My parents live in Europe and no speaky English, his parents live in South America and no speaky English.

My parents are divorced. Dad has been friendly with ILs when they see each other in person, which is rare bc we are scattered all over the country, but they have never contacted each other outside of our family events (eg our wedding).

My mom and MIL did start to form more of a friendship, albeit a casual and long-distance one. Occasional phone calls, invitations to joint family holiday gatherings, a couple of treasured joint vacations - particularly after DC1 was born. Sadly, MIL passed away not long after that. FIL has mental health issues that he refuses to treat and is hard for even DH to spend time with. The IL relationship basically ended when MIL died.

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs openly despise each other. It's horrible and stressful when planning when they can see DC. They refuse to see each other and my mom and MIL get extremely jealous if they believe that the other sees DC for .00001 seconds more than the other. It's HORRIBLE.

Ooh, I want this PP to elaborate. What's the deal with that feud?

My parents and ILs have only met in person once, but seem to get along well. They have similar values and politics, so that helps. I know they exchange Christmas cards and I'm guessing they might contact each other occasionally besides that, but I don't hear about it. I suppose I should try to get them together more often, but ILs are not very mobile and the current arrangement seems to work well enough.

Anonymous wrote:

I find it bizarre when IL's have never met after 20 years of marriage--weird.

New poster here. This is our situation. My parents have only met DH's mother twice, including once at our wedding, but have never met his father, brother, sister, or other family members. We've been married 10 years. My parents live on the West Coast, his parents on the East Coast, so no opportunities for them to meet.

My parents and in laws are cordial but in no way close. They have only met a couple times. Dh and I eloped, so they didn't even meet til after we were married. They just have very different personalities. In laws are very shy and intimidated by most people, and my parents are well, not.

My husband's parents are both remarried so I have two MILS (DH's mom and stepmom).

My mother is friends with his stepmom. They send each other cards and talk on the phone every few weeks. Step-MIL really made an effort to reach out to my mother and befriend her.

She has no relationship with my DH's mother, though. They barely talked at our wedding.

Anonymous wrote:In laws and parents need to honor the unique role each holds in the lives of their children. Friendly is best without becoming confidants - nothing that could result in drama for the couple.

They are friendly and polite. Wishing each other at holidays and anniversaries and such like. Calling each other when someone is ill etc.

They live in different cities. Both my ILs and parents are not nosy, so there is no questioning. I like it like that.

When they meet in each other's house they are treated like honored guests. No drama and good conversation.

Anonymous wrote:For those with friendly in laws - are your families similar in the type of place you grew up and your socioeconomic status?

If one set is working class or middle class and/or from a flyover state and another set is upper-middle, country club, set big city or fancy suburb on a coast what is their relationship like? Do they get along?

My parents and inlaws were all born the same year. They are completely similar in HHI, or at least they live like they are (I've no idea how much they earn, but their houses are about exactly the same in size and style and the type of neighborhoods they live in), and in general they seem to be of the same ses. My parent grew up urban, and my inlaws grew up more rural, but it seems like they all came from somewhat low-income families, and were born of depression-era parents, so they can relate to each other while they're at our house and both reprimanding me for tossing the Country Crock butter tub in the recycling, rather than putting leftovers in it.

My parents and my inlaws became friends pretty early on. They get together to play cards and go out to eat all the time.

Now that DH and I have a child (he's 2), there's a bit of a weird dynamic going on where they seem to be keeping track of how often they get to babysit. My FIL once said "oh, I know not to tell your mom how often I babysit because I know she'll get upset," meanwhile, my mom babysits far more often than he does!

But overall, I'm glad they're friends.

I think mine have maybe spent 4 events together.

My MIL told my mom that her/my dad's house was a "quaint cottage" and my mother has been turned off since as it wasn't meant nicely especially given my ILs live in a 6000 sq ft+ house.

They live 3000 miles apart, so it's rarely an issue. My parents are cordial to them when they have to see them.

My parents are only a 2 hr drive from here but my inlaws are much farther (upstate NY and Boston). They've met face-to-face three times (twice before wedding and at wedding). MIL is FB friends with my Dad (only two on FB) but otherwise, they don't talk. I think my MIL would like to be friends with my parents, but their personalities are really, really different. It's for the best that everyone lives far away from each other.

My parents and ILs are great friends. My dad and FIL call one another on a weekly basis. They both have beach homes in DE and get together on the weekends without us all the time (probably monthly). It's great, really.

Then again, this is pretty normal in my family. All of my grandparents went to high school together--that's how my parents met.

In laws and parents need to honor the unique role each holds in the lives of their children. Friendly is best without becoming confidants - nothing that could result in drama for the couple.

Anonymous wrote:For those with friendly in laws - are your families similar in the type of place you grew up and your socioeconomic status?

If one set is working class or middle class and/or from a flyover state and another set is upper-middle, country club, set big city or fancy suburb on a coast what is their relationship like? Do they get along?

My in-laws and parents are friendly--they grew up in totally different parts of the country, but I'd say that their socioeconomic status was similar. Not just in terms of money and education, but also in terms of the values with which they were raised. It does help.