Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 11:14     Subject: Adoption costs?
Sorry. Post partum not parting.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 11:14     Subject: Adoption costs?
Many make plans earlier than the third trimester. Also, many have living expenses paid for up to 3 months post parting. So not an urban myth at all.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 11:07     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:NP here. Is there anything that keeps the birthmother from changing her mind? Is it possible one could end up paying all these expenses you guys are talking about and end up with nothing? Not trying to discourage anyone, just curious.


Yep. We had a failed adoption where the birthmother changed her mind, and were in the hole for thousands. It's not uncommon. But we kept at it, and had success the next time.


Wow...so you're just out all those costs? I mean, I guess there's not really anyone that could pay you back particularly if the birth mother doesn't have any means and you can't just go in and steal the baby from the mother, but still, that really blows. That's scary, you really are at the mercy of the whim of the birth mother.


We signed up with an agency and facilitator. Both just took our money and we were out at least $20,000 with them both. Neither ever helped us with a child. Lots more money to attorney's who just gave us bad advice. A expectant parent can make a plan for adoption, have 6-8 months of living expenses paid, not place and its basically too bad for the family. Then you have to start over, and that does not include more agency/attorney fees.

You cannot count on the credit. They change it every few years. Now they have made it harder to get as so many took advantage of it. It has to get renewed every year or every few years. Almost at every renewal there is huge fear of it being taken away.

6-8 months?
That must be an urban myth
Generally adoption plans are only made in the last trimester. You paid money to agency and facilitator. Women do not find out they are 1 month pregnant and then live off prospective adoptive parents for 8 months
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 10:42     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:About 40-50% end up keeping their children.
Probably because they were never desperate enough to have adoption as their only option, but the agency hounded them anyway

Is it ethical to pay birth parent expenses? Is that not coercive?


I DO think It's coercive. I have huge issues with the way agencies function. The pressure put on expectant parents is awful and they take financial advantage of the prospective AP's. All adoption agencies should be non-profit with limited fees and expenses. The current system is fraught with corruption.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 08:40     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:About 40-50% end up keeping their children.
Probably because they were never desperate enough to have adoption as their only option, but the agency hounded them anyway

Is it ethical to pay birth parent expenses? Is that not coercive?
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 01:51     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:See, this is what confuses me:

"2.The maximum amount of the credit is $12,650 that means you can reduce your 2012 tax bill by up to $12,650."

Does this mean that if we owe $0 in taxes (which we try very hard to do every year), that we'd get a refund of $12,650?


Are you asking if you pay $0 in taxes, or if you owe $0 in taxes after they've taken taxes from your paycheck.

At the time when I adopted, my annual income tax amount was less than half the amount of taxes that I paid. So, for 2 years I got a refund check for 100% of what my employer had paid in federal taxes. In the third year, I got the remainder back.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 23:50     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:NP here. Is there anything that keeps the birthmother from changing her mind? Is it possible one could end up paying all these expenses you guys are talking about and end up with nothing? Not trying to discourage anyone, just curious.


Yep. We had a failed adoption where the birthmother changed her mind, and were in the hole for thousands. It's not uncommon. But we kept at it, and had success the next time.


Wow...so you're just out all those costs? I mean, I guess there's not really anyone that could pay you back particularly if the birth mother doesn't have any means and you can't just go in and steal the baby from the mother, but still, that really blows. That's scary, you really are at the mercy of the whim of the birth mother.


We signed up with an agency and facilitator. Both just took our money and we were out at least $20,000 with them both. Neither ever helped us with a child. Lots more money to attorney's who just gave us bad advice. A expectant parent can make a plan for adoption, have 6-8 months of living expenses paid, not place and its basically too bad for the family. Then you have to start over, and that does not include more agency/attorney fees.

You cannot count on the credit. They change it every few years. Now they have made it harder to get as so many took advantage of it. It has to get renewed every year or every few years. Almost at every renewal there is huge fear of it being taken away.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 17:52     Subject: Re:Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand, is your scarring recent? If you had one child, that means you should have a good chance at number 2. I would get a second medical opinion.


Fine then, judge away if it makes you feel better then. I guess no one ever takes advantage of that credit then? Good grief.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 17:50     Subject: Re:Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand, is your scarring recent? If you had one child, that means you should have a good chance at number 2. I would get a second medical opinion.


No, not recent and severe. First child is 4. Already had surgery and it only made minor improvements; both tubes are blocked.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 17:29     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So you're hoping the tax credit will reimburse you cash for adopting? Seriously?


Well, it IS expensive. As are the failed infertility treatments we've tried. Unless you've been through this pain, it's really best not to judge.


Unless I've been through this pain? Honey, who do you think is on this forum?
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 17:23     Subject: Re:Adoption costs?
I don't understand, is your scarring recent? If you had one child, that means you should have a good chance at number 2. I would get a second medical opinion.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 14:27     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:So you're hoping the tax credit will reimburse you cash for adopting? Seriously?


Well, it IS expensive. As are the failed infertility treatments we've tried. Unless you've been through this pain, it's really best not to judge.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 14:25     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don't get discouraged by this! I adopted internationally and it was waaaay less than $40,000. 20k is about accurate though. I discovered later that when you adopt in DC there is a cap for residents. I can't recall how much but significantly less, like $6000 and this was not through foster care. You should look into this. It may have been for black or mixed race children, however.

If you really want a healthy white infant you are looking at more money.


I don't care about the race or ethnicity of the child.


For the sake of the adoptive child, please give a shit. Do you have any idea how it feels to be the one black person in a white family? To be the only person who craves a certain type of food, music, etc? You need to read up on the affects of adoption on the adopted child. This is NOT just about you and your wants.


I do know this. I am simply saying that I would not discriminate, but having adopted friends who've been the outsider in that way, I really do get it. I think it can work but agree that one has to be cognizant of the situation for the child. We are discussing this with both adoptees and adoptive parents who've been in that situation before we make a decision.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 14:19     Subject: Adoption costs?
So you're hoping the tax credit will reimburse you cash for adopting? Seriously?
Anonymous
Post 12/24/2013 12:13     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:NP here. Is there anything that keeps the birthmother from changing her mind? Is it possible one could end up paying all these expenses you guys are talking about and end up with nothing? Not trying to discourage anyone, just curious.


Yep. We had a failed adoption where the birthmother changed her mind, and were in the hole for thousands. It's not uncommon. But we kept at it, and had success the next time.


Wow...so you're just out all those costs? I mean, I guess there's not really anyone that could pay you back particularly if the birth mother doesn't have any means and you can't just go in and steal the baby from the mother, but still, that really blows. That's scary, you really are at the mercy of the whim of the birth mother.