If you're being guilted with 'taking food out of their mouths' then put a stop to that theory by paying for their necessities instead of just handing over cash -- pay their utilities directly, and if you're willing to give more than whatever that totals up to, give the rest in grocery store gift cards. That way, you have the reassurance of knowing that -- even if they make choices you don't like with the rest of their funds -- they'll have lights & heat and some food, thanks to the two of you, and it will be harder for hubby to suggest that you need to give them more because by definition it wouldbe for non-essential items.

If my parents/ILs needed $ for housing/food etc I would have no problem giving it to them. Of course I'd not want to do so if they were just wanting another trip to a casino! Totally different.