Anonymous wrote:Truthfully as a kid I was MUCH more scared of being in trouble at home than at school. I would lose dessert/TV privileges/outside play privileges, get yelled at or if I was truly bad a spanking.

IA, however, every child is different; but that worked for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is disciplined at school, he is usually not disciplined at home. The school recommends this -- home should be a place he's safe and comfortable, and not one where he's getting in trouble for things he's already been punished for. We do discuss the incident and what he could have done differently. Exceptions are made, and he'll lose screen time, when he does really bad things like pulling the fire alarm, attacking a teacher, or running away from school.

Wow. Attacking a teacher and running away from school? And the kid then 'loses screen time'? I'd say you need to come up with more serious consequences.

I have a special needs child who is already in a specialized program due to his behavior. His needs and behavior may be unique due to his medical diagnosis, but the discipline process (not re-punishing him, but rather discussing and helping him learn better behavior) can be applied just as appropriately to a neurotypical child. This is the approach recommended by a number of developmental specialists for a child his age.

Depends on the offense and the school penalty. I do not like the idea of taking away recess since they get so little play time as it is but that would be a serious enough consequence to not need a home one. But getting a unhappy faces alone and a call home - seems to indicate need for a home consequence especially given the biting. I too do not think it is common for teachers to call for every little thing but a K biting is not little - that is behavior I would want to know about in a kid half their age. By 5 there is no reason this should be anything other than unacceptable.

Anonymous wrote:If he is disciplined at school, he is usually not disciplined at home. The school recommends this -- home should be a place he's safe and comfortable, and not one where he's getting in trouble for things he's already been punished for. We do discuss the incident and what he could have done differently. Exceptions are made, and he'll lose screen time, when he does really bad things like pulling the fire alarm, attacking a teacher, or running away from school.

Wow. Attacking a teacher and running away from school? And the kid then 'loses screen time'? I'd say you need to come up with more serious consequences.

If he is disciplined at school, he is usually not disciplined at home. The school recommends this -- home should be a place he's safe and comfortable, and not one where he's getting in trouble for things he's already been punished for. We do discuss the incident and what he could have done differently. Exceptions are made, and he'll lose screen time, when he does really bad things like pulling the fire alarm, attacking a teacher, or running away from school.

We started giving consequences at home for poor behavior at school starting at age 5. Before that, it didn't really do much. This started in Pre-K when DS turned 5. For example, if I picked up DS from school and the teacher said he hit someone (he did!!) then I did punish at home that day. DS is a more aggressive, impulsive type of child. Now in K, I would absolutely provide consequences at home for poor behavior. I'm not talking minor offenses that require more of a pep talk. But, if the teacher calls me at home, then I will have to punish at home as well. Has worked well for discouraging poor behavior. We are also big fans of lots of positive reinforcement.

Anonymous wrote:There would definitely be consequences at my house for that behavior. Mine would lose screen time privileges during the weekend. If the teacher called you, it was bad. Teachers do not call for every little thing.

You clearly are not in fairfax. I got a call for my DD sticking her fingers in her shawl during circle time.

Our first-grader responds and responded more to positive rewards. She gets points based on the behavior at school (they are measured with a graphic). For a certain amount of points she gets a reward.

This worked for us and we gradually weaned off the reward system with no problem.

For severe offenses, we may have handled it differently. Thankfully, this has not been the case (and hopefully won't be).

My son is five. We had this happen once too. He lost all his "house privileges" for the day (tv, computer) etc, and I made him dictate a letter of apology to the teacher (he had freaked out when the teacher asked him to clean up and started saying "I hate you and wish you weren't my teacher" , and had to be removed from the classroom).

He raged all that night when he realized we were serious about the "no privileges" thing, but the next morning we sat and talked about it. Since then, I remind him in the morning that we want to have a good day, remind him what to say when he's upset or disappointed, and also remind him that we have allowed the teacher to make a decision that he could lose his tv if she thinks he's been too mean or disruptive. We went into school together, and I made him go in and apologize in person and hand her the note.

So far, no new incidents of nastiness. He did have one meltdown since then, but the circumstances were quite different and I sided with my son. The teacher also hadn't recommended he lose his privileges, either.

There would definitely be consequences at my house for that behavior. Mine would lose screen time privileges during the weekend. If the teacher called you, it was bad. Teachers do not call for every little thing.

Yes, bad behavior at school means a loss of privileges at home that evening. Kids need to know that poor behavior at school is not acceptable, and there is a consequence on the home front. Started in k for my dc.

My K teacher recommended that we institute a positive reward system for getting dd through the day without misbehaving. This was after several times of her getting in trouble. We did that for one day to get her on the right track, and she has mostly been a good kid since then.

I did also give her a scared straight talk. I told her that the consequences at school would get worse, that if she continued to disobey, she would be sent to the principal's office, after that she could get suspended and not get to go to school for 3 days. If she still continued to misbehave, she could be expelled and kicked out of school all together. This did seem to make a difference for her. She didn't seem to think anything would happen if she continued to be bad at school. She has been much better since we had the "talk."

Anonymous wrote:At what age do "future" punishments become effective? DD just turned 3, and I am pretty sure saying "no Dora tonight" or "no party on Saturday" would be meaningless to her. But it sounds like at five, that kind of thing is effective.

Depends on the kid, but I'd say it's not 100% effective for kindergartener so especially boys.

At this age, I think what you need to do is nip it in the bud. Have a serious talk with him tonight, to let him know you mean business. Then, let him know what will happen if it he gets in trouble at school again (no ipad, no TV, no DS, whatever). Follow through.