My dd is 6 now and has definitely had some major meltdowns. Usually involving not getting her way. In her case though, she hardly ever calms down on her own. I had tried leaving her to calm down. She cried 45 minutes straight one time because she wanted to watch a show before bed. I don't know how long it could have gone on, but I finally told my dh to play her a damn show. We ended up showing her a different one. Self-diagnosing my dd - she has negative persistence. What I learned from that was to not let her try to calm herself because that seems impossible for her. Instead, I re-direct her attention. Most often, I have to put on a movie or show. Sometimes I let her play a game on my iphone or distract her with talk about an upcoming birthday or Christmas. This may seem like giving in and creating a brat, but I know my dd is not capable of calming herself, so I have to redirect. At 6 though she has a lot fewer tantrums than she did at 3 or 4.

I remember one time she was 3, and she wanted a purple popsicle. Well damn it, we had orange and red but no purple, she cried and cried and cried about it. There was just no solution. I can't even remember how I ever got her to stop crying. The next day, one of my neighbors asked me what was wrong with my dd that he felt so sorry that she was crying. I told him that I didn't have the right color of popsicle, and he looked at me like I was crazy.

The other thing she does is get stress induced hives. This is a child that is also allergic to peanuts and tree nuts. So you can imagine how much fun it is to tell dd she can't have the barbie car at the grocery store only for her to cry her head off for the next 15-20 minutes while I finish up grocery shopping only to look over and notice her face covered in hives. Dear God, I didn't know if she accidentally ingested or touched peanuts and was going to go into anaphylaxis or what. It took several of these episodes and 2 trips to the ER to figure out that she gets hives when she is upset. Not that that has anything to do with your situation, but I do feel for you.

DS was similar. Not so severe, but had the tantrums and meltdowns. He just needed to be left alone and release it. It has never stopped us from anything like you mentioned having friends over or going out. He is not SN, just has a more intense personality. My SN DD has 100% no tantrums. Ever. She is 3 now and has never melted down or thrown a real tantrum. I think kids are all different. Your son could probably use some techniques to help himself calm down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, ask in the special needs forum. I have a child with Aspergers and am rolling my eyes at some of these responses. Moms who haven't been there just don't know what it's like.

It could be nothing, or it could be something. Some kids are just strong willed but for others there is a need for a diagnosis to uncover the best strategies and therapies. I will say that 3 is very, very young-- they probably won't give him a spectrum dx this young, even if he may eventually fall on it.

Well put. My Aspie never went through any rage stage or ever had meltdowns like those described above. Nevertheless DC is most definitely an Aspie as are relatives. Having a child on the spectrum is hard hard hard work for everyone involved. Do not judge until you've walked a mile in the parents' shoes.

And, FYI to OP, we didn't get our diagnosis until age 14 - very late. Multiple rounds of testing from age 3 on said ADHD but couldn't tease out the Aspergers until 14. But he sure does have it. And it takes its toll on everyone, especially the parents, so show a little kindness and consideration when posting.

Apologies to OP. I just re-read what I had posted. I made it sound like I was criticizing her for not showing kindness or considering. That comment was directed to 19:18 or whomever sarcastically said "oh another kid on the spectrum". Having a kid on the spectrum is not a walk in the park. It also takes its toll on the marriage. Spouse and I just had a minor fight over our HFA kid who is in college. Anything on the spectrum is very real and takes a LOT of patience. It's a real stressor to the best of marriages.

Amen

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, ask in the special needs forum. I have a child with Aspergers and am rolling my eyes at some of these responses. Moms who haven't been there just don't know what it's like.

It could be nothing, or it could be something. Some kids are just strong willed but for others there is a need for a diagnosis to uncover the best strategies and therapies. I will say that 3 is very, very young-- they probably won't give him a spectrum dx this young, even if he may eventually fall on it.

Well put. My Aspie never went through any rage stage or ever had meltdowns like those described above. Nevertheless DC is most definitely an Aspie as are relatives. Having a child on the spectrum is hard hard hard work for everyone involved. Do not judge until you've walked a mile in the parents' shoes.

And, FYI to OP, we didn't get our diagnosis until age 14 - very late. Multiple rounds of testing from age 3 on said ADHD but couldn't tease out the Aspergers until 14. But he sure does have it. And it takes its toll on everyone, especially the parents, so show a little kindness and consideration when posting.

Apologies to OP. I just re-read what I had posted. I made it sound like I was criticizing her for not showing kindness or considering. That comment was directed to 19:18 or whomever sarcastically said "oh another kid on the spectrum". Having a kid on the spectrum is not a walk in the park. It also takes its toll on the marriage. Spouse and I just had a minor fight over our HFA kid who is in college. Anything on the spectrum is very real and takes a LOT of patience. It's a real stressor to the best of marriages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dc was like this at age 3-5. Anything could set them off once a day. My dc could scream at the top of their lungs for an hour. When we were home it was ok because I put them in their room. But when we were out or on vacation it was a nightmare. But we got through that stage. My dc is smart, lovable, creative, and social. Just part of parenting. My dc is 10 now and fine.

Thank you. Although I don't think I can take another 2 years of this. But yes, DH and I don't go out much with the kids, don't have friends over, and have never taken DS to a hotel. We're too scared of what might set him off and cause a tantrum. If we have a place to go like the car, we can manage. But if we have to fly somewhere and stay in a hotel, that's not happening. I wouldn't want to be in the room next to ours if he was having a tantrum.

OP - try this - it worked for our HFA kid when a baby. When DC would start crying, we would immediate switch environments. So if the tantrum was going on in the house, we would scoop DC up and take him outdoors. If the tantrum was outdoors, we would switch quickly indoors. Our pediatrician told us about this. Worked like a charm. Perhaps something about changing atmospheres quickly sets of a startle effect which breaks the crying cycle.

Anonymous wrote:This is the part of the analysis that concerns me most

Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) have trouble detecting how they feel and do not know how to calm themselves. The ability to verbalize what they are to do and doing it are two different skills. A child can repeat a phrase, paragraph or request but cannot do it.

This just about describes what's going on to a T. He can't calm himself and he cannot do what he's supposed to even though he can tell me (when not in the tantrum) what he's supposed to do.

For OP - if you haven't seen it, rent Temple Grandin's movie. In it you will see her using a self-created "squeeze box" to help her during her college years when she did not know how to control her emotions or calm herself as PP immediately above says. I think our DC uses the shower to do it . . . we don't have a squeezebox lying around. But for whatever reason I cannot get DC, now an adult, out of the shower.

That aside, rent the movie off of Netflix or whatever you have. We learned a lot from it.

Anonymous wrote:OP, ask in the special needs forum. I have a child with Aspergers and am rolling my eyes at some of these responses. Moms who haven't been there just don't know what it's like.

It could be nothing, or it could be something. Some kids are just strong willed but for others there is a need for a diagnosis to uncover the best strategies and therapies. I will say that 3 is very, very young-- they probably won't give him a spectrum dx this young, even if he may eventually fall on it.

Well put. My Aspie never went through any rage stage or ever had meltdowns like those described above. Nevertheless DC is most definitely an Aspie as are relatives. Having a child on the spectrum is hard hard hard work for everyone involved. Do not judge until you've walked a mile in the parents' shoes.

And, FYI to OP, we didn't get our diagnosis until age 14 - very late. Multiple rounds of testing from age 3 on said ADHD but couldn't tease out the Aspergers until 14. But he sure does have it. And it takes its toll on everyone, especially the parents, so show a little kindness and consideration when posting.

Does sleep deficiency or diet (e.g. sugar) seem to correlate with meltdown frequency?