Op, I'm caucasian and had the same experience in my 20s. Partly growing up fairly conservative (socially, not politically) household, spent my youth doing ballet and going to an all girls school all theway through high school, high achieving in college, but felt profoundly at a disadvantage compared to my friends when it came to interacting with men in a 'normal' way. Looking back, I think this unease and lack of self confidence in one particular area (not attractiveness per se, but how to connect with men, in a variety of ways) came through--I was either defensive, off-putting, fake, etc. I didn't realize it, and had tons of huge crushes, but they were rarely reciprocated. And if someone pursued me, I either was scared or didn't believe they were truly interested.

Anyway, it just took a lot of time, experience, and building self confidence. I started by having more male friends, and then by doing a lotof things that I loved doing, that made me feel good about me, but that also built networks (rock climbing, hiking, wine tasting, and volunteering with Habitat for Humanity). I also had a couple flings--all with somewhat older men, for some reason I clicked better with them, maybe because the natural shyness and awkwardness about lack of experience I felt in general could be 'normalized' in an older-younger relationship (or maybe because a lot of men in their 20s were really immature too!). I discovered my, ahem, sexual side, made up for lost time, and that totally transformed the way I thought of myself and interacted with men, too---not at all in a slutty way, but rather I no longer felt like there was something "wrong" with me.

I didn't get married until my 30s (my boobs were still pretty great-its kids, not age that does them in!), at which point I had a lot of experiences--both good and bad.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are late bloomers, and the anxiety you feel about that fact, and the inevitable comparisons (how can she get a boyfriend and I can't) only further detriment your cause. Just accept that for a long time you've put out certain signals--I'm not interested--and that not only has kept men away, but also kept you from figuring out how to engage with men on a romantic and sexual level. Now you want to, but you don't know how, and you are going through the early, and perhaps more immature stages of figuring that out. Some of that immaturity shows through in your thoughts and writing--I have no doubt that will disappear as you gain experience and confidence, but for now, just accept that you started "late" and instead of being worried about that use this time as an opportunity to figure how fabulous you are and communicate that to the world. soon, the men will follow.

NP here. I think that you should take an honest look at how you spend your time on the weekends -- look back over the last month of weekends. I'm guessing that you don't spend a lot of time around single men during your weekends. Start going with your single girl friends to wherever it is that single guys go nowadays -- I honestly don't know where that is. In my 20s, it was dance clubs and bars. Don't do the online thing. I can't imagine that that actually works to find good guys. Meet people in person.

I have found that often when I talked to people who were still single and weren't happy about it, it turned out that they would always do the same activiites either by themsleves or with friends, and that they didn't spend much time wherever single people were. Good luck!

Why are you posting on a parenting website?

Hi OP, I have not read all the posts, but I wanted to tell you that I have a friend who was in the same boat as you, although she is Pakastani. Around 27, she did a somewhat makeover and started wearing clothes that were less matronly, and more fitted and stylish, she cut her long hair into a shoulder-length, layered look with bangs that looked more playful/flirty, and she started wearing subtle make-up. She went to clubs, even though it was not her 'thing', and to bars. She moved from NOVA to D.C. proper. She had some hook-ups with guys, nothing crazy. She ended up meeting and marrying a blond haired, blue eyed guy (totally hot, and I'm not usually into that type) while in her early 30's, and is very happy now. I think some of the things that she did and that you need to do may not feel natural or comfortable, but it's just part of the American mating dance we all do to find a significant other.

OP, I think you need to go to a bar.

The guys here in DC are intelligent and you seem flighty and annoying. You say they stop emailing you back, because you come across silly, vain and annoying.

If you are as hot as you think you are, meeting a guy in a bar is the way for you.

Guys like graceful trashy ... Trust me.^^^

Anonymous wrote:Get in shape .. Work out.
Have your hair and nails perfectly done
Wear small hoop earrings
Whiten teeth
Get a boob job
Wear yoga pants
Learn to walk gracefully in heels

You can now be choosy!!

Eww do not wear hoops unless you want to look trashy. Studs only.

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP,
I am a 40 year old Indian woman, now married and with a child. I was raised JUST LIKE YOU and my 20s sound like yours!! Conservative, yet not religious, highly educated, tons of friends, pretty, outgoing, etc....I can make a few recommendations.

1. Self confidence is key. Fake it until you really have it. Men love confidence (not arrogance!)
2. Lose excess weight, if you have any. On the other hand, gain a few pounds if you are too skinny. Go to the gym and get fit!! Men don't like too fat or too thin. I know this is superficial, but I am trying to give you very practical advice.
3. Start doing activities that you enjoy where you might meet men (volunteer for Habitat for Humanity, join a club etc)
4. Ask your friends to set you up on dates. Ask your most trusted friends to tell you honestly how you can improve your chances of meeting someone (i.e., what you need to change about yourself) and take their criticisms constructively.
5. SMILE!!! Practice this in the grocery store, at work, etc. This makes you approachable. BE FRIENDLY and observe women who seem to have tons of men around them. Do what they do -- smile, laugh easily, touch an elbow, be kind to everyone, and do not judge others.
7. BE CONFIDENT! You are so young. I wish I had not worried as much as I did when I was your age. All I wanted was a boyfriend. Now I realize 26 was the prime of my life and I should not have worried about anything....and should have focused on enjoying my youth!! Try to have fun!! I hope you find happiness

+1! OP, this is the advice to follow. I'm a 47-year-old (non-Indian) women who is bookish and shy but still found a DH and had kids following the exact same formula. There a lots of great guys around! (Above all, please ignore posters who are mean or tell you to get a "boob job" because I can tell that all you need is to believe in yourself.)

Here's another bit of advice. Don't be afraid to ask a guy you like to coffee. It's not a date. It's just a chat. It's actually what my father told me to do with guys before I dated them "because any guy who won't sit down to coffee with you first is a jerk." Don't go too fast. Hookups don't work for women, not when I was 20, not when you were 20, not when my kids will be 20, either. You're not looking for hookups, you're looking for a relationship, so ask several guys of your choosing to meet for coffee and practice talking to them Decide what kind of man you're interested in and don't be afraid to be choosy. An educated, well-read woman brings many things to the table, and DC is full of equally educated guys who will appreciate you.

Above all, don't be thrown by misogynistic comments across DCUM because the DMV is full of intelligent, enlightened men who feel as overlooked as you sometimes feel. Reach out to a few of them and you'll find a guy you like. Go for it!

Something about you just turns me off completely.... Maybe it's your attitude? I can't quite figure it out. You seem so damn uptight. Please get laid ASAP. Do it for the people.

Have you tried being set up by friends? Easiest way to meet men in your twenties if you ask me. Do it now. By your thirties, most of your friends will probably be married and might not have any single guy friends left.

"conservative" in the context you describe means "uptight" -- not an attractive quality.

Get in shape .. Work out.
Have your hair and nails perfectly done
Wear small hoop earrings
Whiten teeth
Get a boob job
Wear yoga pants
Learn to walk gracefully in heels

You can now be choosy!!

You come off as a little harsh- I am not saying this to tear your down, it's just that your anger and frustration are coming through here and I wonder if you put this out there when you are corresponding online. it can be off putting to men who might like a softer approach.

26 is very young. Try not to worry. I know many late bloomers, esp. people who go to college and grad school and are concentrating on their busy careers. I didn't date much at all until about age 26 and my little sister also had dozens of boyfriends. I was more conservative than her. she was a huge flirt. Lot of more reserved folks do not date a lot. It is nothing to worry about (until age 36!)

Anonymous wrote:OP we don't know you so we have to guess and project based on the women we don't know. Being offended and defensive by that makes you sound really uptight and not fun to be around. FYI.

I actually took that really well, I think, considering I was called unattractive and told that there was something wrong with me. I even focused on the positive and said that I got a lot of supportive posts before I heard the negative, unsupportive ones (for which words like "douchebag" are appropriate, IMO). Not sure if you consider "take offensive remarks/assumptions lying down or as the gospel truth" to be the recommended behavior here.

Dear OP,
I am a 40 year old Indian woman, now married and with a child. I was raised JUST LIKE YOU and my 20s sound like yours!! Conservative, yet not religious, highly educated, tons of friends, pretty, outgoing, etc....I can make a few recommendations.

1. Self confidence is key. Fake it until you really have it. Men love confidence (not arrogance!)
2. Lose excess weight, if you have any. On the other hand, gain a few pounds if you are too skinny. Go to the gym and get fit!! Men don't like too fat or too thin. I know this is superficial, but I am trying to give you very practical advice.
3. Start doing activities that you enjoy where you might meet men (volunteer for Habitat for Humanity, join a club etc)
4. Ask your friends to set you up on dates. Ask your most trusted friends to tell you honestly how you can improve your chances of meeting someone (i.e., what you need to change about yourself) and take their criticisms constructively.
5. SMILE!!! Practice this in the grocery store, at work, etc. This makes you approachable. BE FRIENDLY and observe women who seem to have tons of men around them. Do what they do -- smile, laugh easily, touch an elbow, be kind to everyone, and do not judge others.
7. BE CONFIDENT! You are so young. I wish I had not worried as much as I did when I was your age. All I wanted was a boyfriend. Now I realize 26 was the prime of my life and I should not have worried about anything....and should have focused on enjoying my youth!! Try to have fun!! I hope you find happiness

Awww, thank you so much! This was really helpful and heartening.