Still skeptical this is a real thread and not an indie movie script. But here are some tips from BTDT.

End your Parenting Arms Race. It's a draw.

You = worked your "butt off" doing research on-line and waited in one real world line to enter a lottery. (Not one of the lines for low-income daycare vouchers or emergency housing.)

DW = gave birth to a human being and is concerned said person might be in the second or third worst performing urban public school district in the nation.

You're both right and wrong.

You = wrong because by any current measures, DC as a whole scores at the bottom rung of state and NAEP urban index level reading and math. We might have passed Detroit in proficiency a couple of years ago, but that's nothing to brag about.

DW = wrong because statewide standards and results aren't directly comparable and language immersion has more research than you can shake a smartphone at showing it's good for most people.

Reality check time. Your kid is 4 years old with clearly loving and attentive parents. No matter what school or daycare you did or did not get into, odds are your child will turn out just fine. Worldwide, education level attainment of a primary parent is the biggest indicator of a child's academic success.

Put the whole education question on ice, let your child be a child, and don't discuss education until you have at least a few months of therapy before the next round of lotteries.

Or move to Finland.

Anonymous wrote:You guys need to team up and figure out what you each want and what you're each willing to compromise. And if one of you is going to take the initiative and make decisions that need to be made, then the other spouse needs to stop griping. That said, OP, you seem very focused on how much you "busted your ass" which honestly, could easily start to feel annoying to those in your household if I find it annoying to read multiple times in a short thread. You feel unappreciated and have lost some respect for your spouse because she is so seemingly checked out on such an important decision. My gut sense is she wants to leave the District and embrace the suburban life. The quicker you guys talk about that and make a decision, the better. And while I get that you have invested time and effort and the waiting in line stuff, that doesn't mean the path you've found is the right path for your child or your family. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I'm sure there are plenty of people who have sacrificed and researched and have been rewarded with a spot at the school they so desired only to learn that the school wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. So don't be too indignant.

Amen to this a million times over. My DH and I researched together exhaustively, took a shit ton of time off work to go to open houses, spent an inordinate amount of time filling out applications, and got into ZERO great schools. Took a gamble on what we could get (mediocre, but new facility) and it was a terrible experience. Terrible. Our kid's PS3 teacher was a Nazi who made him (and us) dread going to school everyday. After an exhausting year, we threw in the towel. I'm out of the DCPS/DCPCS game because I can't afford to move in-bounds for a better school AND get the kind of house I want. No EFFING way am I going through this lottery BS for a second time, nor am I going to treat my child as a social experiment anymore. Good luck and all OP, but honestly, give it a rest. Your wife is probably sick to death of hearing about it at this point. The way you're expressing yourself here betrays to me that you are pretty certain that you have this all figured out when really, you don't. You just have no idea how the year will pan out or what the experience will be until you get there. She likely knows this which would account for her lack of excitement.

Yeah, well, your wife may turn out to be right. We were in a charter for PS3 and it sucked. The whole year was so stressful. I felt as though their "academic" expectations for three year olds were utterly unrealistic, as were their expectations for behavior. My son hates school now and we hated the whole experience as his parents. We are moving entirely out of the area, and not a moment too soon IMO. Couldn't be more relieved. This atmosphere of insanity surrounding PRESCHOOL, never mind education in general, is poisonous and, IMO, damaging to kids.

But good luck. Maybe you'll turn out to be right and your kid will thrive. Who knows. I'm just not willing to submit my child to this grand social experiment anymore. Maybe your wife feels the same way.

NP here. I lived what you're going through. Exactly! Only my DH wanted to put son in private, not move. But same issue: not believing that public school (charter or otherwise) could even be considered. I was the one that attended the open house, met the head of school, filled out the application, got him in ahead of many other applicants by being early, etc.

Here's the strategy I followed, try it. First, I did not argue the point. DH's plan takes a lot of work which he did not seem to be doing, so I didn't worry about being undercut. Second, I made an appointment with the head of school. If that's not possible, try one of the founders, or at least a very knowledgable and eloquent (NOT fawning) supporter.

Don't expect her to have the questions, YOU bring the questions that she would ask [such as: does the school engage in 'social promotion', how does the school deal with specific types of misbehavior, what is the system for children to keep track of their assignments, what is the curriculum path, particularly in math; what is done for children who are advanced in a subject area]

Then, sit back and let the head of school take over the job of convincing your wife. A year later, my DH brags about how smart we were to get DS into a fantastic, free school that enables us to enjoy city living, and that he can get to by public bus.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate all of the feedback and accept I'm not being as open as I could be. My frustration with DW is her response every time schools are brought up is the schools here are bad. That's it. No substance whatsoever. She hasn't even heard of the charter DS will attend. I told her about others that were good and she had a blank stare. In her defense, the propaganda about DC schools being failures was pretty intense in the news, etc... But now because of that a lot of people aren't willing to take a deeper look- my wife included. I will say that no one has come on here heavily in defense of schools, so in reevaluating just how hype I should be on DS's new school. I'm kinda depressed actually. If we decide to move there's zero inventory in the pyramid school clusters DW says are good. Thanks for listening.

Wait, now you are looking for a good defense of schools from DCUM. I mean really, either do your own homework or just move. This is a basic function of a parent-- look at school, look at child, make decision. What is good for my child (DCPS) may not be good for yours. We can't defend schools as a whole because we don't have experience at all schools. Of course some schools are bad and some are great. That happens in every school district.

Now about your wife-- welcome to being married to a man. Yep, most men leave the school stuff up to their wives. As we have navigates this system (charters, lottery, DCPS, middle schools!) my DH doesn't have a clue. I can repeatedly tell him why we are putting kid #2 _______ school because ______ and he will just say "why don't we live in the suburbs?" I feel your frustration.

This! And, you claim to have researched the schools so much, yet you act as if we are just supposed to wholesale defend all of the feeder schools. DC Bilingual and Yu Ying are completely different entities (as are the others, but these are the starkest comparison)! How are we supposed to know whether it is a good school for your child if we know nothing about you!!!

Also, as a parent of a child who is thriving in a feeder school that we adore, I am ecstatic about DCI. But, I'm realistic too. There is no way that I would say that you will be set for education if you send your child to a feeder (even my feeder that we love). Who knows? Only time will tell. At this point, I have high hopes it will be a great situation for us, but we plan to reevaluate on a regular basis, as we would if we sent our child to the Sidwell or the highest rated pyramid in Virginia.

Anonymous wrote:OP would love to shut YOU down, anal whiny retentive control freak idiot that you are - go on trace my server and bitch to Jeff (although I'm not your target). DCPS needs more voices to shake things up, not fewer. Just shut up already.

Someone forgot their meds this morning! Hope you're not a parent.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate all of the feedback and accept I'm not being as open as I could be. My frustration with DW is her response every time schools are brought up is the schools here are bad. That's it. No substance whatsoever. She hasn't even heard of the charter DS will attend. I told her about others that were good and she had a blank stare. In her defense, the propaganda about DC schools being failures was pretty intense in the news, etc... But now because of that a lot of people aren't willing to take a deeper look- my wife included. I will say that no one has come on here heavily in defense of schools, so in reevaluating just how hype I should be on DS's new school. I'm kinda depressed actually. If we decide to move there's zero inventory in the pyramid school clusters DW says are good. Thanks for listening.

Wait, now you are looking for a good defense of schools from DCUM. I mean really, either do your own homework or just move. This is a basic function of a parent-- look at school, look at child, make decision. What is good for my child (DCPS) may not be good for yours. We can't defend schools as a whole because we don't have experience at all schools. Of course some schools are bad and some are great. That happens in every school district.

Now about your wife-- welcome to being married to a man. Yep, most men leave the school stuff up to their wives. As we have navigates this system (charters, lottery, DCPS, middle schools!) my DH doesn't have a clue. I can repeatedly tell him why we are putting kid #2 _______ school because ______ and he will just say "why don't we live in the suburbs?" I feel your frustration.

OP would love to shut YOU down, anal whiny retentive control freak idiot that you are - go on trace my server and bitch to Jeff (although I'm not your target). DCPS needs more voices to shake things up, not fewer. Just shut up already.

Good luck, OP. It's a bummer that this discussion is happening now, since it sounds like you might leave after PK4. Nonetheless, that gives you a year to move somewhere else before K, or for your wife to come around.

OP here. I appreciate all of the feedback and accept I'm not being as open as I could be. My frustration with DW is her response every time schools are brought up is the schools here are bad. That's it. No substance whatsoever. She hasn't even heard of the charter DS will attend. I told her about others that were good and she had a blank stare. In her defense, the propaganda about DC schools being failures was pretty intense in the news, etc... But now because of that a lot of people aren't willing to take a deeper look- my wife included. I will say that no one has come on here heavily in defense of schools, so in reevaluating just how hype I should be on DS's new school. I'm kinda depressed actually. If we decide to move there's zero inventory in the pyramid school clusters DW says are good. Thanks for listening.

Anonymous wrote:Happy wife happy life , dcps is a joke even the coveted charters. Does she work in dc if not there is no reason to suffer in the city

Although I will agree with you on the first bit - happy wife, happy life - your ignorance on the school issue is quite apparent in your posting. The charters are not a subset of DCPS.

Happy wife happy life , dcps is a joke even the coveted charters. Does she work in dc if not there is no reason to suffer in the city

I agree you seem condescending and unwilling to even consider her concerns.

Honestly, OP, in a few posts, you take very condescending attitude towards your wife. In one post, you mentioned that you camped over night at least 3 times. Do you want a trophy or something? Simply because you (literally) won the lottery doesn't make you an expert on what's best for your kid and family. Presumably your wife has some insight? It seems that you just want to railroad, sorry, "shut down" her concerns.

I think seeing a marriage counselor is a good idea. At least one of you, if both of you, are talking past each other and not listening.

Maybe your wife should do research about schools in suburbs. Good districts can have as many as 28 kids in a class. No school is going to be perfect.