Anonymous wrote:OP, you are afraid of your husband. You are afraid he'll get mad and you hint that he's been physical in his anger. You are in an abusive relationship. Keep in mind that this isn't just about you. While you are accommodating his anger issues your children are watching and learning. And the lessons they are drawing are not what you want them to learn.

You need therapy, by yourself, ASAP. No, you don't need couples therapy. You don;t have two rational people trying to work through the issues, you're the only one doing that. You need to figure out how to deal with the situation.

Its not about the yelling. Please get help.

THIS. OP, I hope you are reading this and I hope you are able to get the help you and your children need. The reason couples therapy didn't work is because couples therapy doesn't work when it is an abusive relationship - I used to work at a Domestic Violence Counseling Center and we never offered couples counseling because it is dangerous and doesn't work, and re-victimizes the person being abused (as you observed).

Please get counseling for yourself - if you cannot afford a counselor, there are resources through each county. I am familiar with Montgomery County since that's where I worked:
http://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/fjc/

If you're not in MoCo, there should be resources specific to your county/city to assist you with this.

Best of luck to you and your family!

OP, you are afraid of your husband. You are afraid he'll get mad and you hint that he's been physical in his anger. You are in an abusive relationship. Keep in mind that this isn't just about you. While you are accommodating his anger issues your children are watching and learning. And the lessons they are drawing are not what you want them to learn.

You need therapy, by yourself, ASAP. No, you don't need couples therapy. You don;t have two rational people trying to work through the issues, you're the only one doing that. You need to figure out how to deal with the situation.

Its not about the yelling. Please get help.

In our league parents were banned if they did that sort of thing. They would be warned by a ref and then told to leave the field. Once in awhile a parent on another team would try to stand by the goal of the opposing team, they were also told to move it on down to the sidelines.

Parents also had to sign off on a code of ethics when they joined the club. My children are grown so this was 10+ years ago. Once in awhile a parent just acts crazy, unfortunately. Have seen it with both moms and dads.
I did not make this up. Really embarrassing for all of us on the team, to say the least. A mom on our team was taunting and yelling at the ref once. Another time two dads on our team got into a fight. Ugh!

Anonymous wrote:I think his soccer blow ups are the least of your concerns. He yells at you and his temper is so bad you're scared of talking to him? How would you feel if your daughter was in a relationship like that? Don't set that example for her by just trying to keep the peace and having her ignore him. Go to a new counselor, leave him, stand up for yourself, whatever works.

This. Please seek individual therapy for *you* so you can figure out the best course of action to keep you and your children safe. I'm sorry you had such a lousy experience with couples therapy; it's professionally unethical for the same therapist to provide both individual therapy and couples therapy to the same person (as one half of a couple). Please don't let that dissuade you from getting the help you and your children deserve.

The team and parents take on the behavior of the coach.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a TSL in your leagues/team? They need to shut him up, that's why they are there. Also the coach needs to address it. Perhaps also the team manager.

Team Sportsmanship Leader may not be designated at U9 level. If so, then yes, he needs to be confronted directly.

No idea where your kids play, but mine play travel in McLean. It's a Team Sideline Liaison. The program includes the identification, training and registration of a TSL for each and every MYS team, Recreation and Travel, at all ages. It includes training for the designated parent, who is the liaison with the ref, coaches, etc.

http://www.mcleansoccer.org/page/show/40067-team-sideline-liaison-program

Anonymous wrote:Coach here, I would be happy to do the dirty work. Most of the time I am oblivious to parent coaching but if you pointed it out to me (even in a discreet way) I would embarrass the sh*to out of him. I'd call him out in front of everyone for sure. He sounds like a bully which would make if more fun for me.

Talk to the coach privately and ask him to help.

Sorry but your "D"H needs some cold H2O.

Sounds like you do, too, coach. You sound like an asshole. A good coach would not escalate the situation in this way. Do you interact with your players in this fashion as well?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a TSL in your leagues/team? They need to shut him up, that's why they are there. Also the coach needs to address it. Perhaps also the team manager.

Team Sportsmanship Leader may not be designated at U9 level. If so, then yes, he needs to be confronted directly.

There is a TSL on my sons U9 team. I think all travel teams have to have them. Sounds like this might be rec soccer, I dont think those type of rules are enforced as strongly.

I agree with the others, ask the coach to talk to your husband. Also, has your daughter told your husband that she doesn't like it when he yells from the sidelines. It's so distracting to the kids when parents do this.