Being attracted to others isn't a problem when you aren't acting on it, aren't putting yourself in a position where something improper "just happens," and your spouse are both happy in your sex life.

It's more problematic where your spouse (wrongly) thinks you're "low drive"; when the reality is that you want sex, just not with him or her; and you are having fantasies about someone other than your spouse.

I have a similar problem. I'm totally attracted to my husband's friend. Good thing we don't see each other a lot. But yum.

Anonymous wrote:So why is it ok for a man (DH) to think about his wife's friends but a woman can't do the same?

There's nothing wrong with finding another man attractive, IMO. Getting married doesn't mean you become less human, but you have a commitment - not only to abstain from romantic relationships outside the marriage, but also to conduct your social and professional life in such a way that preserves the integrity of the marriage. So it should be clear to your friends, your coworkers, every one that you are serious about your marriage - there should be no room for some one to feel as if you lead him or her, to make them think you're open to an affair. If a friend actively dislikes your spouse, makes that known, and makes your spouse feel unwelcome at social gatherings, then that friendship should become very limited - there should not be room for uncertainty about where your priorities are. That goes for both wives & husbands. Fidelity is not just about keeping your genitals to yourself & your spouse; it is a way of life that guides you through these kinds of situations - whether it's your friend's hot husband, the flirty coworker, or a friendly face in a lonely, sad moment of your life.

OP - do you notice any pattern to the intensity of your attraction to your friend's husband? When I started charting, I noticed that when I ovulate, I find just about any well-groomed man between 20-45 hot - very hot, and it's hard to carry on a productive, professional conversation while all these sexy fantasies are flowing through my mind. I had noticed these phases before - a few days in a row when every man alive seemed to just smell of sex - but I didn't realize they were due to my biology. Just a thought - if your attraction has a pattern to it, stay away when you're in heat, as they say. Better yet, stay home with your husband - he'll appreciate the extra intensity.

So why is it ok for a man (DH) to think about his wife's friends but a woman can't do the same?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guarantee men look at their wives friends and assess whether they are fuckable... I am just stating a fact that this friend's husband is attractive. I promise I would never act on anything.

+1 - guy here and the rack and you're spot on OP (though every woman is fuckable - the difference is whether or not you'd wan to put your own dick in her).

never say anything to the buddies themselves, just a quiet observation that usually occurs the first or second time the woman/wife/SO is introduced.

Correct. We can definitely be attracted to our friend's wives. Remember, we think about sex all day.

Anonymous wrote:So let's have an honest conversation - how many people here are attracted to a friend's partner?

There are a couple dads that I find attractive - one is just beautiful and the other is incredibly witty. Absolutely no desire to act on it and I very highly doubt that they'd be attracted to me.

I'm more worried about the recurring dreams about my ex....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would never ever ever act on some stupid attraction. I am married and so is he. Friend is amazingly wonderful. Yes - demonstrates problems at home with DH. I have no idea how to make things better at home but I am not really attracted to DH right now and am unhappy with our relationship. But 100000 percent guarantee I would never act on anything....

The problem is that this statement belies your 'belief' that you wouldn't act on your apparently mutual attraction....too many examples of well intended folks who let things go too far and use this type situation as an excuse for not having to deal with the core problem between themselves and their spouse.

And nothing in life is guaranteed except death, taxes and the unconditional love of a child

Well, death and taxes at any rate is guaranteed. Certainly not the "unconditional love of a child" if you're living on the planet earth.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guarantee men look at their wives friends and assess whether they are fuckable... I am just stating a fact that this friend's husband is attractive. I promise I would never act on anything.

+1 - guy here and the rack and you're spot on OP (though every woman is fuckable - the difference is whether or not you'd wan to put your own dick in her).

never say anything to the buddies themselves, just a quiet observation that usually occurs the first or second time the woman/wife/SO is introduced.

OP here. I guarantee men look at their wives friends and assess whether they are fuckable... I am just stating a fact that this friend's husband is attractive. I promise I would never act on anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just fantasize about your friend's husband while having sex with DH. You will enjoy it more, and the better sex will almost certainly help other areas of your marriage.

I don't think finding some else attractive has to mean their are issues in your own marriage. My marriage has been better the last 2 years than the 13 years before. I've been attracted to other men the last two years in addition to my husband. Not sure if it the cause or the effect but I'll reap the rewards of a happier marriage

I didn't mean to imply that I thought there was a problem. I just think that this kind of attraction can be channeled to improve one's marriage.

sorry, I originally quoted you to agree with you. Got distracted by all the posters saying she must be miserable in her marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just fantasize about your friend's husband while having sex with DH. You will enjoy it more, and the better sex will almost certainly help other areas of your marriage.

I don't think finding some else attractive has to mean their are issues in your own marriage. My marriage has been better the last 2 years than the 13 years before. I've been attracted to other men the last two years in addition to my husband. Not sure if it the cause or the effect but I'll reap the rewards of a happier marriage

I didn't mean to imply that I thought there was a problem. I just think that this kind of attraction can be channeled to improve one's marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Some women wear menopause on their sleeves.

Huh, are you menopausal?

Nope. When I am, I hope I will not behave like a wild animal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did that happen! I don't find my friends' husbands attractive.

Same here. They're like brothers in that they're so far off limits to me I can't even see them as possibly attractive men. They're just "Jane's husband." I like them all but attracted to them? NO way.

Honestly, I doubt the man in question here has a mutual attraction to OP. She's just currently unhappy in her marriage and that is causing her to see attraction where it probably isn't. I am not a bad looking woman at all, but I highly doubt any of my friends' husbands are attracted to me for the same reason I am not attracted to them.

I agree sort of, but will say that the husband of the friend I like is someone I sort of knew well before they started dating, or even knew each other. I knew him from afar in college and had a crush on him. She re-met him as adults and they married. My friends whose husband's I meet for the first time as my friend's husband or boyfriend, no, Im never attracted to those. They go into a "friend's territory" box right away.

Anonymous wrote:Finding other people attractive just means that you have a fertile fantasy life. If you recognize this and do not act on it, I do not think there is any harm in it.

There is no reason to think that there is anything wrong with your own marriage if you find someone else attractive. It just means that you are not dead.

Quoted Poster - I'm going to start fantasizing about you now