Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ahh, this could have been my MIL, if only she lived in this area. I just take the boatloads of clothes she sends, pick out what I like, return the rest, and/or give some of the extras to my sisters for their kids. I am sorry, but it is INSANE how many clothes she sends; one 5yo child does not need THAT many clothes. It is a control thing with her; she wants to be the one dressing my child. I just write a thank-you note and leave it at that.

Smart, no-drama way to handle the situation.

Thanks! This was my response! PS I am the one who also posted right above you, with the compulsive buying, in debt MIL. So, this is how I handle her.

If some one gave me a gift, I would say thank you. Even if it's from an indebted hoarder relative I don't really like - it's the only acceptable response IMO. If they get me too many gifts, I would accept that one in the moment and suggest next time they come and spend some time with LO as their gift.

You don't have to store unwanted items - you can give them away, return them for store credit, consign them, or donate them to a charity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just say "thanks! Now we are set and don't need any clothes for the next two years!"

Because sometimes mothers (and even fathers!) like the joy of picking out clothing for their children.

You still say THANK YOU when someone gives you something. Jesus. Where are your manners?

Anonymous wrote:Ahh, this could have been my MIL, if only she lived in this area. I just take the boatloads of clothes she sends, pick out what I like, return the rest, and/or give some of the extras to my sisters for their kids. I am sorry, but it is INSANE how many clothes she sends; one 5yo child does not need THAT many clothes. It is a control thing with her; she wants to be the one dressing my child. I just write a thank-you note and leave it at that.

Smart, no-drama way to handle the situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my mother or MIL go overboard with giving our baby lots of unnecessary "stuff," DH and I may kindly let them know we have no room for it, baby is growing so fast and it would be much better if they gave baby savings bonds instead, just as most of my relatives had done when I was a baby. It was terrific discovering them 20 years later and having the money on hand for school and travel.

+1 Savings bonds my grandparents bought when I was in kindergarten went into the down payment for my first home. It blew me away.

ME too. I used savings bonds my grandparents had given me every b'day since I was a little girl, to pay for grad school tuition. BUT, I hav suggested the same thing to MIL, and she doesn't want to. Says they are "boring." Wants to waste her $$ on "pretty clothes." You can lead some horses to water abut you cannot make them drink. This is a lady who has a chronic over-spending problem and was once $20K in debt on her credit cards (yes, *her* credit cards, b/c she and FIL have separated their $$ b/c FIL could not take her $$ probs anymore) and had to use $$ after her own parents died to pay off all her credit cards . Then, she swore, "Never again!" but did she stop? No, she just ran them up again. SOOOO, clearly, this lady has a longstanding problem and none of these suggestions work for someone like this. THAT is why I have this so-called "first world problem" when we get heaps and heaps of unnecessary clothes for my DD.

Anonymous wrote:Actually I think the DIL is fine with the "closet is full" response. For all you know, this MIL has been showing up with 5 outfits a day since the baby was in utero. Maybe the outfits are from some smoke-filled house on eBay or are covered in characters like Mickey Mouse. Or maybe they're gorgeous outfits from France. Who knows. Maybe the DIL has repeatedly asked not to bring clothes, but MIL isn't listening. If DIL says yes to this load of clothes, there will be another next week, and so on. So she simply said in a friendly way, "Thanks so much Gladys, but the closet is full!"

That was my feeling. It's possible that MIL really is going overboard, buying more clothes than the baby can possibly wear, and the parents really don't have the space for it. The DIL might have meant it when she said the closet was full and they didn't have room to store all the stuff the MIL bought.

My mom usually brings one or two little outfits when she visits (about 4 times a year), but she doesn't go overboard. I would always accept those graciously. But if she was sending dozens of outfits all the time, I might have to ask her to cut back a little, because we really wouldn't have the space for them, and it would feel wasteful. My mom also checks to see what size my daughter is wearing before she buys anything.

Anonymous wrote:If my mother or MIL go overboard with giving our baby lots of unnecessary "stuff," DH and I may kindly let them know we have no room for it, baby is growing so fast and it would be much better if they gave baby savings bonds instead, just as most of my relatives had done when I was a baby. It was terrific discovering them 20 years later and having the money on hand for school and travel.

+1 Savings bonds my grandparents bought when I was in kindergarten went into the down payment for my first home. It blew me away.

If my mother or MIL go overboard with giving our baby lots of unnecessary "stuff," DH and I may kindly let them know we have no room for it, baby is growing so fast and it would be much better if they gave baby savings bonds instead, just as most of my relatives had done when I was a baby. It was terrific discovering them 20 years later and having the money on hand for school and travel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually I think the DIL is fine with the "closet is full" response. For all you know, this MIL has been showing up with 5 outfits a day since the baby was in utero. Maybe the outfits are from some smoke-filled house on eBay or are covered in characters like Mickey Mouse. Or maybe they're gorgeous outfits from France. Who knows. Maybe the DIL has repeatedly asked not to bring clothes, but MIL isn't listening. If DIL says yes to this load of clothes, there will be another next week, and so on. So she simply said in a friendly way, "Thanks so much Gladys, but the closet is full!"

There's been more than one thread on DCUM about MILs who buy tons of unneeded stuff for their grandchildren and yet have inadequate retirement savings and will likely be dependent on their child and DIL/SIL. I think this is one circumstance in which it's fine to protest a gift.

Now if the mil is money strapped that is another story

Anonymous wrote:21:43 - AMEN. But first ADMIT that you NEED meds, please, the whole family begs you!

Apparently, I'm better off than some in this department: MIL has a shrink who puts her on some version of the anxiety meds she's needed since she was 8 years old, so "all" we have to do is "suggest" that maybe she should think about going back in for some sessions with her doctor and also think about possibly STAYING ON HER MEDS.

Ehhh. Accept the gift. If you don't like it or want to use it, put it on the kid, snap a picture, send it to MIL and then donate the clothing. People are crazy and like to create drama.

21:01 - that is the best you have? Really? Lame.

21:43 - AMEN. But first ADMIT that you NEED meds, please, the whole family begs you!

Anonymous wrote:Actually I think the DIL is fine with the "closet is full" response. For all you know, this MIL has been showing up with 5 outfits a day since the baby was in utero. Maybe the outfits are from some smoke-filled house on eBay or are covered in characters like Mickey Mouse. Or maybe they're gorgeous outfits from France. Who knows. Maybe the DIL has repeatedly asked not to bring clothes, but MIL isn't listening. If DIL says yes to this load of clothes, there will be another next week, and so on. So she simply said in a friendly way, "Thanks so much Gladys, but the closet is full!"

There's been more than one thread on DCUM about MILs who buy tons of unneeded stuff for their grandchildren and yet have inadequate retirement savings and will likely be dependent on their child and DIL/SIL. I think this is one circumstance in which it's fine to protest a gift.

I believe DCUM started in 2001. So, only another decade or two until all the inlaw hating moms become MIL's themselves. I can't wait.

Actually I think the DIL is fine with the "closet is full" response. For all you know, this MIL has been showing up with 5 outfits a day since the baby was in utero. Maybe the outfits are from some smoke-filled house on eBay or are covered in characters like Mickey Mouse. Or maybe they're gorgeous outfits from France. Who knows. Maybe the DIL has repeatedly asked not to bring clothes, but MIL isn't listening. If DIL says yes to this load of clothes, there will be another next week, and so on. So she simply said in a friendly way, "Thanks so much Gladys, but the closet is full!"