Anonymous wrote:Take him to a room away from the boys. Be calm. Say:
"I understand that you may not be used to being around younger children. However, in our house, their behavior is my business. If there is an issue with their behavior or noise level, Bob and I handle it. It may not be in the way you would, and when/if you have children, you will get to decide how to deal with them. It's not okay for you to make comments about them being spoiled, annoying or too loud. I need you to back off."

+1 you need to stand up for your kids.

Anonymous wrote:I discipline others people all the time. Strangers children, my friends children ect. Be thankful he is telling them to not be so loud and isn't hitting them. I'm the one in the grocery store pinching your brats while your not looking lol.

Doubt it. Even you aren't dumb enough to touch my kid, let alone most other kids.

OP's kids can be holy terrors at home if they want, so long as their parents are ok with it. On top of this, its Winter Break and they are on vacation too. I am staying with family while DD visits her dad in the area for the holidays. I opted for a long commute over staying with family with small kids because I wanted peace and quiet while my own child was away. No way would I go to their home and expect the kids to accommodate my "need" for privacy. That's silly.

I discipline others people all the time. Strangers children, my friends children ect. Be thankful he is telling them to not be so loud and isn't hitting them. I'm the one in the grocery store pinching your brats while your not looking lol.

I offer sympathy OP, my 30 yo BIL is like this sometimes. He also likes to sleep on our couch in our tiny city house rather than the more private finished basement. He sleeps in til noon, so we're all tip toeing around him. I've also known BIL since he was 9. He was as loud and active as any of my kids and I was shocked at the time, not having a lot of experience with young boys (but I didn't try to parent him or complain about him). He also totally winds my boys up, like he has play fist fights with them and then gets bored and want to stop so he yells at them.

Anonymous wrote:He is just acting his age and so are the kids.

Just tell him straight. "Dude, they are acting their age. This is what kids do in their own house. If you need extra quiet, put on your headphones or go to Starbucks for a while. Or better yet, take them outside and play with them and then they will be tired out and you can all chill out and watch a movie together."

DING DING!!

I'd*

I'd have a come to Jesus meeting with my brother if he did anything like this. If any aunts or uncles on the other side of the family acted like this, if expect her father to handle it.

He needs to be told to stop trying to discipline them.

A guy in the middle of a relationship crisis saying your kids are loud and annoying is not insulting your kids. Likely they are loud and annoying. Most kids are. Some more than others. He is just pointing out the facts. are they in his space? hanging off of him? Playing the same loud obnoxious dvd repeatedly on high volume?

He is likely already in a bad mood - if you have some empathy for his situation, it will go much farther in resolving this than if you act all offended and as though he insulted your kids.

He does need to accept that there are kids in the house and that they can be loud however you should also be teaching your kids that there is an invited guest in the house and they should respect him and not bug him all the time and not be too loud around him.

My BIL acts this way too, and he is early 40s with three young kids. It wasn't until his first born turned 3 and wasn't 100% perfect, despite his perfect parenting (in his eyes, of course) that he realized that kids are kids.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your kids are really annoying, OP, and BIL is the only one with guts enough to tell you.

Even giving bil the benefit of the doubt here, were the kids annoying they would be so in. Their. Own. Home.

He's a guest. Shut up and put up or book a hotel.

Maybe your kids are really annoying, OP, and BIL is the only one with guts enough to tell you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to a room away from the boys. Be calm. Say:
"I understand that you may not be used to being around younger children. However, in our house, their behavior is my business. If there is an issue with their behavior or noise level, Bob and I handle it. It may not be in the way you would, and when/if you have children, you will get to decide how to deal with them. It's not okay for you to make comments about them being spoiled, annoying or too loud. I need you to back off."

No, don't do this. It is incredibly condescending.

Actually I thought this was great.

Anonymous wrote:He is just acting his age and so are the kids.

Just tell him straight. "Dude, they are acting their age. This is what kids do in their own house. If you need extra quiet, put on your headphones or go to Starbucks for a while. Or better yet, take them outside and play with them and then they will be tired out and you can all chill out and watch a movie together."

Exactly.

DH has a nephew like your BIL - he's 21, went to dinner with us and toddler DD was sort of leaning on him. He kept saying how he didn't like little children, they were messy and loud and annoying (DD was none of these things but she was in his space). Extremely rude. If he was staying at our house and saying these things, the above is what I would tell him.

I don't care who the hell he is - you don't come in my house telling my kids how to behave.

Kick his ass out

OP here. DH said something to him. DH didn't give me the details but BIL has been acting a lot better.