I'd really hate to be OP's daughter. This is how kids end up blaming themselves for their parents' marital problems. When in fact, mom is just a mess.

Anyone who has taken care of a toddler knows anything is losable. You can't take them through the daily routine by sheltering everything they own. If you did, you would never leave the house. Not a healthy compromise for the child. She and the DH lost something. Sure it's disappointing but get over it.

OP - you said you didn't blast your DH but I bet he can perceive your drama as you stormed out of the house and fed into your daughter's tears.

Anonymous wrote:

polychromatic wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -

Children need to learn to deal with disappointments in life. Instead of criticizing your DH for a mistake made while taking care of your child, use the experience as a learning experience for her. Kids are resilient. She will survive her lost lovey a lot easier if you do not feed into her tantrum. She is probably picking up more on your anxiety than the actual missing object.

In a calm voice, tell your daughter her lovey is bye bye but she can have the other lovey if she wishes. If she choses to throw a tantrum, don't react and go about doing other things. She will calm down when she sees her tantrum is not getting the attention she wants. She will also learn not to fall apart when life doesn't go as she wishes.

As far as your DH is concerns, let it go. Being overly critical over any mistake is a great way to ensure he will avoid such tasks in the future.

Signed - Mother of four

Thank you...

At some point when you get blasted for not doing things the "right way", (still getting done) guess what??
you quit doing things. Because at some point it is easier to not do any thing than to get blasted.
The alternative is to stand your ground but that is easier said than done sometimes.

How was it the "right way" when the lovey is gone? Just saying.

He obviously paid attention to the daughter. She made it home, healthy and in one piece. I would say that was the right thing to do rather than pay so much attention to an object that the daughter is harmed in the process. You can buy a new lovey and the daughter can learn to deal with losses in life but you can't buy a new daughter.

I understand, but if this is the most boneheaded thing he does you are lucky.
As to how you treat him about this, remember one day YOU may do something way worse than this and hope to have him treat you with grace and mercy.
Be peeved, then get over it.
We lost a lovey too -- have a framed picture of him(stuffed animal) in our living room, because we were all devastated...parents and kid.
kid got over it.

polychromatic wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -

Children need to learn to deal with disappointments in life. Instead of criticizing your DH for a mistake made while taking care of your child, use the experience as a learning experience for her. Kids are resilient. She will survive her lost lovey a lot easier if you do not feed into her tantrum. She is probably picking up more on your anxiety than the actual missing object.

In a calm voice, tell your daughter her lovey is bye bye but she can have the other lovey if she wishes. If she choses to throw a tantrum, don't react and go about doing other things. She will calm down when she sees her tantrum is not getting the attention she wants. She will also learn not to fall apart when life doesn't go as she wishes.

As far as your DH is concerns, let it go. Being overly critical over any mistake is a great way to ensure he will avoid such tasks in the future.

Signed - Mother of four

Thank you...

At some point when you get blasted for not doing things the "right way", (still getting done) guess what??
you quit doing things. Because at some point it is easier to not do any thing than to get blasted.
The alternative is to stand your ground but that is easier said than done sometimes.

How was it the "right way" when the lovey is gone? Just saying.

Anonymous wrote:OP again.
You're all just zen all the time, huh?

I didn't criticize my husband to his face, to those of you thinking I should file for divorce today. I didn't have any interaction with him other than going out to look for the thing that he contributed to losing.

I said I wouldn't apologize to any of you. Not him. I don't owe him an apology because nothing was said of this to him. Where in my posts did I mention anything about going off on him? I was venting here. Yeah, I know, you all have never done that on these boards.

I did in fact tell my daughter that it's likely gone, that she has to learn to take care of her own things, etc. This will be a learning point for her. Again, I'm not exactly posting real time updates here.

But nice assumptions you all make. Hilarious. I'll be sure to post about how my divorce is proceeding so you can all tell me what an idiot I am for divorcing someone over something so stupid.

Ah. Passive aggressive. Now we know why.

OP again.
You're all just zen all the time, huh?

I didn't criticize my husband to his face, to those of you thinking I should file for divorce today. I didn't have any interaction with him other than going out to look for the thing that he contributed to losing.

I said I wouldn't apologize to any of you. Not him. I don't owe him an apology because nothing was said of this to him. Where in my posts did I mention anything about going off on him? I was venting here. Yeah, I know, you all have never done that on these boards.

I did in fact tell my daughter that it's likely gone, that she has to learn to take care of her own things, etc. This will be a learning point for her. Again, I'm not exactly posting real time updates here.

But nice assumptions you all make. Hilarious. I'll be sure to post about how my divorce is proceeding so you can all tell me what an idiot I am for divorcing someone over something so stupid.

The bigger question is why you have such a low opinion of men. How will this affect your dd relationship with her father and men in general? You are setting her up for some very rough years in the future. What will happen if you have a son? You are crazy if you think this is only about you.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have backups. Three of them. As I mentioned previously, she knows they're backups. They never really took, she always just wanted the original. I got her to go to sleep without it last night but her first thing this morning was to ask me if we found her special friend.

Yes, I'm pissed at my husband. I vented and I said I wouldn't apologize (and I am certainly not going to shut my fucking mouth angry cretin from above). This was my opinion.

So wait, this is how angry you got when your daughter lost a toy?

Wow. I hope nothing really ever goes wrong in your life....I don't think you could handle it. You don't have the emotional ability for real trauma.

Anonymous wrote:OP -

Children need to learn to deal with disappointments in life. Instead of criticizing your DH for a mistake made while taking care of your child, use the experience as a learning experience for her. Kids are resilient. She will survive her lost lovey a lot easier if you do not feed into her tantrum. She is probably picking up more on your anxiety than the actual missing object.

In a calm voice, tell your daughter her lovey is bye bye but she can have the other lovey if she wishes. If she choses to throw a tantrum, don't react and go about doing other things. She will calm down when she sees her tantrum is not getting the attention she wants. She will also learn not to fall apart when life doesn't go as she wishes.

As far as your DH is concerns, let it go. Being overly critical over any mistake is a great way to ensure he will avoid such tasks in the future.

Signed - Mother of four

I realize you're married, but I think I love you!

Anonymous wrote:OP -

Children need to learn to deal with disappointments in life. Instead of criticizing your DH for a mistake made while taking care of your child, use the experience as a learning experience for her. Kids are resilient. She will survive her lost lovey a lot easier if you do not feed into her tantrum. She is probably picking up more on your anxiety than the actual missing object.

In a calm voice, tell your daughter her lovey is bye bye but she can have the other lovey if she wishes. If she choses to throw a tantrum, don't react and go about doing other things. She will calm down when she sees her tantrum is not getting the attention she wants. She will also learn not to fall apart when life doesn't go as she wishes.

As far as your DH is concerns, let it go. Being overly critical over any mistake is a great way to ensure he will avoid such tasks in the future.

Signed - Mother of four

Thank you!

Anonymous wrote:OP -

Children need to learn to deal with disappointments in life. Instead of criticizing your DH for a mistake made while taking care of your child, use the experience as a learning experience for her. Kids are resilient. She will survive her lost lovey a lot easier if you do not feed into her tantrum. She is probably picking up more on your anxiety than the actual missing object.

In a calm voice, tell your daughter her lovey is bye bye but she can have the other lovey if she wishes. If she choses to throw a tantrum, don't react and go about doing other things. She will calm down when she sees her tantrum is not getting the attention she wants. She will also learn not to fall apart when life doesn't go as she wishes.

As far as your DH is concerns, let it go. Being overly critical over any mistake is a great way to ensure he will avoid such tasks in the future.

Signed - Mother of four

Thank you...

At some point when you get blasted for not doing things the "right way", (still getting done) guess what??
you quit doing things. Because at some point it is easier to not do any thing than to get blasted.
The alternative is to stand your ground but that is easier said than done sometimes.

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter had a lesson on keeping track of things.

Your husband's point of view is that she lost something. Aww well, she'll find another thing sooner or later to love.

Your point of view is that your husband's useless and an idiot.

My point of view is that you should get divorced soon and micromanage the daughter as only you can and save the husband the years of stress and grief.

Agree with all of the above.

Your daughter had a lesson on keeping track of things.

Your husband's point of view is that she lost something. Aww well, she'll find another thing sooner or later to love.

Your point of view is that your husband's useless and an idiot.

My point of view is that you should get divorced soon and micromanage the daughter as only you can and save the husband the years of stress and grief.