Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 11:58     Subject: How would you feel about this friend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I understand that OP is mostly offended by the fact that friend
1)never asked how the child was doing
2) does not respond to messages

No one expected this friend to alter plans and come visit OP.


Agree. And yes, it's lousy of this friend to ignore communications post trip. A friend has a sick child, and that's the time you decide to distance yourself? What's up with that. Either the friend is not a very nice person or the cancellation of the meet up is the straw the broke the camel's back after a long series of perceived slights. If the latter, friend should have the decency to just say so. They live in different countries, so it's not like she's have to have an awkward face-to-face conversation. I short email with request that friendship be allowed to die would be a respectful way to handle it, given the circumstances.

It's all the more puzzling given that OP is the one inconvenienced by the change in plans. She was going to fly 5 hours to meet up with friend based on friend's itinerary. From my reading of the post, the change in plans was not going to dramatically change friend's travel arrangements. Is that correct?[


If the most convenient meeting place was a 5 hour flight away, then hell yeah that's a dramatic change. It would be an extra trip that was not originally in the itinerary. The whole story is just weird though. I'm wondering why the visiting friend didn't just make her friend a part of the itinerary...since they make such a huge effort to meet up with each other anyway.


You missed important info. The closest meeting place is 2 hours away. The friend wanted to meet at the 5 hour away place so they could also enjoy family VACATION.


I just went back and carefully re-read the OP. it doesnt say anything about 2 hours. Are you the OP but not acknowledging that?
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2013 15:40     Subject: How would you feel about this friend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a couple of friends from abroad who do these massive 20-day stays in the US and reconnect with college friends and show their kids around and they are BUSY - they don't have time to chit-chat and catch up with every single person not on the itinerary and days in each city seem to be jam packed. So, I think that when you backed out of the plan, she just went along with her vacation and got busy. It doesn't sound like your child is critically ill or dying, so maybe she was just giving you space to tend to your child. I would just email her and say - hey, I'm so sorry we could t meet up / hope your trip went well. We were all so disappointed not to be able to meet with you all in city X, but little Damien's surgery went well and he's totally back to himself now. It was so stressful! Anyways, give me a ring when you're free!


OP has already reached out and her messages were ignored. I think that's part of the issue.


That's right
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2013 09:25     Subject: How would you feel about this friend?
[q
I left the gender out because I didn't want stereotyping. Another thing that I was thinking could have changed in our relationship is that my friend converted to her SO's religion and seem to be avoiding friends after that.



Are you a man? Is her new religion very conservative? Maybe her husband told her to quit contacting you.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2013 00:11     Subject: How would you feel about this friend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I understand that OP is mostly offended by the fact that friend
1)never asked how the child was doing
2) does not respond to messages

No one expected this friend to alter plans and come visit OP.


Agree. And yes, it's lousy of this friend to ignore communications post trip. A friend has a sick child, and that's the time you decide to distance yourself? What's up with that. Either the friend is not a very nice person or the cancellation of the meet up is the straw the broke the camel's back after a long series of perceived slights. If the latter, friend should have the decency to just say so. They live in different countries, so it's not like she's have to have an awkward face-to-face conversation. I short email with request that friendship be allowed to die would be a respectful way to handle it, given the circumstances.

It's all the more puzzling given that OP is the one inconvenienced by the change in plans. She was going to fly 5 hours to meet up with friend based on friend's itinerary. From my reading of the post, the change in plans was not going to dramatically change friend's travel arrangements. Is that correct?[


If the most convenient meeting place was a 5 hour flight away, then hell yeah that's a dramatic change. It would be an extra trip that was not originally in the itinerary. The whole story is just weird though. I'm wondering why the visiting friend didn't just make her friend a part of the itinerary...since they make such a huge effort to meet up with each other anyway.


You missed important info. The closest meeting place is 2 hours away. The friend wanted to meet at the 5 hour away place so they could also enjoy family VACATION.


I did miss that.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2013 23:48     Subject: How would you feel about this friend?
Anonymous wrote:I have a couple of friends from abroad who do these massive 20-day stays in the US and reconnect with college friends and show their kids around and they are BUSY - they don't have time to chit-chat and catch up with every single person not on the itinerary and days in each city seem to be jam packed. So, I think that when you backed out of the plan, she just went along with her vacation and got busy. It doesn't sound like your child is critically ill or dying, so maybe she was just giving you space to tend to your child. I would just email her and say - hey, I'm so sorry we could t meet up / hope your trip went well. We were all so disappointed not to be able to meet with you all in city X, but little Damien's surgery went well and he's totally back to himself now. It was so stressful! Anyways, give me a ring when you're free!


OP has already reached out and her messages were ignored. I think that's part of the issue.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2013 23:44     Subject: How would you feel about this friend?
I have a couple of friends from abroad who do these massive 20-day stays in the US and reconnect with college friends and show their kids around and they are BUSY - they don't have time to chit-chat and catch up with every single person not on the itinerary and days in each city seem to be jam packed. So, I think that when you backed out of the plan, she just went along with her vacation and got busy. It doesn't sound like your child is critically ill or dying, so maybe she was just giving you space to tend to your child. I would just email her and say - hey, I'm so sorry we could t meet up / hope your trip went well. We were all so disappointed not to be able to meet with you all in city X, but little Damien's surgery went well and he's totally back to himself now. It was so stressful! Anyways, give me a ring when you're free!
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2013 23:16     Subject: How would you feel about this friend?
I'm the OP.

Obviously I'm the friend living in the US. I talked about our background because I thought people would say they could be short on money that's why they didn't want to drive the 2 hours to meet us. Anyway, like a PP stated I never expected or hoped they would change plans but the fact that they didn't respond to my messages really bothers me.

I left the gender out because I didn't want stereotyping. Another thing that I was thinking could have changed in our relationship is that my friend converted to her SO's religion and seem to be avoiding friends after that.

Well, not sure why my friend disappeared but Ill wait to see if I'll get a response to the messages I sent.

Thanks to all for sharing your thoughts.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2013 23:00     Subject: How would you feel about this friend?
Your friend should acknowledge your child's illness and reach out to you!

That said, I wouldn't expect them to change their whole itinerary last-minute to see you. Sounds like a complicated trip planned well in advance.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2013 22:51     Subject: How would you feel about this friend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If I learned my friend would not make to a much expected meeting because her baby was severely ill I'd do my best to meet them and show support.


Really? Right when they are in the middle of a serious medical procedure - you would land your whole family at their house, and change all your vacation plans? Someone you haven't seen in 3 years but you would be comfortable arriving on their doorstep to be tourists in their town and to have them host you while their child is ill and undergoing procedures?


Wow that's a stretch!!!!

There are hotels for this sort of stay, you know? I'd give them a phone call and at least as how they were doing. Not fall off the face of earth.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2013 22:46     Subject: How would you feel about this friend?
Anonymous wrote:If I learned my friend would not make to a much expected meeting because her baby was severely ill I'd do my best to meet them and show support.


Really? Right when they are in the middle of a serious medical procedure - you would land your whole family at their house, and change all your vacation plans? Someone you haven't seen in 3 years but you would be comfortable arriving on their doorstep to be tourists in their town and to have them host you while their child is ill and undergoing procedures?
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2013 22:43     Subject: How would you feel about this friend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I understand that OP is mostly offended by the fact that friend
1)never asked how the child was doing
2) does not respond to messages

No one expected this friend to alter plans and come visit OP.


Agree. And yes, it's lousy of this friend to ignore communications post trip. A friend has a sick child, and that's the time you decide to distance yourself? What's up with that. Either the friend is not a very nice person or the cancellation of the meet up is the straw the broke the camel's back after a long series of perceived slights. If the latter, friend should have the decency to just say so. They live in different countries, so it's not like she's have to have an awkward face-to-face conversation. I short email with request that friendship be allowed to die would be a respectful way to handle it, given the circumstances.

It's all the more puzzling given that OP is the one inconvenienced by the change in plans. She was going to fly 5 hours to meet up with friend based on friend's itinerary. From my reading of the post, the change in plans was not going to dramatically change friend's travel arrangements. Is that correct?[


If the most convenient meeting place was a 5 hour flight away, then hell yeah that's a dramatic change. It would be an extra trip that was not originally in the itinerary. The whole story is just weird though. I'm wondering why the visiting friend didn't just make her friend a part of the itinerary...since they make such a huge effort to meet up with each other anyway.


You missed important info. The closest meeting place is 2 hours away. The friend wanted to meet at the 5 hour away place so they could also enjoy family VACATION.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2013 20:29     Subject: How would you feel about this friend?
OP never said her child was critically ill.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2013 20:13     Subject: How would you feel about this friend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I understand that OP is mostly offended by the fact that friend
1)never asked how the child was doing
2) does not respond to messages

No one expected this friend to alter plans and come visit OP.


Agree. And yes, it's lousy of this friend to ignore communications post trip. A friend has a sick child, and that's the time you decide to distance yourself? What's up with that. Either the friend is not a very nice person or the cancellation of the meet up is the straw the broke the camel's back after a long series of perceived slights. If the latter, friend should have the decency to just say so. They live in different countries, so it's not like she's have to have an awkward face-to-face conversation. I short email with request that friendship be allowed to die would be a respectful way to handle it, given the circumstances.

It's all the more puzzling given that OP is the one inconvenienced by the change in plans. She was going to fly 5 hours to meet up with friend based on friend's itinerary. From my reading of the post, the change in plans was not going to dramatically change friend's travel arrangements. Is that correct?[/quote]

If the most convenient meeting place was a 5 hour flight away, then hell yeah that's a dramatic change. It would be an extra trip that was not originally in the itinerary. The whole story is just weird though. I'm wondering why the visiting friend didn't just make her friend a part of the itinerary...since they make such a huge effort to meet up with each other anyway.