Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:32     Subject: Should I quit my job?
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think it's a little weird that you're using "I might get a divorce" as a reason to keep working. "My husband might be unable to work, or be on disability", ok, I would get that. But why is a happily married woman - as you said you are - making decisions on something that is unlikely to happen?


Not the OP, but: because people actually do get divorced. Even people who don't think they will get divorced sometimes get divorced.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:32     Subject: Re:Should I quit my job?
Would you see yourself wanting to go back to work after your kid(s) is/are done with primary education? However many years down the road that is?

I think as a lawyer that is very difficult to do if you take off for the next 10 years (or however many it is) or so.

I'd say keep plugging away at the government jobs. My attorney group in the government just recently hired 2 attorneys, and it was a really slow process since it had to be approved by all sorts of folks to even put out the announcement, let alone approve the final hiring decisions.

I often see the CFPB hiring as well as some of the other financial regulatory agencies since they have independent funding sources.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:32     Subject: Should I quit my job?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the real problem here is that no one else can helpfully weigh in on what's the right decision for you re working or not. If money isn't the primary hurdle to deciding whether or not to work then it is about your individual preferences - how much do you enjoy working? How big a part of your identity/self-esteem etc... is what you do for a living? Will you enjoy being at home w/ your kids (and all the related things like playgroups, school networks, volunteer stuff, etc...)? Will you resent your husband's income, travel, intellectual stimulation if you're a SAHM? How will you feel about not making your own money? (That's a big thing - and much less about the dollars than the psychological impact/perception.)

So really, anyone else's opinions or choices are pretty irrelevant and I think that's why you might not be getting more helpful advice. Only you can make this decision based on what you want and what's best for your family.

You're lucky to have the options but it's still a hard decision.


You are probably right. I recognize this is totally a nice problem to have. I just really don't know how I would be as a SAHM? And. Won't figure that out until it is too late.


Could you take a 3-month leave of absence, unpaid? Try it out? Did you already say how old your kids are? Do you have a good neighborhood/school network of friends, or at least acquaintances? I find I am crabbier on the days I don't talk to other adults. (I've been a SAHM for 6 years.)
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:31     Subject: Should I quit my job?
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think it's a little weird that you're using "I might get a divorce" as a reason to keep working. "My husband might be unable to work, or be on disability", ok, I would get that. But why is a happily married woman - as you said you are - making decisions on something that is unlikely to happen?


I don't know. I am a pessimist at heart and like to plan for the worst. Probably not a healthy way to live, but I constantly hear other women being criticized for not planning for something like that.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:29     Subject: Should I quit my job?
Honestly, I think it's a little weird that you're using "I might get a divorce" as a reason to keep working. "My husband might be unable to work, or be on disability", ok, I would get that. But why is a happily married woman - as you said you are - making decisions on something that is unlikely to happen?
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:29     Subject: Should I quit my job?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't need it now. If we got divorced I think I would need it. I am kind of ambivalent about staying home. Not a huge dream of mine, but working with my husband gone all of the time is tough. I don't knew if I should just tough it out or not.


Could your husband cut back?


Hmmmm. Maybe. But I doubt he would agree to do that.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:27     Subject: Should I quit my job?
Anonymous wrote:I don't need it now. If we got divorced I think I would need it. I am kind of ambivalent about staying home. Not a huge dream of mine, but working with my husband gone all of the time is tough. I don't knew if I should just tough it out or not.


Could your husband cut back?
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:26     Subject: Should I quit my job?
Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the real problem here is that no one else can helpfully weigh in on what's the right decision for you re working or not. If money isn't the primary hurdle to deciding whether or not to work then it is about your individual preferences - how much do you enjoy working? How big a part of your identity/self-esteem etc... is what you do for a living? Will you enjoy being at home w/ your kids (and all the related things like playgroups, school networks, volunteer stuff, etc...)? Will you resent your husband's income, travel, intellectual stimulation if you're a SAHM? How will you feel about not making your own money? (That's a big thing - and much less about the dollars than the psychological impact/perception.)

So really, anyone else's opinions or choices are pretty irrelevant and I think that's why you might not be getting more helpful advice. Only you can make this decision based on what you want and what's best for your family.

You're lucky to have the options but it's still a hard decision.


You are probably right. I recognize this is totally a nice problem to have. I just really don't know how I would be as a SAHM? And. Won't figure that out until it is too late.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:25     Subject: Should I quit my job?
Anonymous wrote:What about transitioning to a law job in government? With some agencies or some departments in government, you can work a 35 or 40 hour work, telecommute from home some of the time, do flex time so you have every other Friday off, etc. You'd still keep skin in the game, government experience can make you more marketable in the long run (if you ever decided to transition back to private practice), you'd maybe have more control over your schedule (depends on the job and department, obviously), and you'd have more time at home.


This is what my husband does. It's great- the hours are stable, he gets comp time for anything over 40 hours (which is usually because he wants to put in extra hours and get comp time- he is almost never required to work more than his schedule), has every Friday off and works from home 1 day every other week, soon to be every week. However, I hear it's VERY slow in hiring and takes a long time to get into.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:24     Subject: Should I quit my job?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What about transitioning to a law job in government? With some agencies or some departments in government, you can work a 35 or 40 hour work, telecommute from home some of the time, do flex time so you have every other Friday off, etc. You'd still keep skin in the game, government experience can make you more marketable in the long run (if you ever decided to transition back to private practice), you'd maybe have more control over your schedule (depends on the job and department, obviously), and you'd have more time at home.


This is a good idea. I have had no luck finding this kind of job, though. I will keep on applying.


It's tough with budget cuts/sequester, etc. right now. But check out some of the agencies too, not just DOJ. I know of some lawyers who have pretty nice schedules over at the SEC, for instance. Have also heard good things about the FTC. Good luck.


The SEC does seem good. Unfortunately, securities is not my area. I wonder if they ever hire laterals from other areas of law.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:24     Subject: Should I quit my job?
OP, I think the real problem here is that no one else can helpfully weigh in on what's the right decision for you re working or not. If money isn't the primary hurdle to deciding whether or not to work then it is about your individual preferences - how much do you enjoy working? How big a part of your identity/self-esteem etc... is what you do for a living? Will you enjoy being at home w/ your kids (and all the related things like playgroups, school networks, volunteer stuff, etc...)? Will you resent your husband's income, travel, intellectual stimulation if you're a SAHM? How will you feel about not making your own money? (That's a big thing - and much less about the dollars than the psychological impact/perception.)

So really, anyone else's opinions or choices are pretty irrelevant and I think that's why you might not be getting more helpful advice. Only you can make this decision based on what you want and what's best for your family.

You're lucky to have the options but it's still a hard decision.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:23     Subject: Should I quit my job?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'd look for another job, perhaps part-time.


Doing what? I already work a reduced schedule. We have a very expensive nanny (and need her because one of my children has special needs). As it is, I don't make that much beyond what we need to pay her (although I do fully fund my 401(k)).


Yes, but even you admit that its not really part-time. You said you don't need the money. Do you WANT to SAH? I really think that is the only question here.


I don't need it now. If we got divorced I think I would need it. I am kind of ambivalent about staying home. Not a huge dream of mine, but working with my husband gone all of the time is tough. I don't knew if I should just tough it out or not.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:23     Subject: Should I quit my job?
OP, your DH makes 1M a year- do what ever the hell you want.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:23     Subject: Should I quit my job?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What about transitioning to a law job in government? With some agencies or some departments in government, you can work a 35 or 40 hour work, telecommute from home some of the time, do flex time so you have every other Friday off, etc. You'd still keep skin in the game, government experience can make you more marketable in the long run (if you ever decided to transition back to private practice), you'd maybe have more control over your schedule (depends on the job and department, obviously), and you'd have more time at home.


This is a good idea. I have had no luck finding this kind of job, though. I will keep on applying.


It's tough with budget cuts/sequester, etc. right now. But check out some of the agencies too, not just DOJ. I know of some lawyers who have pretty nice schedules over at the SEC, for instance. Have also heard good things about the FTC. Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2013 15:22     Subject: Re:Should I quit my job?
Anonymous wrote:If I were in your shoes, I would quit my bl job. I would stay home, or perhaps hire a nanny for respite care - like 15 hours a week or something. I'd be a way more engaged mom, create a lot of pottery, cook from scratch regularly, hike at least weekly, and stay engaged with the legal profession by serving on the board of their school, or at a community organization or two that I cared about. But it's not about what I want, what do you want???


I don't know. That is why I am asking others what they would do. I have worked for a long time. It is difficult to imagine how it would be if I stopped working with no plans to go back.