Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"That's sad. You are selling yourself short, and not requiring all that much out of life. It takes work and a lot courage but you can sustain romantic interest over years. "

Well, H wasn't interested in doing the work required. Now that I'm almost 50 and my kids are almost grown, neither am I.

If you aren't interested that is fine. I still think it is sad that now you are 50, the affair ran its course, and you are still with a man who frankly sounds lazy and uninterested in intimacy. So...you could live what, possibly four more decades with this dude? Or, you are saying you are planning to divorce now that the kids are grown? Are you saying that 50 is end of life and you just don't care about that stuff anymore? Just not sure I see the long term gain. The short term one, yes, but not the long term one.

eight years is a long long time. Life is short, good and health life is even shorter, enjoy it while you can, whether with spouse or with a lover.

Anonymous wrote:Focusing on fixing your marriage and not on meddling in someone elses.

Yes sometimes it "works". And sometimes the spouse gets a gun and shoots the lover, their spouse, and everyone around.

Get your head out of the gutter and back into your family life.

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing - all affairs have the risk that your spouse will find out and your home life implodes. Another married affair partner would fully understand this risk because he/she is in the same boat. Another married person also would understand scheduling problems and will not expect typical "dates". They also would not expect the relationship to have a future otherwise they would be seeking a divorce instead of an affair. Therefore, married affair partners have the potential to be more successful than say a married person with a single person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"That's sad. You are selling yourself short, and not requiring all that much out of life. It takes work and a lot courage but you can sustain romantic interest over years. "

Well, H wasn't interested in doing the work required. Now that I'm almost 50 and my kids are almost grown, neither am I.

If you aren't interested that is fine. I still think it is sad that now you are 50, the affair ran its course, and you are still with a man who frankly sounds lazy and uninterested in intimacy. So...you could live what, possibly four more decades with this dude? Or, you are saying you are planning to divorce now that the kids are grown? Are you saying that 50 is end of life and you just don't care about that stuff anymore? Just not sure I see the long term gain. The short term one, yes, but not the long term one.

Anonymous wrote:"That's sad. You are selling yourself short, and not requiring all that much out of life. It takes work and a lot courage but you can sustain romantic interest over years. "

Well, H wasn't interested in doing the work required. Now that I'm almost 50 and my kids are almost grown, neither am I.

Anonymous wrote:Why not just open up the marriage? No cheating/getting caught; makes it so much easier and enjoyable. We're married with kids, and are open to relationships/sex with other married parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want the good parts of marriage without the bad ones. I don't want to share my finances, my morning breath, my living space, with another person. The kids get stability and we coparent and share a house just fine. I do not believe I can find someone who will sustain my romantic interest and yet be a good partner in practical things as well.

But at some point, at least in my mind, you have created an arrangement that is less an affair and more of an open marriage (or whatever it ends up as). I think there is a distinct difference.

Anonymous wrote:I want the good parts of marriage without the bad ones. I don't want to share my finances, my morning breath, my living space, with another person. The kids get stability and we coparent and share a house just fine. I do not believe I can find someone who will sustain my romantic interest and yet be a good partner in practical things as well.