Anonymous wrote:We had one almost breakup. I had my sister and a close friend independently tell me something they observed in DH's behavior towards me. I thought about why they would say that and when I reflected I realized that they were right. For all the wonderful qualities of DH, I thought I cannot live with this the next 20 years and it was a deal breaker. I told him directly, I can't ask you to change for me but this isn't something I can't live with, this is a deal breaker. I was prepared to break up and it wasn't an ultimatum.He thought about and and was sort of quiet and asked follow up questions. I won't say it was dramatic improvement overnight but DH became more aware of his interactions with me and tried to improve and I also had to be more up front in letting him know when he was crossing into the behavior especially the first few months after our conversation.

I do agree with both PP poster, that the relationship should feel easy compared to the ones in the past (no reading the tea leaves) and also that relationships take work. The work part comes in with the communication and working through isssues/problems together and both sides finding compromises. Our near breakup and how that was handled was part of what made me think I could marry this guy. How can you get through thru "and for worse times" mentioned in the wedding vows if you don't know how to communicate with each other about difficult things and work to support each other?

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I did. 20 years later, I am thinking we should have taken our troubles as a sign and not gotten married. So much more complicated with children and all your finances tied together.