Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 21:45     Subject: Re:48. Must be married by 50
Why/how is turning fifty relevant?
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 21:38     Subject: 48. Must be married by 50
Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP from the "26 and never had a boyfriend" thread. My heart goes out to you, OP, and many hugs.

You honestly sound like an amazing catch and any guy would be lucky to have a smart, educated, well-maintained, accomplished woman like you. I am sure you adopted child is very happy!

If you are not digging your male friends, do you have any old female friends who know you really well and can set up up with someone they know who would suit you?

You honestly sound like a fake sorority girl.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 21:34     Subject: 48. Must be married by 50
Anonymous wrote:I was reading the "Im 26 and never had a boyfriend thread" and figured you all could give me some advice, too. I know DCUMs are really harsh and mean so i'm prepared for the insults.

Here's my situation. Raised in a highly educated household by parents who expected me to marry a certain sort of individual. Bought into it for through college. Had college boyfriend who was terrible so spent my 20s dating and having fun and not being worried about it (and with a few long relationships in there). In my early 30s I met a seemingly great guy whom I dated for 3 yrs but who ended up being a jerk and spent the next several years getting over the pain and betrayal. The rest of my 30s I dated a lot but never found anyone (turned down on proposal). In my 40s I adopted a child and moved overseas and enjoyed life though I felt a huge part was missing. Now I am heading towards 50 and am really sad that it may not work out for me and DC. I don't look 25 but 'black don't crack' so honestly I do look young for my age. 35 tops. (Think Halle Berry, Nia Long, Vivica A. Fox, Angela Bassett.. I'm not flawless like them bc I don't have their long dollars but I look good for my age). I went to decent schools, can carry on a conversation, am funny.. blah blah blah. Yes, I have a child but so do most women my age.

Been on numerous dating sites since time is really limited now. Have a few male friends who want to date exclusively but it's hard to settle with any of them because at this point I just don't see it. I MAY, just don't as of yet. I'm not necessarily picky but I do expect the man to be kind, interesting, sexy, intelligent and family oriented at the very least. I am open to men with children and they don't have to be gorgeous or rich. I'm feeling like I should just move back overseas where at least we can have an interesting life full of interesting friends and travel to exotic locales (which I can't afford from here)... but dating in some parts of the world is even more difficult!

C'mon DCUMs! Get me a proposal before 50!

Wow you sound great that is so crazy that you've dated but never married. Did you ever turn down any proposals? You're sexy intelligent and sophisticated I bet you have guys willing to leave their wives to be with you. It must be hard finding someone comparable at this age who isn't taken. Maybe you should just give in and steal someone's man. There'd be guilt initially but happiness will trump it in time.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 20:49     Subject: 48. Must be married by 50
Their is a guy on here making 200k introduce yourself
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 20:26     Subject: 48. Must be married by 50
OP, my mom (Black woman) is 50 and divorced and seems to meet men often online and in person. She has always received attention from men and I believe it's her temperament. She's always in a good mood and seems to smile, so she's approachable. My aunt is 48 and while they are both physically attractive, my aunt is probably the most put together. My mom tends to meet the guys who are financially set while my aunt meets the guy without two nickels to rub together, even though she's the high income earner of the two. My aunt is not very vulnerable which I think turns off some men and attracts guys who are unstable (often financially) themselves. I think my aunt tends to prioritize men who have a certain look or image, over longer lasting characteristics. When I was reading your OP, you reminded me of my aunt. I think she's an awesome, very attractive woman whose picker is completely off. I also suspect that you, like her, don't really feel deserving of a healthy relationship longterm.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 20:17     Subject: 48. Must be married by 50
Forgive me, OP, but I'm a 47 DW who's been married for nearly two decades, and your post scared me to death. It made me flash back to my pre-wedding freak out.

OP, if you give yourself impossible timelines: 1, you'll set yourself up for disappointment; 2, you'll scare people off.

Try to enjoy the dating process. Try to look for a friend, someone who can make you laugh, ideally a lifetime mate with a healthy interest in sex.

If marriage happens, great. If not, you'll still have fun.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 20:13     Subject: 48. Must be married by 50
Do something you love. Bonsai, stamp collecting, ukulele playing.

If you still don't find someone you can settle for, you never will.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 20:03     Subject: 48. Must be married by 50
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow, you all are a very sad and harsh bunch (I wouldn't have expected otherwise). I will look into Meet Ups. Thanks for that suggestion. The women who are saying I am being too picky are probably white. I have many, many, many black female friends who are kind, pretty, professional women who are single. The fact of the matter is the pool of available black men is much, much smaller. I am open to dating to men of other races now though which I know will be helpful. The men aren't dying off! I'm looking for men under 80! LOL


I'm not sad, sweetie. I'm married. You're not.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_burn_centers_in_the_United_States
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 19:57     Subject: 48. Must be married by 50
These responses are all over the places! LOL. I appreciate them all, even those from the married women who blame me. I was expecting that. Those who wrote kind and helpful things, thank you very much. I think getting married for the first time at my age is totally possible and I will keep you posted!
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 19:50     Subject: Re:48. Must be married by 50
OP, you sound interesting and normal. I don't have much advice, except to remember that no man is perfect. No woman either.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 19:39     Subject: 48. Must be married by 50
Wow. There are some crazy people on this thread.

OP, I would definitely encourage you to consider dating outside your race, for starters. And you will have to confront the silly and stupid stereotypes (clearly in evidence on this thread) that are out there about Black women no matter what. This calls for a more personal strategy, e.g., working through friends and family who know you and aren't phased by these stereotypes; rather than wasting a lot of time in settings like match.com, where decisions are made on more superficial factors that can be more easily influenced by bias. That's not to say forget the Internet, but it wouldn't be my first choice tactic.

Have you already asked around among family and friends? Is there anyone interesting at work? Meet-ups are a great idea. What about "it's just lunch" or a full-service match maker?

Lastly, after my last relationship ended my counselor insisted that I go out with everyone who asked. She just thought it would be good experience. This totally geeky guy who had been after me for five years, and in whom I'd had zero interest, asked me out for like the millionth time, and as per doctor's orders, I finally said yes. Guess who is my DH now? That first kiss was an eye-opener!
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 19:05     Subject: Re:48. Must be married by 50
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you haven't found a person to marry by now, you're not going to find someone. You have several guys who are willing to try, but you aren't interested.

This isn't going to happen for you, OP.


The person above did. Plenty of people marry the wrong person when they are young and get divorced. Some remarry later in life. And I said I wasn't currently interested in the men interested in me but I may later. They both currently live out of state, one is moving back in January.. we'll see... And I figure if I got two interested, there could be more around the corner with whom i'm a better match.

Be nice!


I'm not being mean.

The person above was previously in a marriage and divorced. You haven't done that. The other people you are talking about also married and divorced.

You sound very picky. If you haven't found someone to try marriage with by now, you are not going to find someone to try it with because you are picky. Your choices are more narrow now than they were when you were younger. The odds don't get better. People are starting to die off.


I am 42, never married, one child, and I don't think this poster is being mean but is being truthful. Unfortunately, the pickiness has to exist when you have a child. If I didn't,I would be more open. I realize that I am not likely to get married ever. It makes me sad sometimes but I hang on to a tiny glimmer of hope that when my child is an adult, and I am much older that perhaps I can find a widower to spend out my last days with.




I'm in my 40s with a child and don't quite feel this hopeless. It is tough and the logistics of kids adds to it but I'm not clear it's impossible. I don't think I'm pickier because I have a child but it does narrow down who I can chose. Some men do not want to get involved with someone with a young child if their kids are out of the house. I just suffered through a very painful breakup and think this was a root cause. Looking for men with young kids, even half time, is an idea.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 15:05     Subject: 48. Must be married by 50
OP there is a shortage of available black men...I've heard about that from black friends and have also read about it. Are you open to dating outside of your race? You might have a better chance that way.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 14:35     Subject: 48. Must be married by 50
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow, you all are a very sad and harsh bunch (I wouldn't have expected otherwise). I will look into Meet Ups. Thanks for that suggestion. The women who are saying I am being too picky are probably white. I have many, many, many black female friends who are kind, pretty, professional women who are single. The fact of the matter is the pool of available black men is much, much smaller. I am open to dating to men of other races now though which I know will be helpful. The men aren't dying off! I'm looking for men under 80! LOL


I'm not sad, sweetie. I'm married. You're not.

I dated people because I liked them, though, and eventually found someone I wanted to marry.

You're dating people because you might want to marry and hoping to find someone you like.

It's desperate and objectifying.


And there ladies and Gentlemen is a Zing!
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2013 13:40     Subject: 48. Must be married by 50
Anonymous wrote:Wow, you all are a very sad and harsh bunch (I wouldn't have expected otherwise). I will look into Meet Ups. Thanks for that suggestion. The women who are saying I am being too picky are probably white. I have many, many, many black female friends who are kind, pretty, professional women who are single. The fact of the matter is the pool of available black men is much, much smaller. I am open to dating to men of other races now though which I know will be helpful. The men aren't dying off! I'm looking for men under 80! LOL


I'm not sad, sweetie. I'm married. You're not.

I dated people because I liked them, though, and eventually found someone I wanted to marry.

You're dating people because you might want to marry and hoping to find someone you like.

It's desperate and objectifying.