Well, it sounds to me like you're being pretty judgmental about their life, and taking things quite personally. We can't really know what was going on, of course, but here's what I wonder:

- maybe the husband was just trying to defend his wife
- maybe the wife feels like you and she have drifted apart, or like you're always judging her, or whatever... and her husband was trying to have her back
- maybe you've been a pain and she's not interested in continuing to be "BFF" with you.
- maybe she really is struggling - for whatever reason. Parenting is hard. Marriage is hard. Maintaining lifelong friendships through transitions and life changes in tough. Changinng/ending friendships is tough. Etc...
- Why on earth wouldn't you talk to or write to your friend before getting so angry? If she's your BFF then you should have a basis for talking through misunderstandings or times of stress.
- maybe she knows you think her husband is an ass and that's putting her in a very difficult spot
- maybe he is trying to isolate her and the best thing you can do is be a steady, non-judgmental, flexible, "I'll still be there in ten years even if I don't hear from you in the meantime" kind of friend.

I don't know, but there are WAAAY more possible answers or shades of grey here than there are black and white answers.

Mostly you sound really judgmental to me.

Anonymous wrote:You were complaining to him about her and he got defensive, which is normal. He may have no idea what is going on with her end of the friendship. You should be talking to her instead of expecting him to take sides.

+1

What was your tone when he said she was busy and you asked if she had gotten a job?

Anonymous wrote:Yes. He was trying to be supportive of his wife. You are wrong to be pissed.

+1. It would be annoying if she said that about herself, but her husband was trying to be supportive of her after you apparently talked trash about how she isn't calling enough.

Well, I'm alone in this but I'd want to know. I would call my friend and mention the conversation and put it back on myself and say, "Did I do something to indicate I don't appreciate you / realize how busy the kids are making you, etc?" Something like that. There might be an explanation for this that has nothing to do with you, her perception of you as a friend etc. But put it ALLLLL on you. You don't want to get in the middle of their marriage by saying the husband was a jerk.

I think you have a right to be pissed OP. I mean, the guy was basically insinuating that your BFF has more on her plate than you do which according to you is not the case.
But really...Who is keeping score?

I would just keep my mouth shut if you want to keep this friend as your BFF.
Yes, her hubby is a bona fide douche bag, but at least you are not the one who has to live w/the guy.

By the way, here we go on another take on who has it harder in the parenting wars......