Anonymous
10/24/2013 21:14
Subject: New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
Anonymous wrote:OP here again- I did skip the bachelorette party and bridal shower. It was last weekend. It was eight hours away. And because I am the maid of honor, I sent money, prizes, gift certificates and games that I had put together to the site of the party. My newborn is my #1 priority.
You are the maid of honor for your DH's sister?
Anonymous
10/24/2013 21:13
Subject: New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This isn't about OP being honest. She can be as honest or open as she wants, but her husband is not going to skip his own brother's bachelor party.
OP, your feelings and concerns are legitimate, but you need to understand that DH attending this event is about neither you nor DH. It is about his brother. Would you seriously consider skipping out on your sibling's wedding event if your DH felt self-conscious about one of the activities? And would you even want to be married to someone who cares little enough about his siblings to agree to back out of this?
Of course he can skip it. It is not a wedding. It is a bachelor party.
So? Is the OP going to skip her sister's bridal shower?
It is not his brother, it is his sister's fiancé.
And I think skipping ANY bachelor or bachelorette party is fine. I also think skipping a shower is fine (although this is not the same as a shower).
Anonymous
10/24/2013 21:07
Subject: New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
Never understood going to strip clubs as a last hurrah before marriage. In any other setting, looking and giving money to naked men/women would be unacceptable but it's okay because it's a strip club?
Anonymous
10/24/2013 19:04
Subject: New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
Anonymous wrote:Let's break this down to the component parts.
You knew about the trip for a long time, and had no problem with it. You're still not upset that he's going on the trip.
You have no fundamental objection to strip clubs, and have gone yourself, "many times." He knows this.
On Wednesday, you find out that he's going to a strip club. You are surprised that a bachelor party in Vegas for a 25 yo will have "go to strip club" on the itinerary. (Seriously?)
I'm still not clear what you want him to do - not go on the trip? Bail on the strip club?
I don't think your feelings are completely unreasonable, but this is one of those instances that you don't really get to complain about. If you'd always been opposed to strip clubs, and he was sneaking to one without telling you, you'd have a beef. But you have always been OK with them (and presumably will be again - it's just a temporary feelign you have), and he had every right to think that you still were. I don't think you should demand he change his plans 2 days before the trip because you suddenly (and temporarily) reversed a long-standing acceptance (or even liking) of strip clubs. Not what you wanted to hear, but that's my first reaction.
+1
Anonymous
10/24/2013 18:51
Subject: New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
17:34 look up trolling on the internet.
Anonymous
10/24/2013 18:32
Subject: Re:New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Shit. This whole thing has DHs wanting a happy ending from a stripper all over it. No other reason he would still go knowing OPs feelings. Sorry.
Really? The guy's been lookign forward to a Vegas trip for a while now. Two days beforehand, he wife radically reverses field and tells him that she's sad about the strip club (NOT that he's going at all). And in your mind, the "only reason" he is still going (even though she has no problem with him going) is because he wants a happy ending?
Alrighty then.
Yes, because he knew all along about the strippers/strip club and said nothing. Would never have said anything. She found out about it by accident. This kind of lie of omission speaks volumes about his intentions.
Anonymous
10/24/2013 17:34
Subject: Re:New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
Anonymous wrote:Shit. This whole thing has DHs wanting a happy ending from a stripper all over it. No other reason he would still go knowing OPs feelings. Sorry.
Really? The guy's been lookign forward to a Vegas trip for a while now. Two days beforehand, he wife radically reverses field and tells him that she's sad about the strip club (NOT that he's going at all). And in your mind, the "only reason" he is still going (even though she has no problem with him going) is because he wants a happy ending?
Alrighty then.
Anonymous
10/24/2013 17:25
Subject: Re:New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
Shit. This whole thing has DHs wanting a happy ending from a stripper all over it. No other reason he would still go knowing OPs feelings. Sorry.
Anonymous
10/24/2013 17:14
Subject: New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
Let's break this down to the component parts.
You knew about the trip for a long time, and had no problem with it. You're still not upset that he's going on the trip.
You have no fundamental objection to strip clubs, and have gone yourself, "many times." He knows this.
On Wednesday, you find out that he's going to a strip club. You are surprised that a bachelor party in Vegas for a 25 yo will have "go to strip club" on the itinerary. (Seriously?)
I'm still not clear what you want him to do - not go on the trip? Bail on the strip club?
I don't think your feelings are completely unreasonable, but this is one of those instances that you don't really get to complain about. If you'd always been opposed to strip clubs, and he was sneaking to one without telling you, you'd have a beef. But you have always been OK with them (and presumably will be again - it's just a temporary feelign you have), and he had every right to think that you still were. I don't think you should demand he change his plans 2 days before the trip because you suddenly (and temporarily) reversed a long-standing acceptance (or even liking) of strip clubs. Not what you wanted to hear, but that's my first reaction.
You knew about the trip for a long time, and had no problem with it. You're still not upset that he's going on the trip.
You have no fundamental objection to strip clubs, and have gone yourself, "many times." He knows this.
On Wednesday, you find out that he's going to a strip club. You are surprised that a bachelor party in Vegas for a 25 yo will have "go to strip club" on the itinerary. (Seriously?)
I'm still not clear what you want him to do - not go on the trip? Bail on the strip club?
I don't think your feelings are completely unreasonable, but this is one of those instances that you don't really get to complain about. If you'd always been opposed to strip clubs, and he was sneaking to one without telling you, you'd have a beef. But you have always been OK with them (and presumably will be again - it's just a temporary feelign you have), and he had every right to think that you still were. I don't think you should demand he change his plans 2 days before the trip because you suddenly (and temporarily) reversed a long-standing acceptance (or even liking) of strip clubs. Not what you wanted to hear, but that's my first reaction.
Anonymous
10/24/2013 17:00
Subject: Re:New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
OP, I get it. I had something similar come up when my #1 was about that age. It wasn't a strip club outing, it was a football game with the guys. I was upset that he would even consider going when my #1 was a mere 8 weeks old. I was a hormonal mess and I just didn't want to be left alone. And I am someone who generally completely supports guys outings. I did previous to kids and I do now regularly. I remember not wanting to tell him not to go. I wanted him to come to that conclusion on his own and I was really upset.
I think those first few months after a new baby are really, really hard. I think you're probably not your normal self and it's very upsetting to have a reaction that doesn't feel like you. Or at least that's what got to me...I felt like I was this horrible, clingy, insecure slob. But in any case, my feelings were real. Ugh.
In my case, he ended up not going and I felt sort of guilty. I think your husband should probably take a pass, but I also probably wouldn't tell him not to go. I just would be very honest about your feelings and see where that leads.
You'll get through this and you'll feel like yourself again. Good luck.
I think those first few months after a new baby are really, really hard. I think you're probably not your normal self and it's very upsetting to have a reaction that doesn't feel like you. Or at least that's what got to me...I felt like I was this horrible, clingy, insecure slob. But in any case, my feelings were real. Ugh.
In my case, he ended up not going and I felt sort of guilty. I think your husband should probably take a pass, but I also probably wouldn't tell him not to go. I just would be very honest about your feelings and see where that leads.
You'll get through this and you'll feel like yourself again. Good luck.
Anonymous
10/24/2013 16:45
Subject: New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Man here. I couldn't set foot in a strip club after I had daughters. Just saying.
I think this could be a nice, enlightened sentiment except that in my experience the guys I know who take this position also tend to be the fathers who freak out when their daughter goes out on a date but don't blink at their sons being players.
Well, you don't know me. If I had sons, I'd totally be slut shaming their dates.
LOL well as long as you're misogynistic across the board, I guess its ok.
Anonymous
10/24/2013 16:44
Subject: New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
Anonymous wrote:OP here again- I did skip the bachelorette party and bridal shower. It was last weekend. It was eight hours away. And because I am the maid of honor, I sent money, prizes, gift certificates and games that I had put together to the site of the party. My newborn is my #1 priority.
And there you have it....the entire issue can be boiled down to this. You do not think that your DH is putting you and the baby as his first priority. All the strip club stuff is window dressing and complicates the issue. Perhaps the discussion would be easier to have if you just boiled it down to DH like this.
Anonymous
10/24/2013 16:37
Subject: New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
OP here again- I did skip the bachelorette party and bridal shower. It was last weekend. It was eight hours away. And because I am the maid of honor, I sent money, prizes, gift certificates and games that I had put together to the site of the party. My newborn is my #1 priority.
Anonymous
10/24/2013 16:27
Subject: New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This isn't about OP being honest. She can be as honest or open as she wants, but her husband is not going to skip his own brother's bachelor party.
OP, your feelings and concerns are legitimate, but you need to understand that DH attending this event is about neither you nor DH. It is about his brother. Would you seriously consider skipping out on your sibling's wedding event if your DH felt self-conscious about one of the activities? And would you even want to be married to someone who cares little enough about his siblings to agree to back out of this?
Of course he can skip it. It is not a wedding. It is a bachelor party.
So? Is the OP going to skip her sister's bridal shower?
Anonymous
10/24/2013 16:24
Subject: New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Man here. I couldn't set foot in a strip club after I had daughters. Just saying.
I think this could be a nice, enlightened sentiment except that in my experience the guys I know who take this position also tend to be the fathers who freak out when their daughter goes out on a date but don't blink at their sons being players.
Well, you don't know me. If I had sons, I'd totally be slut shaming their dates.