Anonymous wrote:Divorced or widowed women with children ate NOT single mothers. They may be wothout a husband but they haf the good sense and morality to have a husband before having a child.

Also, this poster is a COMPLETE twatwaffle.

This is, quite simply, a subcategory of the mommy wars.

The mom on duty 24/7/365 has a very different life than the mom who has 50/50 custody with the other parent. But the grass isn't always greener.

"Single parent" to me conjures up the notion of a parent single handedly raising a child, with little to no support from the other parent. I think that is the meaning of being a single parent; not being single while being a parent. If that were the case, then widows, divorcees, and unwed parents would all be in the same boat.

Anonymous wrote:Does her ex help out when it's not his day? If the kids have to stay home sick and she can't?

If they are signed up for separate camps in the summer, will he drive one even though its not his day?

If a kid is sick in the middle of the night, does she have to get both dressed to go out and buy medicine? Or will ex come over to watch them? Or better, go get the medicine?

If she had to travel for work will ex keep the kids?

If she doesn't have a coparent at that level, she's a single parent in my book.

This was my thought, too. Sure she gets lots of free time but there is a lot if time when she is completely alone unless her ex is always willing to help whether it is his time with the kids or not. I'm married to an equal partner and I think it would be hard to be divorced even though I'm sure DH would have 50-50 custody. Not hard like a parent going it alone all the time but definitely with some of the same challenges.

Anonymous wrote:Divorced or widowed women with children ate NOT single mothers. They may be wothout a husband but they haf the good sense and morality to have a husband before having a child.

Wow. I am single and adopted an older child. Guess I'm not MORAL.

When I hear single parent, I think of some one who has primary custody and is unmarried. Most often, I would imagine it's some one who conceived out of wedlock and is generally going it alone, perhaps with some child support but not the day-to-day support of a co-parent.

Some one who shares equal custody - has the kid for a few days then has a few days off - is not really what comes to mind because while that person may be single, s/he is not single handedly raising the child. I also would be surprised to hear some one describe themselves as a single parent when only seeing the kid a few days a week and otherwise just paying child support.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single parent. DD has never met the person who contributed the sperm. I pay for all of DD's needs and am the only adult taking care of her. I am te only parent on her birth certificate, and the only parent she has ever known. If I get a break, it's because she's at a sleepover at a friend's house.

Just curious - how do you pay for all of your daughter's needs, yet you are the only adult taking care of her? Do you not work and use childcare?

I work. DD never went to any sort of childcare until public school started.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's safe to say that your annoyance with your sister has very little to do with her proclaiming herself to be a single parent.

That's what I was thinking. Sounds like OP has other issues with her sister, and just wants to vent about her on the internet.

+1.

Really, OP, there are certainly single parents who have it a lot harder than your sis, but what do you care if she calls herself a "single parent". if nothing else, she is single. and a parent. so . . .

Anonymous wrote:I think it's safe to say that your annoyance with your sister has very little to do with her proclaiming herself to be a single parent.

That's what I was thinking. Sounds like OP has other issues with her sister, and just wants to vent about her on the internet.

Anonymous wrote:Divorced or widowed women with children ate NOT single mothers. They may be wothout a husband but they haf the good sense and morality to have a husband before having a child.

So what you really want to say is that single mothers, by definition, deserve to be judged, no matter how good a job they are doing. You really have a narrow world view. (I'm married btw, so not defending myself.)

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single parent. DD has never met the person who contributed the sperm. I pay for all of DD's needs and am the only adult taking care of her. I am te only parent on her birth certificate, and the only parent she has ever known. If I get a break, it's because she's at a sleepover at a friend's house.

Just curious - how do you pay for all of your daughter's needs, yet you are the only adult taking care of her? Do you not work and use childcare?

Anonymous wrote:I think what's annoying about this is that being a real single mom implies that you are responsible for the kids ALL THE TIME including financially. Some divorced moms are single moms in that they are the only parent who is actually parenting, while the other parent only sees the kid a few weekends a year. That is hard, because you never get a break. But then there are other parents who are divorced parents who are coparenting. When you get 3-4 days a way from your kids a week, you have it easier and extended vacations then you have it easy. You might miss your kids, and divorce is hard in the children and everyone involved, but the actual work load is so much less than typical single parents.

Being a single mother means that you're single and you're a mother. Just as being a single father means that you're single and you're a father.

But if you want to spend time thinking about who is "real" single parent and who is a "fake" single parent -- well, it's a free country.

I think what's annoying about this is that being a real single mom implies that you are responsible for the kids ALL THE TIME including financially. Some divorced moms are single moms in that they are the only parent who is actually parenting, while the other parent only sees the kid a few weekends a year. That is hard, because you never get a break. But then there are other parents who are divorced parents who are coparenting. When you get 3-4 days a way from your kids a week, you have it easier and extended vacations then you have it easy. You might miss your kids, and divorce is hard in the children and everyone involved, but the actual work load is so much less than typical single parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. I have a SIL who is the same kind of "single parent." and posts on facebook about how "other single mothers would understand" [insert whine of the day]. She has so much more time to herself than we do. She also lets her kids run feral and complains it is because she is a single parent. Um, no, it is because you don't watch them and spend hours a day on your toilette.

She works, then takes the kids to the gym where they sit in the daycare while she exercises on the days she does have them. Cry me a river, lady.

Same question as the OP: why do you care what she calls herself?

I don't care. She is a single mom to me. It's the OMG MY LIFE IS SO MUCH HARDER THAN YOURS BECAUSE I AM A SINGLE MOM YOU WOULDN"T UNDERSTAND that makes her so annoying -- when she gets 2-3 days and every other weekend off to carouse with her girlfriends, and barely watches the kids when she does have them. the I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR MYSELF I AM A SINGLE MOM sob story gets old when we all know it isn't true. I have run out of sympathy.

Divorced or widowed women with children ate NOT single mothers. They may be wothout a husband but they haf the good sense and morality to have a husband before having a child.