Anonymous wrote:Yeah on couples therapy!

+1

Please don't go in thinking he needs to do all the changing or that will be a recipe for disaster. My dad was a yeller, especially about the house never being clean. Kids are not naturally going to clean and it takes time and effort to figure out the right approach. We still don't have it down with our kids. When my husband would get upset about the kids not cleaning up after themselves, I said okay, but what will be our strategy, its not going to happen by magic or constant yelling. Realize it will be more work on us to get the kids to do this until it is second nature. We may pursue going to positive parenting class etc. I admit, I don't have a blueprint for not yelling and still getting your kids to be responsible around the house. I don't think DH's parents were yellers so I'm not sure if there is something about our situation that is different I.e. more stuff, less time at home with the kids, or his mom did more to clean up after the kids. Anyway, it's something for us both to work on together.

Good luck.

Yeah on couples therapy!

Anonymous wrote:OP here...thanks for all the advice.

I feel better.

we are going to go to counseling. He told me he wants to do this last week. I am reluctant because he seems like he is blaming me for everything. When I tell him, you are undermining me and pitting the kids against me, he acts oblivious. His main thing is my yelling. My main thing is he is very passive and sets me up for failure. He makes me do all the heavy lifting and wonders why I am exhausted and frustrated. He says I am not in a good mood.

What? You have a husband that WANTS to go to counseling and you're reluctant after sharing here how miserable you are??? Lady, do you enjoy being a victim??? Get your head out of your butt and get to counseling. Be open to the process. Be open to really listening to what your husband says. Be open to compromise. Be open to sharing your feelings. It will not be fixed for a while, and that will happen only if you put in the work to change your behavior outside of therapy.