Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread seems as fictional as any other on this forum.

I was just thinking the same thing.

OP, if you and your gf are exclusive and in love with each other great! I have to say that being in my mid-forties, I think you sound so much younger than a 40 some year old. My DH is 6 younger than I; when we met, it was not love or lust at first sight. We were co-workers and built our relationship through friendship first, then things eventually turned romantic. I was 33 when I met him, while I was fully aware of my biological clock, I knew I was active, healthy and in great shape, so I didn't fall all over him doing things for him. In fact he's the one that after 18 months of dating asked me to move in with him and even then I waited another 6 months.

Relationships are all you make them to be, if you are in love (and this story is not fictional) with this woman, go for it ---- but honestly to me this sounds very high schoolish!

High schooling? lol. Yeah, I'm 45. And there's nothing fictional about what I've written. I don't sound like my age? Hmmm...well, I guess "love" makes you feel young. My girlfriend says I'm very mature. *shrugs*. Maybe I'm not as mature as I think I am?

When my first marriage ended, after 20 years, I was an absolute mess. I didn't give a damn about my future--I didn't believe I really had a future. I was angry, bitter, and fatalistic. I didn't believe in love, commitment, the church, or women. Women's words of "love" and promises were all empty, shallow lies. Women were all lying, greedy, materialistic, selfish whores, unfit and undeserving of any real love and commitment from a man. Women were to be endlessly used to my own pleasure and desire, never trusted, and discarded at a man's whim. I would never love a woman again, not would I ever get married.

That's the popular thought to many men, including several of my friends that have also been divorced. I felt like my world came to an end, and I was cast down into a burning hell of savage, relentless agony. I felt like God had abandoned me, and turned his back to me. *everything* I believed in seemed to be a sad, horrible lie. I stopped going to church in 2006. I lost many friends, my dogs, my house, everything I had built over 20 years, was gone.

I crawled out of my dungeon of despair, and started dating. Heh. Many women, from 22 to 50. I was ruthless in pursuing my own pleasure, always remaining aloof, and in total control.

After awhile, you know what? It gets boring. And hollow. An endless parade of women and sex, one date blending into another, but with no hope of any of it really mattering, or meaning anything. Nihilism. Pointless hedonism.

No thank you. Without love and commitment, trust, loyalty, true companionship, a loving family, there isn't much worthwhile in life. Everything else is just charades, going through the motions of life.

So, to truly live life, I had to believe in love again. I had to trust God again. I had to reconnect and rebuild myself as the man I truly am, and have always been. Life seems far better and sweeter than being jaded and bitter and hopeless, wallowing in empty hedonism.

I hope this relationship works out. Either way, though, it can only work if I trust it to work, make it work, and have faith.

Centurion

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you rich?

Lol! No, I'm certainly not rich. I have quite modest finances. I was married once, and I've been divorced for several years now. While I'm past the marriage and divorce emotionally and so on, honestly I'm still recovering financially, to be honest.

To my chagrin, my girlfriend currently makes more than I do.

Centurion

Maybe she has fallen in love with you. The age difference between 33 and 45 is not that much. Does she want kids, and can you give her that?

Also, since you are divorced already - prenup.

Hello! Yes, she would love to have children with me.
She says she is deeply in love with me, she wants to have my children, and she wants to spend her life with me.

Centurion

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't find you objectively attractive. If she's significantly younger and hotter than you, she's either after money or dominating you. Truth.

Or, she's crazy. She sounds smothering to me. As if she had some bad relationships and now you are her Madonna.

My bet is on crazy. Post back in 1-3 years.

Hmmm...well, she tells me that she is sexually attracted to me. She says that the way I look at her...the way I talk to her..."makes her tingle". And, well, she's constantly hungry and eager for sex.

Perhaps she's lying and it's all just an elaborate game then?

Crazy, huh? Some of my friends believe that *all* women are crazy!

Others, though, think Latinas are their own special *crazy*. Lol.

My girlfriend's family is huge. Her sister, brother, cousins, are all married. All the women in the family are strong, direct, and vocal, though all of them are devoted to the men, and put a lot of conscious effort into catering and pleasing their men, and making the men their top priority and focus. Her aunts are all the same way as well.

My girlfriend bristles at the thought of being "submissive"--though she is quick to comply and conform to most every desire and expectation that I have. Perhaps paradoxically, she is also demanding of me, and directly tells me what she likes, what she desires, and what she expects from me. She told me right to my face that

"we are both strong, passionate people, and we will be like playdoh for each other--that I will mold and shape her to my desire, and she will mold and shape me to her desires, that this is how we grow and build us together. This is how we blend us together and build our union together as a family."

Maybe Latinas are crazy. Her whole family has been very warm, gracious, and welcoming to me, embracing me with genuine enthusiasm and respect. It's all a little intimidating for me--I'm the only white man in the family! I seem to be very important to her family.

Centurion

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread seems as fictional as any other on this forum.

I thought the same thing, but I really hope OP and his girlfriend are real. OP, you actually sound quite charming. Your smoking and excessive drinking/ swearing would be deal-breakers for me, but to each her own!

Good luck with this. I hope it works out for you both.

Fictional? No way. Yes, I and my girlfriend are entirely real, you'll be glad to know! and, thank you for the compliment! "Quite charming". Very nice! Yes, my girlfriend is on me about swearing, drinking and smoking. Lol. My girlfriend says she wants me healthy and living a long time, so the cigar smoking has to stop or be cut way the hell back. I agreed, and I'm working on it, as well as going to the gym. Most of the men in her familia are as she says, "very Mexican" and drink *a lot*. So, I'm respectful of her and don't drink too much, even though it would be fun to get ripped with her uncles and cousins. Of course, at every party, the first thing they do is want to hand me a beer or a shot of tequila! Lol. I explain to her it's not exactly easy being respectful of her desire, by drinking little, when the men in her family want me to drink with them, and I also don't want to offend them by not joining with them. At family parties, the men all gather together away from the women and kids to talk, and smoke cigars and drink. So, it's kind of a tight balance I have to negotiate there. The cultural dynamics are somewhat different there than in typical white families. I'm working on reducing or modifying those things, however, so it's progress.

Centurion

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is done having wild crazy sex with all those boys (ie being a slut) and she is ready to settle down with your old ass.

You being willing to accept her after she fucked all those other guys makes you her perfect little stability beta.

Lol! So, if a woman is not a virgin, she's a slut? That seems to be what you're implying. How many 30+ year old women are virgins? Even if you-or I-could find a 18 or 20 year old virgin...what's so special about that? At such an age, she has what in common with a man 20 years older? Though I'm 12 years older than my girlfriend, we do have much in common. A girl barely into adulthood? Not much, I imagine.

Besides...my first wife of 20 years was a virgin when I got her. Still got a divorce, so the virgin thing...seems entirely unrealistic if you want a relationship with an adult woman over 25. I also have a friend who married his virgin wife...and 23 years later and two kids, she divorced him. Virgins don't seem to be a recipe for a happy, successful relationship as a guarantee.

I don't expect an adult woman over 25 to be a virgin, or have little experience. If you do, well, good luck with that.

As far as me being her "perfect little stability beta" ? How does me not wanting a virgin or a woman *under* 25 or so make me "beta"?

I don't mind a woman younger than me, but 28 or 30 seems the lower cutoff to have a relationship with a woman that can relate to you, you know?

Centurion

While that person was being an ass, there might actually be a point buried somewhere in there (even if it doesn't apply to you). Many girls have lots of partners with whom they have done anything and everything. Then they get with you (generic you, not YOU) and they just want to have basic sex because they "love" you and all those other things they did were "just experimentation with guys that didn't mean anything." A normal person would see through that line. The idiot males don't realize she just said she did all the exciting things for EVERY GUY but you and has no plans on doing stuff with you.

I see. Well, that kind of attitude certainly wouldn't fly with me. My girlfriend is very passionate, expressive, and adventurous. She's eager to try new things and do all kinds of crazy stuff with me.

Centurion

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is done having wild crazy sex with all those boys (ie being a slut) and she is ready to settle down with your old ass.

You being willing to accept her after she fucked all those other guys makes you her perfect little stability beta.

Lol! So, if a woman is not a virgin, she's a slut? That seems to be what you're implying. How many 30+ year old women are virgins? Even if you-or I-could find a 18 or 20 year old virgin...what's so special about that? At such an age, she has what in common with a man 20 years older? Though I'm 12 years older than my girlfriend, we do have much in common. A girl barely into adulthood? Not much, I imagine.

Besides...my first wife of 20 years was a virgin when I got her. Still got a divorce, so the virgin thing...seems entirely unrealistic if you want a relationship with an adult woman over 25. I also have a friend who married his virgin wife...and 23 years later and two kids, she divorced him. Virgins don't seem to be a recipe for a happy, successful relationship as a guarantee.

I don't expect an adult woman over 25 to be a virgin, or have little experience. If you do, well, good luck with that.

As far as me being her "perfect little stability beta" ? How does me not wanting a virgin or a woman *under* 25 or so make me "beta"?

I don't mind a woman younger than me, but 28 or 30 seems the lower cutoff to have a relationship with a woman that can relate to you, you know?

Centurion

you yourself said she had many lovers.

that makes her a slut, man.

Ah, well...my mistake, then. I generally consider 5 or less as "few" and anything more than 6 as "many" but it certainly can be relative, and contextual. My girlfriend seemed to think she dated a lot, considering her conservative, traditional Mexican familia and background.

I've known of some white girls that dated more guys in their freshman year of college than my girlfriend has in her entire life. Lol.

Centurion

Anonymous wrote:I have always been into older men. My husband is just short of 15 years older than me (I am 28) and I love him dearly. He provides stability, reliability, honesty, has a great career and we have awesome sex. There's more to it, obviously, but some women are just attracted to the overall emotional and financial security an older man can offer.

Interesting! Almost 15 years older, huh? Do you share the same values and relationship expectations? I laugh at some of the little cultural details, like I will make a reference to Reagan, or Madonna or such and she'll remind me...I was in grade school then...or was in diapers...lol. I just smile, and say, "oh, right baby. That was before your time, girl!" It's lots of fun though. I shouldn't be too surprised though. In my girlfriends case, her father is 18 or 20 years older than his wife. My girlfriends cousin is 30 years old, and her husband is 16 years older than her, at 46. Her husband is very "old school" too.

Nothing wrong with you liking older men, either. I didn't realize it was still such a popular preference. Certainly the maturity, confidence and life experiences of the older man has a strong influence on the relationship for the younger woman.

Centurion

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't find you objectively attractive. If she's significantly younger and hotter than you, she's either after money or dominating you. Truth.

Or, she's crazy. She sounds smothering to me. As if she had some bad relationships and now you are her Madonna.

My bet is on crazy. Post back in 1-3 years.

I've noticed some Latinas get like this when they're in "relationship mode."

OTOH, she might be to hold it back until she has the kids.

Anonymous wrote:Married to a man two years older, but had an affair for many years with a man 13 years older. Why? Because the older man had passed through the childrearing stage, the striving to get ahead at work stage. He knew for sure who he was, take it or leave it. And, frankly, to him I was young and hot, although I was in my late 30s. Loved feeling young and desirable again.

Plus, he was hot without having to experience any of his warts. I wonder if he got to enjoy some sweet young thing, too.

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread seems as fictional as any other on this forum.

I was just thinking the same thing.

OP, if you and your gf are exclusive and in love with each other great! I have to say that being in my mid-forties, I think you sound so much younger than a 40 some year old. My DH is 6 younger than I; when we met, it was not love or lust at first sight. We were co-workers and built our relationship through friendship first, then things eventually turned romantic. I was 33 when I met him, while I was fully aware of my biological clock, I knew I was active, healthy and in great shape, so I didn't fall all over him doing things for him. In fact he's the one that after 18 months of dating asked me to move in with him and even then I waited another 6 months.

Relationships are all you make them to be, if you are in love (and this story is not fictional) with this woman, go for it ---- but honestly to me this sounds very high schoolish!

Married to a man two years older, but had an affair for many years with a man 13 years older. Why? Because the older man had passed through the childrearing stage, the striving to get ahead at work stage. He knew for sure who he was, take it or leave it. And, frankly, to him I was young and hot, although I was in my late 30s. Loved feeling young and desirable again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you rich?

Lol! No, I'm certainly not rich. I have quite modest finances. I was married once, and I've been divorced for several years now. While I'm past the marriage and divorce emotionally and so on, honestly I'm still recovering financially, to be honest.

To my chagrin, my girlfriend currently makes more than I do.

Centurion

Maybe she has fallen in love with you. The age difference between 33 and 45 is not that much. Does she want kids, and can you give her that?

Also, since you are divorced already - prenup.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't like "older men." She likes you.

A lot of young women spend time pursuing men who treat them like shit. They dismiss men who aren't hot or rich or asshats. Eventually they grow out of that and realize the value of decency and kindness, and they look for different qualities in a man. So I would say its possible that she has just matured and come to appreciate someone like you. Don't sell yourself short.

Thank you! She certainly appreciates that I'm a *man* and not some immature punk that still lives at home and is preoccupied with video games or their cell phone! She also likes that I have a job, and I'm ambitious and responsible. Being funny, intelligent, and educated don't hurt, either. And handsome, too.

Centurion

Alpha fucks and beta bucks!

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't like "older men." She likes you.

A lot of young women spend time pursuing men who treat them like shit. They dismiss men who aren't hot or rich or asshats. Eventually they grow out of that and realize the value of decency and kindness, and they look for different qualities in a man. So I would say its possible that she has just matured and come to appreciate someone like you. Don't sell yourself short.

Thank you! She certainly appreciates that I'm a *man* and not some immature punk that still lives at home and is preoccupied with video games or their cell phone! She also likes that I have a job, and I'm ambitious and responsible. Being funny, intelligent, and educated don't hurt, either. And handsome, too.

Centurion

Anonymous wrote:young cute ones are fun, but mature treats me like a queen and likes me for me, not just my body men are keepers for women. Women like to party and have fun, but then they mature and instinct kicks in to marry and want kids, settle down etc. Seems she really likes you. Women can find men who are secure and treat them well very attractive. It isn't always about the men being rich and taking care of them financially. When I see young cute women with older men I think they are happy to finally find a guy that respects them and treats them like a lady.

Hello there! Hmmm...yes, I believe you're right. I am courteous and well mannered, and I treat her like a lady. I tell her, "baby...that's right, chiquita...you gotta be a lady in the street...and a freak in the sheets! Lol. She giggles at me and sticks her tongue out at me. Lol. She tells me that I'm very masculine, and I am kind and sweet to her.

Centurion