Doesn't a 3 year old get up and walk into your bedroom or bathroom. You have a monitor for a 3 year old that wakes up screaming in the morning. That seems odd.

Also, I may need to take up dog walking -- 5 hours of work and he makes more than you do with a full time office job? Whoa!

Here's what I suggest. Sit down and say that this situation is ridiculous and you feel drained and are at your wits end. Then come up with a plan together and execute. He's not going to offer to start waking up before 11:00 and taking on responsibility. He seems perfectly happy with the schedule the way that it is. You're not, he won't do more than you make him and he can't read your mind.

Anonymous wrote:Your DH doesn't work until noon and he cannot take your child to daycare???? Do you know how ridiculous this sounds?

OP, you allow him to get away with it. Yes, it is a shame he doesn't step up on his own but I bet if you leave him to deal with it, he will figure it out.

Your DH doesn't work until noon and he cannot take your child to daycare???? Do you know how ridiculous this sounds?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would a dog walker make double of what a person who works full time makes? Not real.

It's true. He makes more than double. I'm an administrative assistant.

You should get into this dog walking business as well.
If you take the 7am-12pm shift, and he covers from 12pm-5pm, you could double your income, and have more time at home, no?

I don't think I'm really cut out to do dog walking at all, unfortunately. Also, with walking dogs, not many people want their dogs walked in the morning - because they've just left for work so the dog was already out recently. It's more of something that starts mid-day.

Anonymous wrote:How old is the baby? I find your husband's conduct reprehensible, but when my oldest was a newborn, my husband felt very helpless up until she was about 3 months old. He felt powerless to soothe her in any way because she only wanted to nurse. He finally "clicked" when she was about 3 months old.

He's almost 3 years old.

Husband is very into playing with DS, just not doing any of the work with him. It's like he's the "fun" parent, and I'm the caretaker.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would a dog walker make double of what a person who works full time makes? Not real.

It's true. He makes more than double. I'm an administrative assistant.

You should get into this dog walking business as well.
If you take the 7am-12pm shift, and he covers from 12pm-5pm, you could double your income, and have more time at home, no?

How old is the baby? I find your husband's conduct reprehensible, but when my oldest was a newborn, my husband felt very helpless up until she was about 3 months old. He felt powerless to soothe her in any way because she only wanted to nurse. He finally "clicked" when she was about 3 months old.

Other than doing zero with the baby, is he pretty stable? Is he mean to you all the time? Are you able to save money right now? If he's tolerable, I'd stay and work to get as financially stable as possible. And stay in therapy if you can.

My husband wasnt nasty, but he did nothing with the baby either. That did change when our son was about 18 months old and was very interactive and talkative. It was as if they had to develop a real relationship first, unfortunately led by my son. But they are great together now, and have been since then. My son is 7 now. So it's possible. I'd probably work on trying to make home life as stable and as healthy as possible (no name calling). Getting myself as financially stable as possible. But only if you think you can work toward an acceptable home environment.

If you think separation is better, consider a co-abode set up, living with another single mom and her kid(s). You will be able to afford a bigger place in a better neighborhood than living by yourself.

Good luck, OP.

Anonymous wrote:How would a dog walker make double of what a person who works full time makes? Not real.

It's true. He makes more than double. I'm an administrative assistant.

This calls for couples therapy. I'm sorry, OP. That's a heavy lift. A therapist will tell him he needs to step up, so it's not just you being the nag.

Op my husband is very similar. Sleeps late on the weekends, was not involved with ds1 until ds1 was 12-14 months old. I threatened divorce, etc, nothing worked. I finally gave up and was like you do your thing, ds1 and I will do ours. Finally, he started getting involved. Now we have ds2 and he was involved from the start. He still sleeps very late on the weekends, but when he is up, I make him work VERY hard.

Anonymous wrote:Do you think he wants to divorce? Perhaps he'd be willing to not have custody - just visits - since he's so uninterested in looking after baby? Maybe you could come to an agreement with him?

+1

OP, this is NOT how it's supposed to be. The only reason it seems like I do more of the parenting is because my toddler still nurses. But the reality is DH changes more diapers than I do.

Get a divorce. That's how unacceptable I would find your DH's behavior. It's HIS child too. Doesn't he give a shit that somebody in his house is upset? Doesn't he care that his wife take care of herself enough that he handles everything else for 20 minutes? That kind of behavior is completely unacceptable to me, and it should be to you as well.

How would a dog walker make double of what a person who works full time makes? Not real.

^ I meant unfortunately, because I don't know how I would be able to support myself in the DC area on my salary alone. I life in MD, so it's very unlikely that I would be awarded any alimony.