Anonymous wrote:I say it is a team effort so BOTH parties should have a say in things pertaining to the bedroom.

And when it's not a team effort ...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The husband. The wife should always submit to her husband whenever her husband calls her to bed. That is one of the duties of a wife, and if she declines, she is sinning.

This is from the Islamic perspective. Doesn't Christianity and Judaism have some sort of similar rule?

Yes. And Anal Sex is a requirement.

PP here. Disgusting. Anal sex is forbidden in Islam, thank you very much.

Anonymous wrote:The husband. The wife should always submit to her husband whenever her husband calls her to bed. That is one of the duties of a wife, and if she declines, she is sinning.

This is from the Islamic perspective. Doesn't Christianity and Judaism have some sort of similar rule?

Huh. And these rules were set out by...men. Funny thing that. Coincidence? I think not.

I say it is a team effort so BOTH parties should have a say in things pertaining to the bedroom.

Anonymous wrote:The husband. The wife should always submit to her husband whenever her husband calls her to bed. That is one of the duties of a wife, and if she declines, she is sinning.

This is from the Islamic perspective. Doesn't Christianity and Judaism have some sort of similar rule?

Yes. And Anal Sex is a requirement.

Anonymous wrote:The husband. The wife should always submit to her husband whenever her husband calls her to bed. That is one of the duties of a wife, and if she declines, she is sinning.

This is from the Islamic perspective. Doesn't Christianity and Judaism have some sort of similar rule?

I think I'm going to convert to Islam. ...just kidding, but thanks for the interesting perspective.

The husband. The wife should always submit to her husband whenever her husband calls her to bed. That is one of the duties of a wife, and if she declines, she is sinning.

This is from the Islamic perspective. Doesn't Christianity and Judaism have some sort of similar rule?

Anonymous wrote:As part of a couple on 3rd year of no sex, it might seem that the person who said no is in control. But actually, if DH would just make a concerted effort, tell me why he loves me, notice what is great about me, provide no-obligation caresses and gratuitous affection, I would probably just melt; I'm pretty sure he could get whatever he wants. He's not willing to work for it so that's why it doesn't happen. So he controls.

I'm sure you believe this. You say you would probably just melt. He probably thinks he's done these things with no results.

My wife thought this stuff too. So, I made a concerted effort and . . . there was no change in her level of desire. Finally we thought to ditch her hormonal IUD and, poof, my regular level of effort (which isn't bad but which isn't maximum either) was plenty to get her interested in sex.

When she was hormonally impaired, she was absolutely in control of our sex life or lack thereof. You can't reason a person into sexual attraction. So, talking it out was never going to work. Without attraction, the choices were between pity sex and no sex. I'm not sure which is worse.

The control is a function of making sexual fidelity a condition of marriage without also making sexual attention a condition of marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Person who wants it least; otherwise it's rape.

this

+100

As part of a couple on 3rd year of no sex, it might seem that the person who said no is in control. But actually, if DH would just make a concerted effort, tell me why he loves me, notice what is great about me, provide no-obligation caresses and gratuitous affection, I would probably just melt; I'm pretty sure he could get whatever he wants. He's not willing to work for it so that's why it doesn't happen. So he controls.

No one party should CONTROL it but it usually ends up with the low desire spouse being the gate keeper to sex.

Anonymous wrote:Who should control the frequency of a married couple's sex life?

1) The husband.
2) The wife
3) The one who wants sex most
4) The one who wants sex least
5) Other?

6) Whomever has the key to the chastity belt.

Too many people here assuming a relationship is perfectly functional and then issuing platitudes based on that.

If you're down to under 5 times a year barring some huge medical issue, then something along the line has gone wrong. It may be obvious (e.g. someone had an affair three months ago and the innocent party is sorting through her/his feelings), or it may not be obvious.

Im a DW who wishes my DH would take a little more control.....

but hopefully, its not an either/or situation. it "should" be a compromise or a parity. Generally, though, in an unequally desiring relationship, the low desire person has more 'control' in the sense that its harder to force someone to have sex than to force someone not to have sex.

The kids.