OP here: the only reason I included the info about the price of our gifts and timeliness of them was to prevent the responses I figures would be generated if I didn't: are your gifts timely? Maybe she is annoyed at what you spend, etc. indeed, someone wrote about her doing this because maybe my kids don't write thank you notes. (I didn't include that in the original post but subsequently confirmed they do). I don't care who spends what and the timeliness of the gift is not what matters. There is one other thing that does bother me: SIL said she mailed it here and then 2 days later changed that. (The day she said she mailed it here, she verified our mailing address). So bizarre to me. All that said, it isn't my mom who is being put out and if MIL wants to hold her frustration away from SIL, so be it.

I'm genuinely curious why she wants to give gifts this way. OP, if you ever find out, please come back and post. If I was your SIL, I'd be afraid that I would forget to coordinate with MIL and have a bunch of packages in my closet!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My mother in law is 69 years old. She doesn't check a bag. Why the heck would she want to carry on the plane presents? It bothers me most of all because she asks her mother to do this. It isn't a drama thing. I can't understand when shipping is free why she wouldn't ship them here rather than ask someone to hand carry them?!?!

Your original post sounded like you were a lot more annoyed regarding the presents and their indirect, untimely arrival. If you're really more upset on behalf of your MIL, it's not really your place to get between her & her daughter. You can offer to say something but unless your MIL says she can't handle this issue herself, I'd stay out of it.

+1 OP made a big production of how much she spends on her niece/nephew, talks about how ahead of the game she is on purchasing gifts, how her child always writes thank yous promptly...blah, blah, blah. Please don't now pretend that you're only real concern is your poor mother-in-law. Give me a break. You're a score keeper, pure and simple. Own it.

+1.

I agree. Give gifts because you want to, not out of obligation. It sounds like you are giving gifts out of spite to feel like the bigger and better person, which totally defeats the purpose. To the degree that this is about your MIL, there is no way you can get involved without appearing petty and controlling.

Anonymous wrote:It would annoy me a lot.

Me too.

Always hard to understand someone's thinking when it's different than ours. Have no expectations of in-laws.

Anonymous wrote:I have a SIL that always remembers birthdays. Me, not so much. I'd rather she not send gifts so I don't feel guilty/bad for forgetting.

Same here except I really don't feel too guilty.

I have a SIL that always remembers birthdays. Me, not so much. I'd rather she not send gifts so I don't feel guilty/bad for forgetting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what's wrong with exchanging gifts. It gets people all worked up for no good reason. Unless your children are crying daily, just explain to them their aunt isn't always the best at being on time with presents, but they'll eventually come, and it'll be a nice surprise when they do.

If your MIL is bothered by this, she can say something or you can say something for her I suppose. But otherwise, what's the big deal?

I could care less if my kids get a gift on time or 12 months late. I care most about the position my mother in law is in. She arrives and says things like, "my bag was heavy" or "I don't have many clothes because I had to carry the presents from X" I don't say anything but feel awkward about it.

Then let MIL tell her daughter she's not carrying her shit .
Why are you even involved except to make sure ur kids say thank you.

Based on what you wrote-you suck as a person.Big deal! What is this-tit for tat?
Luckily I have no friends like you.
You better have a good story about yourself to tell us.

Anonymous wrote:This is what's wrong with exchanging gifts. It gets people all worked up for no good reason. Unless your children are crying daily, just explain to them their aunt isn't always the best at being on time with presents, but they'll eventually come, and it'll be a nice surprise when they do.

If your MIL is bothered by this, she can say something or you can say something for her I suppose. But otherwise, what's the big deal?

Exactly what I was thinking -- who cares?

Anonymous wrote:JUST TELL HER!!!

Really. Nothing to get offended at. "Hey, SIL, you can have the gifts shipped for free to our house. Then you wouldn't have to receive them, my children could get their presents on time and MIL wouldn't have to schlep them! Win-win-win!"

This. And I'm sorry, but - DUH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My mother in law is 69 years old. She doesn't check a bag. Why the heck would she want to carry on the plane presents? It bothers me most of all because she asks her mother to do this. It isn't a drama thing. I can't understand when shipping is free why she wouldn't ship them here rather than ask someone to hand carry them?!?!

Your original post sounded like you were a lot more annoyed regarding the presents and their indirect, untimely arrival. If you're really more upset on behalf of your MIL, it's not really your place to get between her & her daughter. You can offer to say something but unless your MIL says she can't handle this issue herself, I'd stay out of it.

+1 OP made a big production of how much she spends on her niece/nephew, talks about how ahead of the game she is on purchasing gifts, how her child always writes thank yous promptly...blah, blah, blah. Please don't now pretend that you're only real concern is your poor mother-in-law. Give me a break. You're a score keeper, pure and simple. Own it.

+1.

JUST TELL HER!!!

Really. Nothing to get offended at. "Hey, SIL, you can have the gifts shipped for free to our house. Then you wouldn't have to receive them, my children could get their presents on time and MIL wouldn't have to schlep them! Win-win-win!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My mother in law is 69 years old. She doesn't check a bag. Why the heck would she want to carry on the plane presents? It bothers me most of all because she asks her mother to do this. It isn't a drama thing. I can't understand when shipping is free why she wouldn't ship them here rather than ask someone to hand carry them?!?!

Your original post sounded like you were a lot more annoyed regarding the presents and their indirect, untimely arrival. If you're really more upset on behalf of your MIL, it's not really your place to get between her & her daughter. You can offer to say something but unless your MIL says she can't handle this issue herself, I'd stay out of it.

+1 OP made a big production of how much she spends on her niece/nephew, talks about how ahead of the game she is on purchasing gifts, how her child always writes thank yous promptly...blah, blah, blah. Please don't now pretend that you're only real concern is your poor mother-in-law. Give me a break. You're a score keeper, pure and simple. Own it.

Exactly! What I took away from your first post was that your SIL spends less money than you do and the presents are late. Sheesh!

OP, you wrote a lot of extraneous crap about how much you spend on presents, how often you've given her kids presents, how they arrive early, they're gift wrapped, blah blah blah. None of that was relevant to the fact that you *might* be annoyed about the shipping of the gifts. I think you're keeping score, you feel like you're on the high horse here, and you're annoyed about a lot more than whether your MIL is carrying gifts--but you think it makes you sound like the better person to claim that.

Not your problem.

Let DH do all gift buying for his family, and let the issue be. If the kids have questions about whether Aunt PITA gave them a present this year, let them ask DH.