Anonymous
Post 01/12/2014 15:21     Subject: Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
NP here. PP is correct - baby knows its bio mom isn't there anymore, and that's a trauma. You all may need to look up the definition of trauma.

http://adoptionvoicesmagazine.com/adoptee-view/adoptee-view-what-can-a-tiny-baby-know/#.UtL2JIXZ2yg

Anonymous
Post 01/12/2014 14:53     Subject: Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
Anonymous wrote:Why so angry? This is research about pediatrics and infants. The baby knows its mother is not there, baby does remember. Not for a lifetime, but during the infant period


Do you understand adoption? The mother you refer to is the biological mother. Stop minimizing mom's who adopt and their role in a child's needs. Not all children are traumatized by adoption. Maybe you were but do not generalize your experience to others.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2014 10:56     Subject: Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
Why so angry? This is research about pediatrics and infants. The baby knows its mother is not there, baby does remember. Not for a lifetime, but during the infant period
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2014 09:58     Subject: Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
Anonymous wrote:Traumatized? We are talking about how the baby experiences birth and subseqeunt abandonment by its mother. It does know its mother is not there, and goes through a stage of grief. Just look up the rrsearch


If you adopted, maybe that is why your child has so many issues. My child was not abandoned by his birthmom. She was unable to care for him due to her financial and living circumstances and choose to place him for adoption. She did not have to place him but she was thinking of his needs above her own. She loves him very much as does her family, whom we have very close relationships with. He has two loving parents who are very devoted to him. He knows nothing but love and is a very happy and sweet child. Think about what you say and how you say it as words are very strong. Generally those who participate in research are those who had unhappy adoptions or are mentally ill. Most people who have happy, successful adoptions do not bother with those types of things as they are too busy living their lives. Just like most of the blogs you read are negative and nasty with all kinds of trauma. I am my child's mother! He knows I am here given I am with him and he's ever ever been abandoned.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2014 06:28     Subject: Re:Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
an adopted infant is not traumatized!
As long as a baby ( newborn) is loved, fed and cared for, she will be happy.
Dont need to read any misconstrued research, im speaking from personal experience.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2014 06:10     Subject: Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
Traumatized? We are talking about how the baby experiences birth and subseqeunt abandonment by its mother. It does know its mother is not there, and goes through a stage of grief. Just look up the rrsearch
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2014 00:08     Subject: Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
I agree thank you... You can give birth and have issues so not just if you adopt.



quote=Anonymous]
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this bab y will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.


Off point, but we've adopted three babies at birth, and my calm, happy, always-smiling babies didn't seem traumatized at all. Go figure.
Its not about whether or not your baby is happy or colicky, or whether they seem traumatized to you.
Before birth the baby get used to its mothers voice and heart beat. It knows that person is no longer there, and even at that age goes through a sense of grief. Denying how the baby experiences adoption is not going to change that


Or, making general assumptions that everyone is traumatized who is adoption an also be really unhealthy for a child. So, basically, what you are saying is we should all be putting our kids in therapy for the trauma you perceive they have.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2014 23:45     Subject: Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this baby will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.


Off point, but we've adopted three babies at birth, and my calm, happy, always-smiling babies didn't seem traumatized at all. Go figure.
Its not about whether or not your baby is happy or colicky, or whether they seem traumatized to you.
Before birth the baby get used to its mothers voice and heart beat. It knows that person is no longer there, and even at that age goes through a sense of grief. Denying how the baby experiences adoption is not going to change that


Or, making general assumptions that everyone is traumatized who is adoption an also be really unhealthy for a child. So, basically, what you are saying is we should all be putting our kids in therapy for the trauma you perceive they have.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2014 23:40     Subject: Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
I don't think it is fair to talk about this infant that happened to be adopted by loving parents any different then if they gave birth, except for not knowing the timeline, sex, etc.. It is still their baby and does mean they will have attachment issues. They are most likely getting baby at birth just as if they gave birth. Some people clearly are wrong.



Anonymous
Post 01/11/2014 20:31     Subject: Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
We had 24 hours notice in 2010 with our domestic infant adoption. I did 4 months at home, and then a nanny share until she was 10 months old. (In part because we couldn't get into any of the daycares we wanted earlier.) Then we started her in a daycare when a spot opened up in August. It was a good fit for us.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2014 16:56     Subject: Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this baby will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.


Off point, but we've adopted three babies at birth, and my calm, happy, always-smiling babies didn't seem traumatized at all. Go figure.
Its not about whether or not your baby is happy or colicky, or whether they seem traumatized to you.
Before birth the baby get used to its mothers voice and heart beat. It knows that person is no longer there, and even at that age goes through a sense of grief. Denying how the baby experiences adoption is not going to change that
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2014 16:37     Subject: Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this baby will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.


Off point, but we've adopted three babies at birth, and my calm, happy, always-smiling babies didn't seem traumatized at all. Go figure.




+1 I did not attachment parent and our child is a happy, sweet, "attached" child. Not all kids go through "trauma." I think the best situation for a child in terms of chid care depends on the family. I don't think a nanny or nanny share is always best. I ended up staying home but otherwise my preference would have been day care with stable teachers where other parents were watching. There are lots of risks to a nanny in a home alone, even those with good references. Abuse can happen at day cares too but there are more people watching and it is more regulated with regular inspections (which are hopefully done).
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2014 16:27     Subject: Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this baby will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.


Off point, but we've adopted three babies at birth, and my calm, happy, always-smiling babies didn't seem traumatized at all. Go figure.


Anonymous
Post 01/11/2014 16:20     Subject: Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
Anonymous wrote:When adopting, it's best to nurture attachment relationships, which is why a nanny would be best emotionallly for the child, and a nanny-share would be best financially for you while still coming as close to the emotional needs as possible. Please keep in mind this baby will be going through a trauma, and trauma can alter brain chemistry.


Off point, but we've adopted three babies at birth, and my calm, happy, always-smiling babies didn't seem traumatized at all. Go figure.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2014 13:47     Subject: Re:Child care for to-be-adopted infant in the DC area.. overwhelmed.
OP we adopted an infant in 2012 and had 8 days notice before she came home.

Don't stress about daycare at this point. Wait until you get a date that you the baby is joining your family.
With FMLA and me doing shift work we managed to have one of us at home for the first 4 months.
After that we had a family friend watch her, one on one in her home. Kind of like a Grandma relationship.
When she turned one we put her in daycare part time.
Its a center but we love it. We are both white and she is AA. Her teachers are spanish/AA and most of the kids are AA ( not all) I love the diversity she is getting.