Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. When did everyone become so OCD? Or are the respondents just self-selecting that way? I'm not saying their house isn't gross, just that you can bring your own sheets and suck it up for a few days for the sake of being a kind and decent person.

Have you ever been in a disgustingly dirty house? Sound like No.

Anonymous wrote:Why can't your husband tell his parents that their house is filthy and that he doesn't feel comfortable staying there unless they clean it up or get it cleaned? I really see nothing wrong with a child telling his parents how it is. As long as it isn't you saying these things, it's fine. His parents probably don't realize how dirty their house is because it's what they see 24/7 and think is normal.

I was wondering the same thing!

Anonymous wrote:Why can't your husband tell his parents that their house is filthy and that he doesn't feel comfortable staying there unless they clean it up or get it cleaned? I really see nothing wrong with a child telling his parents how it is. As long as it isn't you saying these things, it's fine. His parents probably don't realize how dirty their house is because it's what they see 24/7 and think is normal.

I have a similar situation with my in laws - filth and add in a whole lot of hoarding - and none of the 3 sons say a word to the parents. One son hardly goes to their house to visit cause he can't stand it. The thing is that as horrible as the parents house is now it was like that to a lesser extent when DH and siblings lived there so they are kind of used to it. My in laws are now in their mid 80s and too loopy to listen to reason and don't see the dirt, mold on the food or dried stuff on the utensils. I have a 2 night stay maximum and because of the in laws age it hardly seems fair to DH to demand staying at a hotel since time with them is so precious.

OP again. As odd as it sounds, I just don't think the filth registered with my husband until I pointed it out in detail. It was just how his house was and then he lived in a fraternity house and with a series of roommates who were likely no cleaner. He has risen to the occasion at our house, but only because it's important to me -- I don't think he cares one way or the other. Now, if something happened to one if the kids at his parents' house he would be crushed, but, of course, no one wants it to go that far. Plus, there's an underlying defensiveness because his folks are not well to do and I think (reading between the lines) that he thinks I'm being a snob. I don't think there's a correlation between socioeconomic status and cleanliness, but that's what he seems to be hearing.

Why can't your husband tell his parents that their house is filthy and that he doesn't feel comfortable staying there unless they clean it up or get it cleaned? I really see nothing wrong with a child telling his parents how it is. As long as it isn't you saying these things, it's fine. His parents probably don't realize how dirty their house is because it's what they see 24/7 and think is normal.

Anonymous wrote:My parents are kind. Of like this. When my sister and I visit, one of us distracts them while the other "unpacks"upstairs. We bring a thing of Clorox wipes. We clean one bathroom, the bedroom we share, and the kitchen.

^^ This! The first time my DH and I stayed at MILs with the kids, there was dust all over the place, the bathtub has a brown ring around it. The next day when my MIL went to work for a few hours, DH and I went to town and cleaned the place up. I felt so much better having the kids crawl around and take a bath in the tub.

Now before we go, we simply tell MIL to hire a cleaning company so that she "doesn't have to clean up for us" and we reimburse her. She says it's a treat for her and I feel much better

I seriously read this twice, thinking "I don't remember writing this"...word for word we could have the same MIL. She has fed us moldy food, and the sheets are surely not clean when we arrive. I won't put my toothbrush down on the sink. And I always wear flip flops...learned my lesson by having to get glass removed from my foot, after also stepping on unidentifiable splinters and other debris. And I myself have a messy house, but when guests come mess is straighten up and the bathrooms and kitchen are scrubbed from top to bottom. No advise, just sympathy. We limit our visits, but they are sometimes unavoidable. The worst part is that without fail every time we walk in she talks about how she spent all day cleaning for us.

My moms house is like that. Think baby picking up sewing needles and cat litter on the floor. I've never taken my kids there, but when other family members go, they bring their own air mattresses, sheets and towels.
Why doesn't your DH care about the filth? Could your children be in danger there?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP ~ I think your husband needs time with his parents. You and the kids stay in a hotel. I would present it like that. I wouldn't do anything else.

This.

If he insists that he needs to stay there, then HE should. In the meantime, the pediatrician told you that the kids are allergic to dust/mold/pet dander whatever and they have to stay in a hotel. Works with my MIL and Mom (both horrific housekeepers with cats)

That's a great one. As long as you get DH's agreement to play along, you could just say one of your kids is allergic (a little more believable) so you'll just suck it up and stay at that nearby Marriott because your points are going to expire anyways. And it's not fair to have the other kid(s) over so you'll just stay with both. (Or, well, you'll just have both because there's a pool there)

hmm. another idea. depending on the situation, you could just stay at that nearby Marriott because the kids are really into swimming and you don't have a pool and neither does ILs so this is a chance for them to use the pool.

Anonymous wrote:OP ~ I think your husband needs time with his parents. You and the kids stay in a hotel. I would present it like that. I wouldn't do anything else.

This.

If he insists that he needs to stay there, then HE should. In the meantime, the pediatrician told you that the kids are allergic to dust/mold/pet dander whatever and they have to stay in a hotel. Works with my MIL and Mom (both horrific housekeepers with cats)

Bring your own sheets. How would anyone know if you don't point it out? Stuff their sheets in the closet.

A very close friend (single guy) of ours was like that. Great guy but a messy apartment. He gave me his keys and cheque book to take care of bills etc., when he flew to another country to marry his fiancee. I was so freaked out by what his new wife would think of him that I cleaned out his entire apartment. It took me DAYS to do everything. He had never vacuumed in the 2 years he had lived there and never cleaned his kitchen and bathroom. He had also not thrown away any of the pizza boxes in 2 years. I am just surprised that all I found was filth and mold but no critters. He had bags of dirty laundry in the bedroom. Tons of expired food in the fridge. This was 20 years ago. The only saving grace was he did not have any knick knacks or too many possessions. So once I did all his laundry and threw away the garbage, all I had to do was use elbow grease and steam clean the carpets.

He was very thankful. But then he was a guy, single, our best friend and not related to us. And this was 20 years ago.

OP ~ I think your husband needs time with his parents. You and the kids stay in a hotel. I would present it like that. I wouldn't do anything else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All 3 of my DILs are filthy housekeepers. Since my sons don't seem to care, I don't either. I just never visit. The one time I stayed at the oldest son's home and nearly suffocated from breathing dirty air, I never went back. They are welcome to come here.

This is not about being OCD. This is about common sanitary conditions and just plain laziness. How my boys put up with that mess I'll never know. When I asked them they said they were tired of fighting and doing all the housework.

It's disgusting when you visit and 3 weeks of dishes sit in greasy sink water. I can't do it. I stay away. They know why and I don't care.

Hate to break it to you, lady, but you raised 3 filthy sons. They're apparently used to expecting you to clean for them. If their houses are filthy, it's because they never clean as much as your DIL's don't. It takes two to leave dishes in the sink for 3 weeks!

+1 I love how she blames in on the DILs. Yeah, it takes two to tango. I don't consider myself the "housekeeper." My husband and I share those duties. We both live here. If her sons' houses are a mess, then the sons share the blame in messing it up and not cleaning enough.

My guess is she raised lazy sons who assume it's the woman's job to be housekeeper.

Anonymous wrote:All 3 of my DILs are filthy housekeepers. Since my sons don't seem to care, I don't either. I just never visit. The one time I stayed at the oldest son's home and nearly suffocated from breathing dirty air, I never went back. They are welcome to come here.

This is not about being OCD. This is about common sanitary conditions and just plain laziness. How my boys put up with that mess I'll never know. When I asked them they said they were tired of fighting and doing all the housework.

It's disgusting when you visit and 3 weeks of dishes sit in greasy sink water. I can't do it. I stay away. They know why and I don't care.

Hate to break it to you, lady, but you raised 3 filthy sons. They're apparently used to expecting you to clean for them. If their houses are filthy, it's because they never clean as much as your DIL's don't. It takes two to leave dishes in the sink for 3 weeks!