskates.



Not the PP who wrote the initial comment. But I believe she meant that checks and cash are expected by them, not that they wrote it but by saying no boxed gifts, it was implied.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2014 21:43     Subject: Re:"No Gifts Please" - first birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Or be like the Indians, my neighbors, whose weddings, birthday parties I have been to...unabashedly right no gifts and flowers please. Checks and cash are expected.


* write not right, on their invitation cards.


I'm sorry. I don't know a single Indian who would write "Checks and cash are expected" on an invitation. That's ridiculous!! I'm 22:01, and I'm Indian..and I would find that incredibly offensive (and I find your post incredibly offensive also). I have seen before, "No boxed gifts please." And I, and most everyone else, found it incredibly offensive (as, it turned out, were many other aspects of that particular wedding).


Yeah, I am Indian and I agree. I saw "No boxed gifts" on one invitation and thought it was really tacky.

I can't believe I have to say this, but just because your Indian neighbors are rude doesn't mean that they represent all "the Indians." My white neighbors are total cheapskates, but I am not so stupid (or racist) to assert that all white people are cheapskates.


NP. I am Indian and it is very common to write no boxed gifts on the invitations. We have a very large family here and I have been to several weddings, birthday parties, naming ceremonies and 9 times out of 10 the 'request' is no boxed gifts please. Only once did I see, no gifts of any kind, only your attendance and blessings or some such.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2014 16:51     Subject: Re:"No Gifts Please" - first birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Or be like the Indians, my neighbors, whose weddings, birthday parties I have been to...unabashedly right no gifts and flowers please. Checks and cash are expected.


* write not right, on their invitation cards.


I'm sorry. I don't know a single Indian who would write "Checks and cash are expected" on an invitation. That's ridiculous!! I'm 22:01, and I'm Indian..and I would find that incredibly offensive (and I find your post incredibly offensive also). I have seen before, "No boxed gifts please." And I, and most everyone else, found it incredibly offensive (as, it turned out, were many other aspects of that particular wedding).


Yeah, I am Indian and I agree. I saw "No boxed gifts" on one invitation and thought it was really tacky.

I can't believe I have to say this, but just because your Indian neighbors are rude doesn't mean that they represent all "the Indians." My white neighbors are total cheapskates, but I am not so stupid (or racist) to assert that all white people are cheapskates.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2014 15:11     Subject: Re:"No Gifts Please" - first birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Or be like the Indians, my neighbors, whose weddings, birthday parties I have been to...unabashedly right no gifts and flowers please. Checks and cash are expected.


* write not right, on their invitation cards.


I'm sorry. I don't know a single Indian who would write "Checks and cash are expected" on an invitation. That's ridiculous!! I'm 22:01, and I'm Indian..and I would find that incredibly offensive (and I find your post incredibly offensive also). I have seen before, "No boxed gifts please." And I, and most everyone else, found it incredibly offensive (as, it turned out, were many other aspects of that particular wedding).