Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 16:22     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
OP, my thought is that your DH might have better luck talking with his parents than you do. If your DH doesn't care as much, then maybe you can try to adopt his attitude a little more. And if your DH DOES care, maybe his parents will see his point. (And if not--then at least you're not alone as the pushy daughter-in-law.)
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 16:21     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You may all laugh at me, but I felt the same way when my mom bought my son his first pair of underwear. Son was 2.5 and I mentioned to my mom (on the phone - she lives in a different state) that he was starting to use the potty. A few days later, a package arrived for my son with new Thomas the Tank Engine underpants. He was still wearing pull-ups at the time as potty training was a slow moving process for him. My husband and I had been talking up "going to Target and picking out your very own underpants, when you stay dry all day long". But then they arrived in the mail. I felt like that was overstepping boundaries. I know in my heart that my mom was just excited about her grandson growing up, and wanted to play a part, but it just hit me as forcing herself in the parent role. I hid the underwear (he was 2.5 - he didn't remember) and called my mom and told her that we already had a plan for his first underwear, but thank you, and we'll give it to him when we're ready.

So I understand where you are coming from with the bike, OP. Just thank your parents for the bike, since it's already purchased, and ask them to give you a heads up, please, for next major purchases.

I have now read it all -- buying underwear is overstepping bounds? Lot of touchy folks on DCUM.


That's why I said you may laugh at me. But that's how I felt. For his FIRST pair of underwear, anyway. That usually goes hand-in-hand with potty training and that's a pretty parental role, if you ask me.

I know it's weird. But that's how I felt. She has since bought him underwear, and since it wasn't his FIRST pair, it's all good.

u are right -- i laughed -- but what i thought was funny was -- ok she bought the underwear but you didn't have to give it to him first ..u go and get some and give those to him. LOL! But hey -- everyone is different. I'm much more laissez-faire -- If my mom or MIL had gotten my child potty-trained, I would have thrown a party. Everyone is sensitive about different things.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 16:20     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
Big, significant presents like a bike are the parents' prerogative, no question. Grandparents should ask first and then be ok with it if the parents say no. Certain things are things we parents look forward to, just like the grandparents did when they had kids: first solid food, first haircut, first bike, etc.

OP, it's not too late for your DH to tell them nicely and regretfully that you're planning to get him a bike for spring, so they'll need to get something else. If they're pissy, they're pissy. If they don't bother to ask beforehand, they risk being inconvenienced when they have to change their plans.

Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 16:11     Subject: Re:Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
My parents and ILs do tend to run things past us for the big gifts but they don't always let us know before they actually buy it. I don't really care so much who gives the gifts but if it's something big or expensive, I just want to make sure that no one else is already getting it. I do have a "rule" that they need to run anything by me that is a big toy. We have limited space in my house so I want to either clear a space for anything requires a lot of room or plan to get rid of something else to accommodate. I think that is common courtesy though.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 15:37     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am not getting the issue. Then, get him his first scooter for his birthday. My mom, who rarely buys anything bought the first bikes and scooters. Less big presents for me to buy. I was thrilled. She picked really nice ones too. The Leappad sucks.. go for the ipad. Grandpa got the family the ipad. Loved it. Now he is getting us one as the kids took over the family one. We really appreciate the big things done.


This is so me. Perhaps it's because I have three kids, but the more they want to take off my plate, then more power to them.

Maybe I would've let these things upset me if I only had 1?


true but if you only have so much space if each grandparent buys a big gift for every birthday and every christmas it doesnt leave much for the parents. i dont want my kids to wake up xmas morning with no presents because the grandparents insist on overbuying. i also dont want my kids to grow up expecting so many material things and not appreciating what they have.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 15:34     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
we have an online wishlist. my inlaws love it and pretty much stick with that. my mom sticks with it for the most part but if shes mad at me (she is less likely) although she knows i have no problem not keeping something so she doesnt want to waste her money. although she deliberately does stuff like that to my sister but knows my sister will never say anything about it to her. we also have limited space which helps keeps things to a minimum.
sounds like your inlaws will always do what they want. i would still email them and let them know that you had planned on getting a bike for his birthday. and it is reslly important to you that his first bike comes from you not them. also you could mention that running larger gifts by you in the future would be helpful for everyone.
i think grandparents that just buy large gifts without asking first are generally selfish. they think its about them and not the kid.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 15:17     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
Anonymous wrote:I am not getting the issue. Then, get him his first scooter for his birthday. My mom, who rarely buys anything bought the first bikes and scooters. Less big presents for me to buy. I was thrilled. She picked really nice ones too. The Leappad sucks.. go for the ipad. Grandpa got the family the ipad. Loved it. Now he is getting us one as the kids took over the family one. We really appreciate the big things done.


This is so me. Perhaps it's because I have three kids, but the more they want to take off my plate, then more power to them.

Maybe I would've let these things upset me if I only had 1?
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 15:16     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would never, ever consider demanding that my parents get my permission on what gifts to give my children. They are not carrying out my personal shopping for me. Unless they have the terrible judgment to buy my kid a shotgun I can manage to get over myself and show a little gratitude that my child is blessed with a loving family.

"I must buy my son's first underwear." Oh. My. Gosh. People are seriously that controlling and mean to their parents?


Yep and then when their kid grows up and turns that same treatment on them they'll be all



Haha. I did not even think about that. That will be pretty funny when they attempt to buy something for their grandchild, and get a speech about how inappropriate it is to buy them their first toothbrush.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 15:12     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
Anonymous wrote:I would never, ever consider demanding that my parents get my permission on what gifts to give my children. They are not carrying out my personal shopping for me. Unless they have the terrible judgment to buy my kid a shotgun I can manage to get over myself and show a little gratitude that my child is blessed with a loving family.

"I must buy my son's first underwear." Oh. My. Gosh. People are seriously that controlling and mean to their parents?


Yep and then when their kid grows up and turns that same treatment on them they'll be all

Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 15:09     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
I would never, ever consider demanding that my parents get my permission on what gifts to give my children. They are not carrying out my personal shopping for me. Unless they have the terrible judgment to buy my kid a shotgun I can manage to get over myself and show a little gratitude that my child is blessed with a loving family.

"I must buy my son's first underwear." Oh. My. Gosh. People are seriously that controlling and mean to their parents?
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 15:09     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
I am not getting the issue. Then, get him his first scooter for his birthday. My mom, who rarely buys anything bought the first bikes and scooters. Less big presents for me to buy. I was thrilled. She picked really nice ones too. The Leappad sucks.. go for the ipad. Grandpa got the family the ipad. Loved it. Now he is getting us one as the kids took over the family one. We really appreciate the big things done.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 15:08     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You may all laugh at me, but I felt the same way when my mom bought my son his first pair of underwear. Son was 2.5 and I mentioned to my mom (on the phone - she lives in a different state) that he was starting to use the potty. A few days later, a package arrived for my son with new Thomas the Tank Engine underpants. He was still wearing pull-ups at the time as potty training was a slow moving process for him. My husband and I had been talking up "going to Target and picking out your very own underpants, when you stay dry all day long". But then they arrived in the mail. I felt like that was overstepping boundaries. I know in my heart that my mom was just excited about her grandson growing up, and wanted to play a part, but it just hit me as forcing herself in the parent role. I hid the underwear (he was 2.5 - he didn't remember) and called my mom and told her that we already had a plan for his first underwear, but thank you, and we'll give it to him when we're ready.

So I understand where you are coming from with the bike, OP. Just thank your parents for the bike, since it's already purchased, and ask them to give you a heads up, please, for next major purchases.


Wait, what? You couldn't have just put them away and brought them out later when he was ready and after you'd picked some other ones out together? And let your out of town mom feel good about connecting with her grandson? I really do not understand some of you who will alienate someone over a perfectly nice and reasonable gesture.


That's exactly what I did do. See the bold? There's no alienation. I said it nicely. Mom understood that grandson wasn't ready for underwear yet. All was well. I swear. He called Grandma the first time he wore her underwear and said "thank you."
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 15:06     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
Anonymous wrote:You may all laugh at me, but I felt the same way when my mom bought my son his first pair of underwear. Son was 2.5 and I mentioned to my mom (on the phone - she lives in a different state) that he was starting to use the potty. A few days later, a package arrived for my son with new Thomas the Tank Engine underpants. He was still wearing pull-ups at the time as potty training was a slow moving process for him. My husband and I had been talking up "going to Target and picking out your very own underpants, when you stay dry all day long". But then they arrived in the mail. I felt like that was overstepping boundaries. I know in my heart that my mom was just excited about her grandson growing up, and wanted to play a part, but it just hit me as forcing herself in the parent role. I hid the underwear (he was 2.5 - he didn't remember) and called my mom and told her that we already had a plan for his first underwear, but thank you, and we'll give it to him when we're ready.

So I understand where you are coming from with the bike, OP. Just thank your parents for the bike, since it's already purchased, and ask them to give you a heads up, please, for next major purchases.


Wait, what? You couldn't have just put them away and brought them out later when he was ready and after you'd picked some other ones out together? And let your out of town mom feel good about connecting with her grandson? I really do not understand some of you who will alienate someone over a perfectly nice and reasonable gesture.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 15:05     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You may all laugh at me, but I felt the same way when my mom bought my son his first pair of underwear. Son was 2.5 and I mentioned to my mom (on the phone - she lives in a different state) that he was starting to use the potty. A few days later, a package arrived for my son with new Thomas the Tank Engine underpants. He was still wearing pull-ups at the time as potty training was a slow moving process for him. My husband and I had been talking up "going to Target and picking out your very own underpants, when you stay dry all day long". But then they arrived in the mail. I felt like that was overstepping boundaries. I know in my heart that my mom was just excited about her grandson growing up, and wanted to play a part, but it just hit me as forcing herself in the parent role. I hid the underwear (he was 2.5 - he didn't remember) and called my mom and told her that we already had a plan for his first underwear, but thank you, and we'll give it to him when we're ready.

So I understand where you are coming from with the bike, OP. Just thank your parents for the bike, since it's already purchased, and ask them to give you a heads up, please, for next major purchases.

I have now read it all -- buying underwear is overstepping bounds? Lot of touchy folks on DCUM.


That's why I said you may laugh at me. But that's how I felt. For his FIRST pair of underwear, anyway. That usually goes hand-in-hand with potty training and that's a pretty parental role, if you ask me.

I know it's weird. But that's how I felt. She has since bought him underwear, and since it wasn't his FIRST pair, it's all good.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2013 15:02     Subject: Grandparents consulting parents on gifts for grandkids?
We try to preempt these things. We told my in-laws months in advance that we were buying the kids a dollhouse for Christmas because I just had a feeling my MIL was going to go that route. I don't give wishlists, though, and would otherwise prefer they not consult me on every.single.present they want to get (which is what my parents do).