Big deal! Don't make it harder on him or anybody else, it's just a car and an old one.

Anonymous wrote:It is shady and underhanded to not tell you. Good for him that he popped it out. What if he damaged it more?

Shady and underhanded? How about embarrassed and trying to repair it? Maybe doesn't have much money and doesn't know quite what to say? Of course, I agree he should apologize, but there could be reasons other than being dishonest.

Anonymous wrote:I'd let it go. Yes, he should have apologized, but I'm going to chalk his lack of apology up to embarrassment. That doesn't make it right, but I can see how it happened. Plus, he thinks he fixed it. If it were a new car, my answer might be different, but it's ten years old. Get it painted/buffed/whatever if you want to, but I wouldn't raise it as an issue with your in-laws. It was an accident, they know it happened, you know it happened, bringing it up doesn't seem like it would solve anything.

+1 I agree, although he definitely should apologize.

Anonymous wrote:It is shady and underhanded to not tell you. Good for him that he popped it out. What if he damaged it more?

Exactly. A bumper protects you in case of an accident, so you probably have less protection than you did before - it's a cosmetic issue, but it's also a safety issue.

If the original dent was big and the bumper's scratched up, I'd take the vehicle in to get checked out, if I were you. You may be in for an expensive surprise.

I feel for you, OP. My parents borrowed my car once when I was in college. It was the car I bought while supporting myself and living independently. When they returned the car, my father commented about the difficulty shifting the gear (it was a stick shift). The fact he'd even acknowledged a problem meant he thought he'd probably done some damage to my car. I was just glad he even told me and let it go. In hindsight, I probably should have taken the car in to a shop to get a damage assessment, but instead I ended up selling it a few months later.

It is shady and underhanded to not tell you. Good for him that he popped it out. What if he damaged it more?

I am really sorry that this situation happened to you. Yes, this is complicated from a family relationship aspect. I think let it slide this time because of all the embarrassment and human inability to manage it elegantly on the visitors' part. And next time let any family visitors provide for their own transportation if there is no time to chauffeur them.

I think you were lucky that it wasn't a very new car that got its bumper dented and scratched. And most of the dent seemed to have popped out. As a previous reply said, theoretically it could have happened to you too on a bad day, that can never be ruled out. If it was on the bumper corner (which is typical for misjudging and hitting posts with the front end) in vans there is typically nothing very closely behind the bumper cover panel there, so I wouldn't be worried about hidden damage. You can look down on the inside from the engine compartment and check. Within a typical family budget all the paint repair money on a plastic part that cannot rust anyway is probably better saved towards a replacement vehicle some time in the future. Many cars and vans have some scratches and dents as they get older, so don't feel embarrassed to drive it. You haven't so far but who knows you may have a bad day one time and put a dent in your van, in one of the bumpers, doors or fenders, I have done that. Just always use touch-up paint to cover any bare metal scratches to prevent rust through.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok. From the responses I received, I've calmed down some. Yes, the car is 10 years old. For me a car is a car, and yes it's a mini van. I do keep my cars until they die or the next mechanic invoice is a couple thousand or more than the car is worth.

Thank you for all of your responses.

Also for the PP who asked my relationship with my ILs is okay. We tolerate each other. When they visit they stay 2 weeks + I try to make their visit as comfortable as possible. There have been some issues, ex: FIL wrestles with my 8 year old and ends up hurting him.... it's an issue and we have hopefully gotten it through to him that he's the adult he needs to stop.

Again thanks.

Um, what? I'd be less concerned about damage to the car. The first time this happened, we would have had a conversation; the second time, he'd never be let back in my house. WTF, OP?

YES!!! PP we have dealt with this and this last time they visited my DH had a conversation with FIL (his step father) In all honesty it was not the most pleasant visit, because MIL denies what FIL is doing so this last time, they were not allowed to stay with the boys on their own or take them anywhere, I know I will probably get blasted, but it's been an ongoing issue and the way they (MIL & FIL) acted about it made me really uncomfortable. Apparently he's done this to other kids in the family, I could not trust them with my precious boys!!! -- I think this time was the time that DH stressed it the most and hopefully it will not be a problem in the future.

Good for you, OP. And good for your DH. Conversations like these generally do not go well. That said--who cares? You are protecting your kids. I could care less if people who have shown me questionable judgment have a problem with that.

My in-laws let my preschooler "pretend" to drive my car while it was parked and I was in a store, and I ended up having to get the dash computer reset for about $500. Last visit they bumped into the TV screen in the guest room and broke it; we had to replace the TV. We didn't bring up either episode with them -- just paid for the damage/replacement. But I continue to be pissed off about both.