Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you haven't trained him properly. He needs to be taught that he's not doing all these things for YOU, but for himself, for the house, for the family, of which he is a member.

However, based on what you said in your OP about him thinking he is a caveman, it sounds like he is untrainable. Sadly, I must recommend divorce.

I love my husband very very much. But he has APPALLING - and similar - habits in the bathroom. And we only have one bathroom. We fought about them all the fucking time. I thought about going on a cleaning strike, but I think he actually wouldn't have noticed - so I'm the only one who would have suffered. We fought about it way too much; I'd say that the bathroom habits and the fighting were both bad for our marriage.

I can tell you what I did: I started calling him into the bathroom to clean up his mess every time I found it there. If he left a pool of piss on the floor, I called him in to wipe it up. When there were shit stains on the toilet, I called him in to clean it up. He fought with me, he claimed not to see these little presents - and eventually he figured out that cleaning this crap up himself would lead to less fighting. Now, for the most part, he cleans up after himself. It was essentially like housebreaking a puppy. And took just as long.

There's still occasionally a pretty big pool of urine at the base of the toilet. When it's there, I call him in to clean it up, and he does. We are much, much happier now.

I do also try to be judicious about which battles I pick. If there are just pee spots on the bathroom floor, I clean them up myself; I don't want him getting so resentful about me noticing his spots that he either starts disliking me or feeling like he's being asked to meet an unreasonable standard. (Men are fucking gross.)

I feel like by posting this, I am more or less guaranteeing that we are going to fight about the bathroom tonight. Oh well. Good luck, OP.

I gave my DH a choice: clean the toilet 50% of the time, or sit to pee and be 100% exempt from cleaning it. He chooses to sit. Best thing ever.

We still have 2 boys, and I make them use cleaner and wipe down the pot a couple times a month. You're welcome, future DILs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you haven't trained him properly. He needs to be taught that he's not doing all these things for YOU, but for himself, for the house, for the family, of which he is a member.

However, based on what you said in your OP about him thinking he is a caveman, it sounds like he is untrainable. Sadly, I must recommend divorce.

I love my husband very very much. But he has APPALLING - and similar - habits in the bathroom. And we only have one bathroom. We fought about them all the fucking time. I thought about going on a cleaning strike, but I think he actually wouldn't have noticed - so I'm the only one who would have suffered. We fought about it way too much; I'd say that the bathroom habits and the fighting were both bad for our marriage.

I can tell you what I did: I started calling him into the bathroom to clean up his mess every time I found it there. If he left a pool of piss on the floor, I called him in to wipe it up. When there were shit stains on the toilet, I called him in to clean it up. He fought with me, he claimed not to see these little presents - and eventually he figured out that cleaning this crap up himself would lead to less fighting. Now, for the most part, he cleans up after himself. It was essentially like housebreaking a puppy. And took just as long.

There's still occasionally a pretty big pool of urine at the base of the toilet. When it's there, I call him in to clean it up, and he does. We are much, much happier now.

I do also try to be judicious about which battles I pick. If there are just pee spots on the bathroom floor, I clean them up myself; I don't want him getting so resentful about me noticing his spots that he either starts disliking me or feeling like he's being asked to meet an unreasonable standard. (Men are fucking gross.)

I feel like by posting this, I am more or less guaranteeing that we are going to fight about the bathroom tonight. Oh well. Good luck, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Because you haven't trained him properly. He needs to be taught that he's not doing all these things for YOU, but for himself, for the house, for the family, of which he is a member.

However, based on what you said in your OP about him thinking he is a caveman, it sounds like he is untrainable. Sadly, I must recommend divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awesome. Might I suggest that you have a sit down with him and explain that you are seriously considering ending the marriage unless significant changes happen? Divorce is quite expensive and draining. Since you have a child, you owe your kid a try at therapy. If your dreamboat refuses to attend therapy or does not take it seriously, then you have your answer. You can then move on to the divorce attorney.

I've already threatened him with divorce. I've done the counseling route, but by myself, since he refuses to go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - is it really that difficult and objectionable to say thank you?

Sure, your DH is being childish. However, I have learned that with my DH, a "thank you" or a "it looks nice" ramps up his enthusiasm about the task. Now, I do not even have to mention that the task needs to be done and I do not have to thank him anymore.

Positive reinforcement is just not for kids. LOL!

PP here. At least for my DH, thanking him is insufficient. He wants praise lavished on him like he just came back from the war and sulks like a kid if I notice only 3 of the 4 things he did all day, even though he doesn't say anything more than thanks (if that) for the 8 or 9 things I do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Because my husband spits gelatinous, glue-like lugies in them, pees all over the seats, and leaves skidmarks in them."

Wow, your poor toilet wants to divorce him too.

I was struck by the fact that you are rousing early to drop off your dc, leaving your dh to sleep til 11. There's no reason for you to rouse early to drop her off when she has a parent in the home who can get quality time with her, then drop her off later, before he goes to work. The fact that daycare is your better option than being with him is more than enough to leave him.

Yes, before we had DS, the plan that we agreed on was that DH would do both the daycare drop-off and pickup. He did it the very first day and then reneged. He told me when I got home that he would not do it anymore, as it was just too much for him in the morning and he needs his sleep. This created a HUGE fight between us, but in the end I decided to just do it myself, because honestly, I didn't trust him to wake up to take care of DS in the morning. I could just picture DS waking up and screaming for hours in his crib while DS slept.

Anonymous wrote:"Because my husband spits gelatinous, glue-like lugies in them, pees all over the seats, and leaves skidmarks in them."

Wow, your poor toilet wants to divorce him too.

I was struck by the fact that you are rousing early to drop off your dc, leaving your dh to sleep til 11. There's no reason for you to rouse early to drop her off when she has a parent in the home who can get quality time with her, then drop her off later, before he goes to work. The fact that daycare is your better option than being with him is more than enough to leave him.