I think the definition of a naggar is someone who asks once, waits 10 minutes asks again, waits 10 minutes asks again, etc, etc. She keeps pestering until the chore is done immediately.

If a woman can't ask a man to do a simple household chore without being accused of being a nag, we have a societal problem.

With that said, the woman can't blow it out of proportion. Instead of yelling and picking fights, the response should've been, "hey, can you please do the dishes now while I start the laundry?"

If he still does not do them, then calmly have a talk about the division of labor. Make lists of who does what and what everyone's responsibilities are.

Anonymous wrote:He is likely balking at being told him what to do and being treated like he is a child with a chore list.

I have no doubt if a woman who is at home all day with young children posted that her husband called and told her exactly what household chores had to be done that day then come home to find them not done and therefore felt justified in getting angry at her for not doing what she was told to do, he would be called names much worse than a nagger.

The issue is, I'm home all day with the kids 5 days a week so we have a routine. I left te chores to a minimum for him. Te minimum necessary to make things easier for me when I got home tired and easy for him to spend quality time with them unfortunately he was not smart enough to see it.

He is likely balking at being told him what to do and being treated like he is a child with a chore list.

I have no doubt if a woman who is at home all day with young children posted that her husband called and told her exactly what household chores had to be done that day then come home to find them not done and therefore felt justified in getting angry at her for not doing what she was told to do, he would be called names much worse than a nagger.

OP, You are much much too hard on yourself Dear.

You are by no means a "Nagger!!"

Do not let your husband convince you otherwise!!

The problem lies within him, not you.

If he cannot follow the most simple instructions, then he is either a). lazy or b). an idiot or c). both. I choose c.

Why the hell is it so hard for him to rinse and stack the dishes and transfer the clothes from washing machine to dryer??! That is the relatively easy part of the chores.

What a bum. <---- Your hubby.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he was with the kids all day? If my DH expected me to do anything other than childcare while I was with the kids I would go ballistic. So maybe your expectations are too high here.

Wow. You can't clean up after yourself and the kids?

This thread illustrates that everyone has a natural threshold for mess and that those can be different. I would never leave dirty dishes around the house, but I might rinse them and leave them in the sink until I had time to empty the dishwasher and put them in there. I would be bothered by someone who left crusty dishes in other rooms - to me, that is lazy. that doesn't make me uptight, it makes me a person who thinks that even with a small baby around the house (which I had just 4 years ago), you can still maintain the semblance of cleanliness.

It's great if the messy folks on this thread are with other messy folks and the neat folks are with other neat people, but it sounds like the OP is a neat person married to a messy one, and that can cause problems.

Anonymous wrote:OP--I had similar experiences and after a while, it's so tiring to constantly tell a grown man to do basic household chores. Makes you feel resentful and like a big nag. So I have accepted it, and just do the clothes, dishes, trash, vacuuming, etc. We share in on the cooking duties. And I appreciate it when DH does the handyman jobs, fixing cars, yard work, etc. It is much easier on both if you just accept that you are better at the task and you just do it. It's annoying at first, but after awhile, you get use to it and it's not a big deal anymore.

Right, me too. The problem is that I'm so furious all the time that I spend whatever I want and sleep around. Oh well. He shoulda just shouldered his part of the load. And to the pp who is pg with her third, although she has one autistic child and one toddler already and a helpless DH, you are fuckin totally nuts.

I'm a natural slob and even I couldn't claim that child care rendered me incapable of rinsing a few plates and putting clothes in the dryer, not with a straight face.

OP--I had similar experiences and after a while, it's so tiring to constantly tell a grown man to do basic household chores. Makes you feel resentful and like a big nag. So I have accepted it, and just do the clothes, dishes, trash, vacuuming, etc. We share in on the cooking duties. And I appreciate it when DH does the handyman jobs, fixing cars, yard work, etc. It is much easier on both if you just accept that you are better at the task and you just do it. It's annoying at first, but after awhile, you get use to it and it's not a big deal anymore.

Naggar, please!

Anonymous wrote:When you asked him to do these things, did he say "yes", "no", or nothing? If he said "yes", then you had the right to break down crying when you got home. If he said "no" or nothing, then divorce him, as this type is just looking for a maid, and not for a wife (unless you enjoying being a maid).

oh... and if you didn't wait to hear his answer, then you are a nag.

When you asked him to do these things, did he say "yes", "no", or nothing? If he said "yes", then you had the right to break down crying when you got home. If he said "no" or nothing, then divorce him, as this type is just looking for a maid, and not for a wife (unless you enjoying being a maid).

If you ask once, you are not a nagger.
If you ask more than once something he should have done without even being told (like putting stuff in the sink), then you've been PROVOKED into nagging and he should stop complaining about it and just do it. That's your situation, OP, so read him the riot act.

Anything else and you really are nagging

Anonymous wrote:Well you sound like a nag! Sure it is easy to put one cup in the dishwasher but that presumes the dishwasher is empty ... And what about the bowl half filled with yogurt, the frying pan for the egg, the coffee cup, the cutting board that has to be hand washed ... I am not afraid to admit I would rather leave all that in the sink and go for a walk with my toddler some of us have different priorities than you. The point is that you cannot simply deem your preferences to be the way things must go, because there is no absolute one right way.

I think you're probably arguing with the type of person who doesn't remember that when her kids were younger, they used to make noise in restaurants.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, seriously, PP, you can't be expected to do anything around the house if the kids are around? you've got to be kidding me. I'm a full-time working single mom and I manage to get it all done even when I'm home with the kid. It's called being a grownup and not a total slob.

I'm sorry, but it's not rocket science to not leave gross dishes all over the place. That should be expected. I can see him forgetting to switch the clothes, and that is something I wouldn't bother to nag about - I'd just do that myself because it takes 60 seconds. You might be a nag, OP, but if this is the norm, it's not without reason.

With a young baby or toddler it can be tough to fit in anything else. In my house we prefer to focus on the kid and be a bit more relaxed instead of being type a about getting it all done. And btw I have the same expectation of our nanny - she should focus on the kids and relax during nap times instead of running around like crazy. Because she is great she does manage to clean up lunch and do bottles usually.

No, it is not tough to put your cup in the dishwasher. You sound like a child. It is much easier to put things away right then and there rather than to have to spend 20 minutes or more doing it later.

Well you sound like a nag! Sure it is easy to put one cup in the dishwasher but that presumes the dishwasher is empty ... And what about the bowl half filled with yogurt, the frying pan for the egg, the coffee cup, the cutting board that has to be hand washed ... I am not afraid to admit I would rather leave all that in the sink and go for a walk with my toddler some of us have different priorities than you. The point is that you cannot simply deem your preferences to be the way things must go, because there is no absolute one right way.