Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I would be upset too. My ILs are like this. We are expecting our first baby in a month (first grandchild for both sides) and none of them ever ask to speak to me on the phone when they call DH or ask how I'm doing with the pregnancy. His brother and sister won't even acknowledge I'm pregnant. None of them are planning to visit after the baby is born and I doubt I'll get so much as an email from them when I deliver (a baby gift would be out of the question). His father even flat out told us that he has no plans to meet the baby (probably when the child is in middle school). I've just learned to accept that this is how they are and I avoid them as much as possible (they all live out of state).

Baby -- that is a totally different situation. Your IL's are cray-cray. OP's IL'S have just not called. You do see the difference don't you?

+1!! Fwiw I come from a non birthday oriented family but we love and care about eachother. Just not into the fanfare. My in-laws make a big deal over birthdays and personally I find it narcissistic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Families are different. My spouse's family calls and sends cards for every conceivable occasion. They go out to nice meals to celebrate them . . . and then get into shouting matches with one another at those meals. My family never calls or sends cards, and gets together far less often . . . but thngs are calm and there's no drama when they get together.

Your feelings are valid, but you need to understand that there's not something "wrong" with your in-laws. They just do things differently than you.

It probably did not even occur to them to call for a 1st birthday because your child will not understand what is happening or remember it later. It doesn't reflect on how much they care about your child or how much they care about you.

Out of curiosity, did your MIL wish you happy mother's day this year? My MIL and my mother both forgot to do that the first year after my son was born. I think it takes grandparents a while to figure out what their role is.

Why in the world would either your mother or your mother in law wish you happy Mother's Day?? You are not their mother! What is wrong with you people?

Because she is a mother. That's why it is called "Mother's Day" not "YOUR Mother's Day". They sell Mother's Day cards for Aunts, Sisters, etc. none of which would be YOUR mother.

You are crazy and bound to be disappointed often.

How am I crazy? You can go in any CVS and find these cards. I did not make it up.
Neither did I say I expected to get a card. I do not care!
I am terrible about these things, a procrastinator.
However my mom AND MIL are good about sending them and I get cards from both.
It's nice, but not an obligation.

There is a small market for cards acknowledging someone other than your own mother on Mother's Day because some POS husbands can't be bothered to raise a finger on behalf of his kids, or a woman may be "like a mom" to a sibling or niece, etc. that doesn't mean that we all need to run out and start buying up cards for aunts, sisters, daughters, etc. who are being appropriately feted by their children and partners. Hallmark would love it if you did, but just because they sell a card doesn't mean you need to buy it.

We evidently shop at different stores. Last I looked there were tons of those cards.
ANYHOW, the pint was you can say, acknowledge, send email, smoke signals or psychic vibes to women OTHER OTHER THAN YOUR OWN MOTHER on Mothers Day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Families are different. My spouse's family calls and sends cards for every conceivable occasion. They go out to nice meals to celebrate them . . . and then get into shouting matches with one another at those meals. My family never calls or sends cards, and gets together far less often . . . but thngs are calm and there's no drama when they get together.

Your feelings are valid, but you need to understand that there's not something "wrong" with your in-laws. They just do things differently than you.

It probably did not even occur to them to call for a 1st birthday because your child will not understand what is happening or remember it later. It doesn't reflect on how much they care about your child or how much they care about you.

Out of curiosity, did your MIL wish you happy mother's day this year? My MIL and my mother both forgot to do that the first year after my son was born. I think it takes grandparents a while to figure out what their role is.

Why in the world would either your mother or your mother in law wish you happy Mother's Day?? You are not their mother! What is wrong with you people?

Because she is a mother. That's why it is called "Mother's Day" not "YOUR Mother's Day". They sell Mother's Day cards for Aunts, Sisters, etc. none of which would be YOUR mother.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP. I hope they did end up calling though.

If not, you can see what kind of people they are and will just have to accept the fact that it is how its going to be.

Let DH deal with the drama!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I would be upset too. My ILs are like this. We are expecting our first baby in a month (first grandchild for both sides) and none of them ever ask to speak to me on the phone when they call DH or ask how I'm doing with the pregnancy. His brother and sister won't even acknowledge I'm pregnant. None of them are planning to visit after the baby is born and I doubt I'll get so much as an email from them when I deliver (a baby gift would be out of the question). His father even flat out told us that he has no plans to meet the baby (probably when the child is in middle school). I've just learned to accept that this is how they are and I avoid them as much as possible (they all live out of state).

Baby -- that is a totally different situation. Your IL's are cray-cray. OP's IL'S have just not called. You do see the difference don't you?

+1!! Fwiw I come from a non birthday oriented family but we love and care about eachother. Just not into the fanfare. My in-laws make a big deal over birthdays and personally I find it narcissistic.

I would love if my ILs would let a birthday go by without fanfare. They celebrate each and every family member's birthday, from teenage grandchildren to adult children. Annoying in the sense that we're all nearby, so literally every month is a trek to their house for a birthday party. They have to throw the party or the birthday doesn't "count" - so DH can have a quiet celebration at our house, but then we all have to get the extended family together for the "real" celebration. Out of town on your birthday? Your party awaits, even a month later. Try this with two adult children, their young families and the grandparents and it is a nightmare to schedule.

Anonymous wrote:My IL's are the same way. They don't even send DH a card for his birthday. He gets cards from everyone in my family (with money attached often!), but not from his own.

I've learned to let it go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Families are different. My spouse's family calls and sends cards for every conceivable occasion. They go out to nice meals to celebrate them . . . and then get into shouting matches with one another at those meals. My family never calls or sends cards, and gets together far less often . . . but thngs are calm and there's no drama when they get together.

Your feelings are valid, but you need to understand that there's not something "wrong" with your in-laws. They just do things differently than you.

It probably did not even occur to them to call for a 1st birthday because your child will not understand what is happening or remember it later. It doesn't reflect on how much they care about your child or how much they care about you.

Out of curiosity, did your MIL wish you happy mother's day this year? My MIL and my mother both forgot to do that the first year after my son was born. I think it takes grandparents a while to figure out what their role is.

Why in the world would either your mother or your mother in law wish you happy Mother's Day?? You are not their mother! What is wrong with you people?

Because she is a mother. That's why it is called "Mother's Day" not "YOUR Mother's Day". They sell Mother's Day cards for Aunts, Sisters, etc. none of which would be YOUR mother.

You are crazy and bound to be disappointed often.

How am I crazy? You can go in any CVS and find these cards. I did not make it up.
Neither did I say I expected to get a card. I do not care!
I am terrible about these things, a procrastinator.
However my mom AND MIL are good about sending them and I get cards from both.
It's nice, but not an obligation.

There is a small market for cards acknowledging someone other than your own mother on Mother's Day because some POS husbands can't be bothered to raise a finger on behalf of his kids, or a woman may be "like a mom" to a sibling or niece, etc. that doesn't mean that we all need to run out and start buying up cards for aunts, sisters, daughters, etc. who are being appropriately feted by their children and partners. Hallmark would love it if you did, but just because they sell a card doesn't mean you need to buy it.