Wow, I'm surprised that so many of you would express disappointment, anger, not in my house, etc . . . What is the goal? To lead them to sneak around? To teach them sex is bad? To completely remove yourself from any conversation about what they are actually doing?

My goal is to raise my DD to see sex as a really good thing in the right context, meaning a loving, positive relationship. My secondary goal is to make sure she will talk to me if and when she feels the need to discuss anything related to sex. I'm 12:52 and my DD is 17 and I have no problem with her having sex with her boyfriend in her bedroom with the door closed. She has gotten the message that the relationship is important. I do not fear that she will go off to college and hook up like crazy.

As for the poster who insists her DC won't have sex until marriage . . . you are dreaming, but okey dokey. My parents thought the same thing about me. HA HA HA HA.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, H*ll no.

I'm not going to insist that my kids wait until they get married (it would be nice if they did that, but not my call) but NO WAY would I let my high school aged teen openly have sex in their room, in my house.

What about once they hit college? Could they bring their boyfriend home to stay in your house?

Well, sure. But most likely not in the same room.

I had a serious boyfriend when I was in college but we NEVER expected to have sex in our parents' houses. Ever. Having their "approval" to do so would have felt really awkward and wrong and really UNsexy.

Same here, which makes me more open to the idea.

I was chatting with DH about this topic and how if we let our kid's boy/girlfriend over then we should indicate to our teen that we would also have sex. DH thought that would be just cruel to our son. Fair, but it enforces the idea that sex is an adult activity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, H*ll no.

I'm not going to insist that my kids wait until they get married (it would be nice if they did that, but not my call) but NO WAY would I let my high school aged teen openly have sex in their room, in my house.

Your kid and friend wouldn't be "openly" having sex in your kid's room, in your house -- unless they left the door open. Your kid and friend would be doing whatever it was they were doing, in your kid's room, which might include sex or might not. You wouldn't know what they were doing in there unless they told you. (Or, I suppose, if you eavesdropped, which I would consider "ew".)

If you don't ever want to inadvertently over hear your kid having sex in their room and you find the prospect of doing so "ew" than I would suggest that you also not allow your kids to be alone in their rooms with their boyfriends/girlfriends. No reason to put yourself through such trauma .

My post-high school boyfriend and I would have sleepovers at his parent's house, but we slept in the living room, like two kids having a sleepover would. We got to cuddle, but we wouldn't have sex, knowing that a parent or his sister might come downstairs. My In-laws made my DH and I sleep in separate rooms when we visit forever. My mom let us sleep in the same room when we were dating, but it was right next to hers. No sex then either. I think you just have to be a bit creative - and still respectful of the kids in question.

Anonymous wrote:It is my job to help make sure my teens don't screw up their futures. So: I make sure they have full information about preventing pregnancy and STDs, I make sure they know how to get birth control if they need it, we talk about responsible behavior and being open and honest in relationships. I express my opinion about when sex is appropriate in a relationship and when it is not.

It is not my job to help my teens find a place to have sex. So: no sleepovers at my house.

Is it your job to help them get birth control? Or just to help them know how to get birth control?

It is my job to help make sure my teens don't screw up their futures. So: I make sure they have full information about preventing pregnancy and STDs, I make sure they know how to get birth control if they need it, we talk about responsible behavior and being open and honest in relationships. I express my opinion about when sex is appropriate in a relationship and when it is not.

It is not my job to help my teens find a place to have sex. So: no sleepovers at my house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, H*ll no.

I'm not going to insist that my kids wait until they get married (it would be nice if they did that, but not my call) but NO WAY would I let my high school aged teen openly have sex in their room, in my house.

What about once they hit college? Could they bring their boyfriend home to stay in your house?

Not the PP, but N.O. I found it extremely odd and uncomfortable when my now-MIL assumed I'd be staying in the same room as my now-DH when he first brought me home to meet them. I literally had to tell him to tell HER ahead of time that I would not be staying in his same room. feel like the parents are trying too hard to be "cool" when they do stuff like this. Man up and be parents.

What about as an older adult? My DH and I had to sleep in separate rooms an my IL's house when we were engaged in our late 20's and living together here in DC. I thought that was pretty ridiculous. It was well, we have to model for the grandkids which was silly since they weren't there at bedtime to know. And it's not like we would have been giving the preschoolers a rundown of our sleeping arrangements.

Ha, my in-laws did that, too and there weren't even any grandkids to model for. My dh (then boyfriend) and I owned a house together and had lived together for years and years. But when we visited his parents we slept in separate rooms. When we got married it almost seemed kind of weird and silly for us to suddenly be able to share a room together at their house, lol.

But their house, their rules and we respected them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, H*ll no.

I'm not going to insist that my kids wait until they get married (it would be nice if they did that, but not my call) but NO WAY would I let my high school aged teen openly have sex in their room, in my house.

What about once they hit college? Could they bring their boyfriend home to stay in your house?

Well, sure. But most likely not in the same room.

I had a serious boyfriend when I was in college but we NEVER expected to have sex in our parents' houses. Ever. Having their "approval" to do so would have felt really awkward and wrong and really UNsexy.

In my experience, the kids with the most extreme parents who insisted on no sex until marriage were always the ones who had the most sex with the most people.

As for them doing it in my house, I feel conflicted. If teens are going to have sex, they'll have it regardless of whether you support it or not. And if they're not doing it in your house, they'll be doing it in car, in the park or anywhere else they can find.

Mother of older teen and what she does with her boyfriend in her room with the door closed is her business. She is in a positive relationship with a young man whom we like very much and frankly I think in this context she should be having sex. At the very least it is healthy and appropriate. If she were behaving recklessly or if she was much younger I would feel differently. But sex is a good thing, no?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PP, but N.O. I found it extremely odd and uncomfortable when my now-MIL assumed I'd be staying in the same room as my now-DH when he first brought me home to meet them. I literally had to tell him to tell HER ahead of time that I would not be staying in his same room. feel like the parents are trying too hard to be "cool" when they do stuff like this. Man up and be parents.

"Being parents" does not, in my opinion, mean pretending that your adult child is not having premarital sex, even though you know perfectly well that your adult child is.

+1 And to me, that includes college-aged children who are legally adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PP, but N.O. I found it extremely odd and uncomfortable when my now-MIL assumed I'd be staying in the same room as my now-DH when he first brought me home to meet them. I literally had to tell him to tell HER ahead of time that I would not be staying in his same room. feel like the parents are trying too hard to be "cool" when they do stuff like this. Man up and be parents.

"Being parents" does not, in my opinion, mean pretending that your adult child is not having premarital sex, even though you know perfectly well that your adult child is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, H*ll no.

I'm not going to insist that my kids wait until they get married (it would be nice if they did that, but not my call) but NO WAY would I let my high school aged teen openly have sex in their room, in my house.

What about once they hit college? Could they bring their boyfriend home to stay in your house?

Not the PP, but N.O. I found it extremely odd and uncomfortable when my now-MIL assumed I'd be staying in the same room as my now-DH when he first brought me home to meet them. I literally had to tell him to tell HER ahead of time that I would not be staying in his same room. feel like the parents are trying too hard to be "cool" when they do stuff like this. Man up and be parents.

What about as an older adult? My DH and I had to sleep in separate rooms an my IL's house when we were engaged in our late 20's and living together here in DC. I thought that was pretty ridiculous. It was well, we have to model for the grandkids which was silly since they weren't there at bedtime to know. And it's not like we would have been giving the preschoolers a rundown of our sleeping arrangements.

PP above. I was in my late 20s when this happened: I was 28 and DH was 30.

Wow. Okay. Seems a bit extreme to me, but to each their own.

Anonymous wrote:Oh, H*ll no.

I'm not going to insist that my kids wait until they get married (it would be nice if they did that, but not my call) but NO WAY would I let my high school aged teen openly have sex in their room, in my house.

Your kid and friend wouldn't be "openly" having sex in your kid's room, in your house -- unless they left the door open. Your kid and friend would be doing whatever it was they were doing, in your kid's room, which might include sex or might not. You wouldn't know what they were doing in there unless they told you. (Or, I suppose, if you eavesdropped, which I would consider "ew".)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, H*ll no.

I'm not going to insist that my kids wait until they get married (it would be nice if they did that, but not my call) but NO WAY would I let my high school aged teen openly have sex in their room, in my house.

What about once they hit college? Could they bring their boyfriend home to stay in your house?

Not the PP, but N.O. I found it extremely odd and uncomfortable when my now-MIL assumed I'd be staying in the same room as my now-DH when he first brought me home to meet them. I literally had to tell him to tell HER ahead of time that I would not be staying in his same room. feel like the parents are trying too hard to be "cool" when they do stuff like this. Man up and be parents.

What about as an older adult? My DH and I had to sleep in separate rooms an my IL's house when we were engaged in our late 20's and living together here in DC. I thought that was pretty ridiculous. It was well, we have to model for the grandkids which was silly since they weren't there at bedtime to know. And it's not like we would have been giving the preschoolers a rundown of our sleeping arrangements.

PP above. I was in my late 20s when this happened: I was 28 and DH was 30.