Anonymous wrote:Yikes y'all are strict! My son had a smartphone in 3rd grade, so did all his friends. They filmed, took pics and so on. All are in middle school now and never had any issues at all.

A lot of folks posting on here are being naïve. Kids know very well how to upload anything to Internet. And it's a very, very short distance from posting or texting something embarrassing and a kid ending up the subject of serious bullying. I know of a school where a group of sixth graders got in a ton of trouble at school when parents discovered kids with smart phones were posting kids' pictures on Instagram (where anyone can see them) with "lists" of who would make good couples. I'm glad the school called in all these kids and shut it down before kids started getting hassled about "the list."

If you think kids are just having innocent, goofy fun, that's fine for you, but when it ends up online somewhere and your kid is the one who finds if embarrassing and knows that the entire class has seen it -- then you might realize that kids are being allowed to do these things with no supervision and no brakes. When did technology seduce us so thoroughly that we decided kids could police themselves on it and we would stand by and applaud?
Kudos to the parent who collects the devices at the door on play dates.

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. This might be surprising given that I was labeled an "overreacter" by some, but I'm just going to watch and wait for now.

I've had no luck dealing with bullies' parents the couple times I've done so--and, since apples don't far fall from trees, one of those parents spread lies about me after I confronted her, leading to issues I (and more importantly, my kids) still deal with today. So I'm not going there. I half-suspect this is going to blow over, IF DD stays calm about it. From my own experience with high school bullying, I know that if you don't react, they generally move on. The content of the video was embarrassing but not something that will follow DD for long--no nudity, no talking about boys she likes, etc. I do hope she learns from it.

I do agree that if DD continues to be upset about it (she didn't even mention it this morning), then I have to approach someone. But in that case, it will be the school, with plenty of official witnesses. I'm not giving the parents the opportunity to twist any words I have with them privately.

Just have your daughter snatch the other kid's phone and "accidentally" drop it in the toilet. Problem solved!

But seriously, I think your daughter needs to try and find a way to not care if the video gets sent out (easier said than done, I know). And really, it's probably not that embarrassing of a video. The more she can give off an "I couldn't care less" vibe to this girl and the other classmates, the better off she'll be, both now and in the long run.

OP here. This might be surprising given that I was labeled an "overreacter" by some, but I'm just going to watch and wait for now.

I've had no luck dealing with bullies' parents the couple times I've done so--and, since apples don't far fall from trees, one of those parents spread lies about me after I confronted her, leading to issues I (and more importantly, my kids) still deal with today. So I'm not going there. I half-suspect this is going to blow over, IF DD stays calm about it. From my own experience with high school bullying, I know that if you don't react, they generally move on. The content of the video was embarrassing but not something that will follow DD for long--no nudity, no talking about boys she likes, etc. I do hope she learns from it.

I do agree that if DD continues to be upset about it (she didn't even mention it this morning), then I have to approach someone. But in that case, it will be the school, with plenty of official witnesses. I'm not giving the parents the opportunity to twist any words I have with them privately.

Anonymous wrote:OP: You should bring this up to the counselor at the school (if that is where the threat took place.)

Normally, I believe in teaching my DCs how to navigate these types of things on their own. But a teacher told me that a lot of schools consider these "blackmail" type threats to be bullying and the school would prefer that they be informed. Filming in your home is one thing, but girl at my DD's MS was filiming girls in the locerroom in PE and threatening to post those.

GL

Just wanted to say, I agree. Also, you don't want your daughter to have to worry about this and have it distract her from other things.

OP: You should bring this up to the counselor at the school (if that is where the threat took place.)

Normally, I believe in teaching my DCs how to navigate these types of things on their own. But a teacher told me that a lot of schools consider these "blackmail" type threats to be bullying and the school would prefer that they be informed. Filming in your home is one thing, but girl at my DD's MS was filiming girls in the locerroom in PE and threatening to post those.

GL

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, let us know if anything comes of this, or if it was just benign fun.

OP here. Just as I suspected--the girl told DD yesterday that she did not delete the files, and that DD "better be nice" (whatever that means) or she'd be emailing them to kids in the class.

DD said she couldn't concentrate at all in class. She wants to talk to other kids about it, but I said to just leave well enough alone. At worst, the dumb-looking video will go around to whomever has an email account (DD does not). I told her I hoped at least she learned that what she does on camera can be used against her. Privately, I'm relieved that the content wasn't much, much worse.

I think you should address this with other kid's parents. It will destroy their friendship but you don't want your DD to be friends with this girl anyway. Its really stressful for your DD to have this kind of threat hanging over her head, even if teh video is innocuous. Call upon the other parents to delete it. While this might seem like nothing to you, its very stressful to your DD and she shouldn't have to handle it on her own.

Does your school have a policy on cyber-bullying? I know we have one, although I haven't paid too much attention to it yet, as my 3rd grader doesn't use technology for anything other than homework and math games at this point. But threatening to distribute an embarrassing video might fall under cyber-bullying. Whether or not you want to report the threat to the school is another matter. But at the very least, your daughter can tell her that if she does share the video that she (Queen Bee) could be the one getting in trouble.

I happen to like the "leave electronics at the door" policy. The kids are there to interact with each other, not with others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, let us know if anything comes of this, or if it was just benign fun.

OP here. Just as I suspected--the girl told DD yesterday that she did not delete the files, and that DD "better be nice" (whatever that means) or she'd be emailing them to kids in the class.

DD said she couldn't concentrate at all in class. She wants to talk to other kids about it, but I said to just leave well enough alone. At worst, the dumb-looking video will go around to whomever has an email account (DD does not). I told her I hoped at least she learned that what she does on camera can be used against her. Privately, I'm relieved that the content wasn't much, much worse.

Sorry to hear that OP. This isn't something I had considered but now having read this thread I will be part of the give me the smartphone at the door type of parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, let us know if anything comes of this, or if it was just benign fun.

OP here. Just as I suspected--the girl told DD yesterday that she did not delete the files, and that DD "better be nice" (whatever that means) or she'd be emailing them to kids in the class.

DD said she couldn't concentrate at all in class. She wants to talk to other kids about it, but I said to just leave well enough alone. At worst, the dumb-looking video will go around to whomever has an email account (DD does not). I told her I hoped at least she learned that what she does on camera can be used against her. Privately, I'm relieved that the content wasn't much, much worse.

Hmm. Maybe talk to this girl's parents? If my daughter was doing this, I'd want to know so I could land on her with both feet.

Anonymous wrote:OP, let us know if anything comes of this, or if it was just benign fun.

OP here. Just as I suspected--the girl told DD yesterday that she did not delete the files, and that DD "better be nice" (whatever that means) or she'd be emailing them to kids in the class.

DD said she couldn't concentrate at all in class. She wants to talk to other kids about it, but I said to just leave well enough alone. At worst, the dumb-looking video will go around to whomever has an email account (DD does not). I told her I hoped at least she learned that what she does on camera can be used against her. Privately, I'm relieved that the content wasn't much, much worse.

Anonymous wrote:We gave my son an iphone in 5t grade. it is not uncommon but at that age more dont have them than do. This is at a priavte school in NWDC. Now, in 7th, everyone has them. I use them to text him about pick up times and he will somtimes text me if he forgot something or wants to tell me something important. he has to leave it in his locker during school but can have it with him afterward in study hall.

DD in 4th is begging for an iphone. I told her she can get one in 5th like her brother.

OP, let us know if anything comes of this, or if it was just benign fun.

We gave my son an iphone in 5t grade. it is not uncommon but at that age more dont have them than do. This is at a priavte school in NWDC. Now, in 7th, everyone has them. I use them to text him about pick up times and he will somtimes text me if he forgot something or wants to tell me something important. he has to leave it in his locker during school but can have it with him afterward in study hall.

DD in 4th is begging for an iphone. I told her she can get one in 5th like her brother.

As the one who posted that this all seemed a little nutty to me, I suspect your next post might be something like, "Why doesn't my daughter have any friends? And the answer might just be because you confiscated their phones, subjected them to pat downs on the way in and out, hovered over their conversations and served quinoa cookies as a snack. But then again, maybe not.

Anonymous wrote:If this queen bee kid does use the video to embarrass your daughter somehow, I'd say that the silver lining is that this is a relatively benign way for her to learn about the consequences of videos/photos being used against her. Better this way than with nude selfies a few years down the road.

OP here. That was one of my thoughts exactly. DD still likes to dress up in costumes, etc., with friends who are similarly a little younger. She also has ADHD, which makes her less mature still. She probably wouldn't think twice about the camera running while she was getting dressed--that's just how she is.

Again, more details I didn't put in the original, already-too-long post, but another reason I never felt I was overreacting. Anyone who feels I am can save their opinion. I simply asked how I should approach the whole issue of her friends now having the capability to film her. I appreciate all the good advice here.