Anonymous wrote:You people are the most hysterical bunch of koolaid drinkers I've ever seen.

Cut him off? Call the police??? For a pat on the ass? You should be ashamed of yourselves. No pat on the ass ever killed anyone, but sending an elderly loving grandfather through legal hell and possibly to prison probably would.

This is OP's FATHER we're talking about. Not some fellow customer at the coffee shop. She can love the sinner and hate the sin. She can make sure her kids aren't alone with him for any length of time. She can give him the stinkeye or tell him off ("Dad, cut it out, that's inappropriate") if she observes anything untoward. She can teach her kids to speak up loudly if they're ever uncomfortable. But to call the police with accusations of rape (where did that even come from??) is straight up cruel. It's like you people have no notion of nuance. That generation and their flexible boundaries will be gone soon, taking with them the good and the bad. We need to enjoy the good while they're still with us.

Now if OP comes back and says that by "fondled" she really meant "penetrated", then we're in a different ballpark. But I have a hard time believing that idle bitching on the part of women at work is anything but annoying dirty old man behavior. Certainly not worth destroying what's left of a father's life.

So you're cool with adults molesting children. Gotcha.

You people are the most hysterical bunch of koolaid drinkers I've ever seen.

Cut him off? Call the police??? For a pat on the ass? You should be ashamed of yourselves. No pat on the ass ever killed anyone, but sending an elderly loving grandfather through legal hell and possibly to prison probably would.

This is OP's FATHER we're talking about. Not some fellow customer at the coffee shop. She can love the sinner and hate the sin. She can make sure her kids aren't alone with him for any length of time. She can give him the stinkeye or tell him off ("Dad, cut it out, that's inappropriate") if she observes anything untoward. She can teach her kids to speak up loudly if they're ever uncomfortable. But to call the police with accusations of rape (where did that even come from??) is straight up cruel. It's like you people have no notion of nuance. That generation and their flexible boundaries will be gone soon, taking with them the good and the bad. We need to enjoy the good while they're still with us.

Now if OP comes back and says that by "fondled" she really meant "penetrated", then we're in a different ballpark. But I have a hard time believing that idle bitching on the part of women at work is anything but annoying dirty old man behavior. Certainly not worth destroying what's left of a father's life.

The ideal solution is to report this man to the police so he doesn't have a chance to do this to anyone else. He's been doing this for years because no one has reported him and made him get some help.

It seems at this point OP only cares about her DD, screw all the other kids/women her Dad could be around. I get that DD is her first priority, but dear lord... if her Dad shot someone, would the entire family hide it, and would OP do nothing as long as her Dad didn't shoot her DD?

OP, everyone seems to think you can just pick up and move. Is this feasible for you and DH in terms of your jobs, schools, cost of living in another location? That is the ideal solution but is it realistic for you.

You should move.

You should live where the only time you will see your father is traveling, not staying with him but in a hotel, controlling the visits by ALWAYS being present with your kids.

Anything short of this - and you have a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really wonder why people don't go to the police? I bet you wonder why all women who are raped don't come forward too.

Yes, I am wondering in this situation.

Well lets walk through it in this situation.

The OP's cousin was a teen and fondled by her uncle. She was close to te family since the OP remembers seeing her a lot then not seeing her. Sounds like the cousin did the right throng and told her parent, sibling of molester. In order to not rock the boat the "adults" decide to not ruin molesters life and keep cousin away. Molester has family, kids, etc. what good is he in prison? Who would support his kids? Everyone brushes it under the rug. Molester continues to be creepy, fondle, touch inappropriately. Friends of OP's sister stay away from him because of behavior. OP's family figures -- hey, he isn't touching ME. No harm right? At work he fondles the secretaries. You know he wouldn't do that to a female superior (are there any?) because that would get him fired. He is so charming that the guys at work love him. Now the secretaries can't do a thing because the guy everyone likes will get them fired.

His wife doesn't do anything because that would be a change in her life.
OP's sister doesn't say anything because her Mom hasn't done anything.
OP's family doesn't do anything because cousin said something and nothing happened.

Then there is OP. She knows he has issues but he never touched HER. But now she has a child. Doubt arise. Does she do anything? Nope. Her daughter learns from her (like she learned from her mother) that you don't do anything.

Funny, I bet OP would be appalled if a child molester moved down the street. Of course her father IS the child molester so no need to alert anyone.

This is why these people continue to abuse children (and women).

911

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you didn't. I would have never brought it up and just made sure that you or another responsible adult was always there with him. No need to tell him that he would never be alone with your daughter. He only drops by so not a big deal.

It takes one time, moron.

wtf is your problem?

What's yours? This guy has no record of touching anyone inappropriately. Of all the women he supposedly touched, and they are running around the job and family telling people, why have they not told the police?

another blame the victim poster. this person is either a troll or a molester

Aren't you a blessing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you didn't. I would have never brought it up and just made sure that you or another responsible adult was always there with him. No need to tell him that he would never be alone with your daughter. He only drops by so not a big deal.

It takes one time, moron.

wtf is your problem?

What's yours? This guy has no record of touching anyone inappropriately. Of all the women he supposedly touched, and they are running around the job and family telling people, why have they not told the police?

another blame the victim poster. this person is either a troll or a molester

Anonymous wrote:There's no right answer except this bottomline:

Your father is to NEVER, EVER have a second alone with your DD. Period. And DH and the daycare and nanny and everybody on planet earth needs to be on board. Even if that's everybody but him.

Yes. Make sure daycare and school know that he and his wife are NOT on the lIst of people who can pick up DC. I think you did good by telling him why he could not be with DC, and in telling DC that he is not safe. Stop the secrecy with your generation.

You write that your dad is disrespectful of boundaries--and certainly him showing up unannounced at your home given your concerns is an example. In your shoes, I'd be really worried about the proximity between your homes. Not sure what the right answer is to handling that, though.

Anonymous wrote:You really wonder why people don't go to the police? I bet you wonder why all women who are raped don't come forward too.

Yes, I am wondering in this situation.

You really wonder why people don't go to the police? I bet you wonder why all women who are raped don't come forward too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you didn't. I would have never brought it up and just made sure that you or another responsible adult was always there with him. No need to tell him that he would never be alone with your daughter. He only drops by so not a big deal.

It takes one time, moron.

wtf is your problem?

What's yours? This guy has no record of touching anyone inappropriately. Of all the women he supposedly touched, and they are running around the job and family telling people, why have they not told the police?

Anonymous wrote:No, you didn't. I would have never brought it up and just made sure that you or another responsible adult was always there with him. No need to tell him that he would never be alone with your daughter. He only drops by so not a big deal.

It takes one time, moron.

wtf is your problem?

Anonymous wrote:"I can't cut him off completely. He has serious boundary issues in other areas too but seeing him once a month for 10 minutes is okay. He is selfish most of time but he can be charming too. "

OMG, you are soo stupid.

This is not helpful to the OP, who is in a really tight spot.

OP- I was molested by a family member who sounds a lot like your dad. I think you were right to warn your girls. If he actually lives down the street from you- as drastic as it sounds- I think I would move.