Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 23:39     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
OP seems more trolly as the thread goes on. I think everyone's made the same point- he's going to be a bad husband and a bad father if this is the way he treats your mother. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 23:37     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
If he's jealous of your mother he's not going to deal well with a nursing baby who needs you around the clock. There is a big difference between playing with someone else's kids and parenting. Parenting is a 24/7 job, you don't get to do just the fun stuff, it's not always a backyard BBQ and playing games, it's being covered in pee at 3am because your toddler had another accident, it's battles over meals and wearing a coat when it's freezing. He's not ready to be a father, don't make him one.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 23:24     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe you are almost 40 and

A. you think that's old.
B. you aren't self aware enough to know that life is too short to put up with cruel people.
C. you don't need anyone else to validate you. Better to wait for the right one than any one.


Yeah, but I want to have kids, and this guy really, really wants to have kids.


Troll.


No. He really, really wants to have kids. Always has. Also always has wanted to get married. That's what makes this so difficult. It's like mixed messages in a sense. Although we have been together too long for that to explain everything. I honestly feel he is jealous of my mom. But it's not a mature or respectful way to act and it makes me really mad and hurts my feelings. Someone asked, he is late thirties, as well.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 23:22     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe you are almost 40 and

A. you think that's old.
B. you aren't self aware enough to know that life is too short to put up with cruel people.
C. you don't need anyone else to validate you. Better to wait for the right one than any one.


Yeah, but I want to have kids, and this guy really, really wants to have kids.


Once again, it is better to have children ALONE, yes, ALONE, than with a jerk.

I also am having a hard time believing that you are 40, and am beginning to wonder if this post is real.


I am almost 40, late 30s. And my mother was a single mother and I know very well exactly how hard that is and I honestly would not wish it on anyone. But I do appreciate your help and advice and I know it is coming from a very good place in your heart. I am not remotely crazy about his family and I still act nicely to them every time. Mostly everything else between us is fine. I do take everyone's comments about being next to heart. Most things are ok. I just wish there was some advice as to how to change this. He knows it makes me mad/sad. How could he not. Anyway, sorry, and thank you for the advice. I do appreciate it.


Oh, I see. You need advice on how to "fix" him because he fits all your other criteria. I'm sure that as a regular reader of this forum you know that is a fantastic strategy for starting off your marriage. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Sorry, you cannot change your spouse's behavior. If someone cannot show basic consideration for your family, that should be a deal-breaker. Guess what, 100% of people who are divorced today decided "most things are ok" and married someone they were not compatible with.


The thing that really pisses me off is that I feel that if they had a ton of money he would kiss their butts. He is like that with his family (whom I think are lousy individuals, but have upper middle class money not even real money).
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 23:21     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe you are almost 40 and

A. you think that's old.
B. you aren't self aware enough to know that life is too short to put up with cruel people.
C. you don't need anyone else to validate you. Better to wait for the right one than any one.


Yeah, but I want to have kids, and this guy really, really wants to have kids.


Troll.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 23:20     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
Anonymous wrote:OP here's the deal kids are a lot of work & parenting is really HARD. If he can't deal with your aging mother no way in hell he can deal with a toddler or colicky baby. It's just not going to happen, you are going to end up solo parenting if you have kids with this man. Head over to the relationship forum, lots of women are married to selfish assholes like this and trying to co-parenting with them is a nightmare.


Well that's a good point I hadn't really thought about. He could not even deal with the mewling kitten. I was the one getting up to keep it quiet (bc it was my kitten). But he is great w kids and is famous for playing w all his friends children.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 23:16     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe you are almost 40 and

A. you think that's old.
B. you aren't self aware enough to know that life is too short to put up with cruel people.
C. you don't need anyone else to validate you. Better to wait for the right one than any one.


Yeah, but I want to have kids, and this guy really, really wants to have kids.


Once again, it is better to have children ALONE, yes, ALONE, than with a jerk.

I also am having a hard time believing that you are 40, and am beginning to wonder if this post is real.


I am almost 40, late 30s. And my mother was a single mother and I know very well exactly how hard that is and I honestly would not wish it on anyone. But I do appreciate your help and advice and I know it is coming from a very good place in your heart. I am not remotely crazy about his family and I still act nicely to them every time. Mostly everything else between us is fine. I do take everyone's comments about being next to heart. Most things are ok. I just wish there was some advice as to how to change this. He knows it makes me mad/sad. How could he not. Anyway, sorry, and thank you for the advice. I do appreciate it.


Oh, I see. You need advice on how to "fix" him because he fits all your other criteria. I'm sure that as a regular reader of this forum you know that is a fantastic strategy for starting off your marriage. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Sorry, you cannot change your spouse's behavior. If someone cannot show basic consideration for your family, that should be a deal-breaker. Guess what, 100% of people who are divorced today decided "most things are ok" and married someone they were not compatible with.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 23:16     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
OP here's the deal kids are a lot of work & parenting is really HARD. If he can't deal with your aging mother no way in hell he can deal with a toddler or colicky baby. It's just not going to happen, you are going to end up solo parenting if you have kids with this man. Head over to the relationship forum, lots of women are married to selfish assholes like this and trying to co-parenting with them is a nightmare.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 23:12     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe you are almost 40 and

A. you think that's old.
B. you aren't self aware enough to know that life is too short to put up with cruel people.
C. you don't need anyone else to validate you. Better to wait for the right one than any one.


Yeah, but I want to have kids, and this guy really, really wants to have kids.


Once again, it is better to have children ALONE, yes, ALONE, than with a jerk.

I also am having a hard time believing that you are 40, and am beginning to wonder if this post is real.


I am almost 40, late 30s. And my mother was a single mother and I know very well exactly how hard that is and I honestly would not wish it on anyone. But I do appreciate your help and advice and I know it is coming from a very good place in your heart. I am not remotely crazy about his family and I still act nicely to them every time. Mostly everything else between us is fine. I do take everyone's comments about being next to heart. Most things are ok. I just wish there was some advice as to how to change this. He knows it makes me mad/sad. How could he not. Anyway, sorry, and thank you for the advice. I do appreciate it.


How old is he?
Take the advice here with a grain of salt. Women here are always gungho about leaving husbands and boyfriends, and for much less than you are describing here. It's very tough being alone and, at 40, you don't have that many options.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 23:06     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe you are almost 40 and

A. you think that's old.
B. you aren't self aware enough to know that life is too short to put up with cruel people.
C. you don't need anyone else to validate you. Better to wait for the right one than any one.


Yeah, but I want to have kids, and this guy really, really wants to have kids.


Once again, it is better to have children ALONE, yes, ALONE, than with a jerk.

I also am having a hard time believing that you are 40, and am beginning to wonder if this post is real.


I am almost 40, late 30s. And my mother was a single mother and I know very well exactly how hard that is and I honestly would not wish it on anyone. But I do appreciate your help and advice and I know it is coming from a very good place in your heart. I am not remotely crazy about his family and I still act nicely to them every time. Mostly everything else between us is fine. I do take everyone's comments about being next to heart. Most things are ok. I just wish there was some advice as to how to change this. He knows it makes me mad/sad. How could he not. Anyway, sorry, and thank you for the advice. I do appreciate it.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 23:00     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe you are almost 40 and

A. you think that's old.
B. you aren't self aware enough to know that life is too short to put up with cruel people.
C. you don't need anyone else to validate you. Better to wait for the right one than any one.


Yeah, but I want to have kids, and this guy really, really wants to have kids.


Once again, it is better to have children ALONE, yes, ALONE, than with a jerk.

I also am having a hard time believing that you are 40, and am beginning to wonder if this post is real.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 22:58     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe you are almost 40 and

A. you think that's old.
B. you aren't self aware enough to know that life is too short to put up with cruel people.
C. you don't need anyone else to validate you. Better to wait for the right one than any one.


Yeah, but I want to have kids, and this guy really, really wants to have kids.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 22:54     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
I find it hard to believe you are almost 40 and

A. you think that's old.
B. you aren't self aware enough to know that life is too short to put up with cruel people.
C. you don't need anyone else to validate you. Better to wait for the right one than any one.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 22:54     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
Anonymous wrote:OP, this is exactly how he will treat you as soon as you are married. End the relationship NOW! I'm sorry, and as someone who broke off an engagement I know it's hard, but you really have to do it.

Not only you, I will add, but your children as well.
Anonymous
Post 10/27/2013 22:51     Subject: Fiancé rude to my mother
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Attentive to you now and not to others you care about? In a few years that will translate to not attentive to you either, my friend. And don't think you can change him.

MAJOR red flag, OP. Either he is really a jerk or he has some kind of social disability like Asperger's, that will make life quite difficult for you (believe my own experience!).

Breaking off the engagement is WAY cheaper and less traumatic than divorcing him, especially if there are children and custody issues; or worse, living with him.

You've been warned!


THIS. RUN. I dated a guy like this. You're next in line for his "not rude rude" treatment.


What is that? Does it change?

I didn't mean it like a question, I meant what IS that. Like where does it come from? Why does he act like this?


Because he is a selfish, unkind person.

Is that the kind of person you want to spend your life with?