I had this problem two years ago when my DH was training for a marathon. He's no professional athlete so doesn't really know what he was doing…so he was over-training, so when he wasn't running, he was passed out on the bed during the weekend days.

I was so pissed off; I was picking up all kinds of slack, sacrificing my own health, and never had a break with the kids. And feeling rather alone in it all.

This is what I want to mention: I was sort of in a "mental marathon," as well. I couldn't wait for the damn thing to be over. I was counting down the days…I was so happy when it was over; I thought that we were done and we as a family could now get back to normal!

The next day, he fell apart. Literally, his body just rebelled on him and he got quite sick and also couldn't walk. This is a guy who never missed work but he had to miss most of the week, and psychologically I had *nothing* left to give him--being his nurse and and driving him to the doctor, etc--it was really, really annoying; I just wanted him OUT from under my feet.

So just want to mention; save a little up psychologically for the after-race.

Finally, you should negotiate right NOW, before the event, that this should be his first and last Ironman. Some families can do these things very well; but the particular way he trains and offloads onto you does not work for YOU so unless there is a dramatic change in the future in the way the pre-training impacts the family, this should be it--he got his bucket-list checked and enough is enough.

BTW that was my DH's first and last marathon and we are all the happier for it. I am glad I supported him and I know that one day when he's 80 years old, he won't be thinking, "I never ran a marathon bc my wife wouldn't support me."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should try to find out why he is so empty inside that he has to do this? At least that's what I heard some sherpas wonder about the many wealthy but bored foreigners who come to their homeland to try to scale Everest only to perish while using bad judgment attempting to summit.

Does anyone else find this as hilarious as I do?!

I think it's one of the wiser things I've ever read on DCUM.

The summit is littered with the frozen bodies of people with more money than sense.

who the hell gets "scolded" by their spouse? I think you have bigger problems than Ironman. Sorry, OP.

1+.

Yeah the issue here is not that he's training for an ironman, its that either he's telling you you can't do stuff that is entirely within your right to do or you're voluntarily not doing them to be a martyr.

If your point about carbs was "I want to eat carbs for dinner but DH won't eat them and I don't have time or energy to prepare two separate meals" I would kind of be on your side. But he has no business telling you not to have carbs in the home, and the wine thing doesn't even vaguely affect him. Just pour one glass.

The husband's diet reminds me of the Spongebob episode where he's training Gary for the snail race and goes, "Raw eggs, 'cause they're cliche."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here. So the wine and pasta thing - he's on a strict no-carb deal where he burns fat..something about ketosis...

I got scolded for bringing home bagels. We do have a toddler, and it does throw off the balance of home time. He mostly works out before or after work, and then a long workout on weekends, but it definitely impacts time. Other than that, we do both spend time with our kid quite a bit - we just think it's okay to have other interests as well.

I do need to be supportive. He's so into this, and he knows he's making sacrifices, and it is pretty cool overall.

I'm just whining. I'll eat carbs at lunch when I need to.

Lady get a backbone! Your last sentence is pathetic. Are you his property or something? Have some self respect.

The ketosis thing is useful for FAT people. Your husband needs to get his head checked.

+1000. on both your lask of backbone and your husband's lack of basic understanding of a healthy diet for an athlete

My husband has been doing Ironman/tris since 2007. I like being his "athletic supporter".

Lol!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It's cool and all to say you ran 50 miles in a day, but if you have to isolate yourself from your family to accomplish this, what a loss.

The world is often better because of people who put their families 2nd/3rd. This is not one of those cases.

Whew! I thought I was the only one thinking to myself that the solution is NOT as several PPs have suggested:
"Hey, so after the DH blows off the child for hours in order to swim and cycle, then you demand YOUR hours away tit for tat and hand the kid off for hours of Me Time in the gym/mall/NYC. Your kid will never pick up on this and what's really important here is that the man and the woman get exactly equal hours of non-work time away from their child."

Anonymous wrote: It's cool and all to say you ran 50 miles in a day, but if you have to isolate yourself from your family to accomplish this, what a loss.

The world is often better because of people who put their families 2nd/3rd. This is not one of those cases.

I can't believe someone training for an Ironman is limiting carbs. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. What the hell?

OP, I can totally sympathize - this would drive me crazy. I see this in a lot of my friends - it's the zealotry of the newly converted. They start marathoning or doing triathlons and they go completely mental and preachy. Meanwhile, I - who have been racing for 35 years (including marathons) - am very relaxed about exercise and diet because I've always done it and it's just a normal part of my life, not some conversion.

OP, take a stand. Be supportive, but carve out your own time for your own workouts. Don't let him make you feel bad for "only" running 5-6 miles - that's still pretty impressive. Get a running stroller and take the kid out with you, if need be, for a REALLY excellent workout. (seriously, your back and arms will look amazing.) during the winter, find a gym that has treadmills and a daycare, and pound out the miles there. Eat carbs. Drink wine. You are an adult and you are allowed to make your own dietary choices.

That's an excuse. Sorry.

It's cool and all to say you ran 50 miles in a day, but if you have to isolate yourself from your family to accomplish this, what a loss.

He's a control freak and egotistical.

He's also reckless. Kerosis is dangerous and no athlete should be aiming for burning protein (NOT FAT)!

You need to enlist the help of a fitness and nutrition expert as well as a therapist. He needs a reality check.

Yesh, IM is not family-friendly. Neither are triathletes frankly, at least not the competitive ones. There is too much training to be present for family. Sounds like DH is competitive - at least in his amount of training and diet restrictions.

How long is this training for? Hopefully not longer than 6 months. Then what? Does he have further plans?

If it's limited, okay, support through the six months. If this is a long-term lifestyle change, you need to have some talks about how to support each other and live with each other. What are you getting out of this?

Anonymous wrote:Stop being a martyr. Eat what you want. For every hour he spends exercising that you are with the kid alone, you should get the same number of hours. Pass the kid off to him and go to the gym.

I agree, you can't let him "make" you feel bad about eating carbs, drinking wine, or "only"running 5 miles. Is he truly saying those things against you or are you feeling guilty that 5 miles is nothing compared to what he can do. If he's truly comparing than you need to sit down and have one of those "come to Jesus" talks--tell him you will support his training and give him time for it, but he has to stop saying x, y, and z.