OP, take this as a valuable insight into his behavior. Don't be foolish- when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Start putting aside money, start coming up with an exit plan. Watch his behavior. If you felt unsafe in that moment, LISTEN TO THAT. I'm not saying you should leave and file today, but get your ducks in order so that you CAN leave should that moment arise, and if it does, so that he wont be able to take the car from you and other things.

this post is a year and a half old

This is strange to me. We each have our own set of keys to both cars. In fact, due to a degenerative condition, my wife can no longer drive and yet she still has keys to both her car and mine. We have children and if I'm not there, she can still call for a friend to come over and pick up our kids with our car seats, etc. Why would you not have extra sets of car keys that are available to the adults in the household? Especially driving adults in the household? What would you do if someone lost the car keys or dropped them somewhere inaccessible?

You need to have duplicate car keys made. Whether they are generally available to everyone in the house, everyone has their own set or you feel so unsafe that you feel the need to hide a set, you need more than one set of keys to the car.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As to provoking, we had an argument in the car, he pulled over, got out and walked off (it was very close to the house, not like he walked ten miles), was home before me in fact, and when i parked and came in he took away the car keys saying he will be the only one driving it (which is not like his usual self at all).

Not the whole story. What was the argument about?

Driving styles of both of us

Does he think you're an unsafe driver? Were you drinking & driving?

It's controlling and manipulative. Certainly a tool that would be used in an emotionally abusive, and overall unhealthy, relationship.

Taking the keys, locking you out of the accounts, taking away credit cards, locking you out of your email accounts or taking you off the family phone plan - those are crazy manipulative, meant to isolate and control you.

OP, I would take this first offense as a sign that you need to get copies of all keys and account statements, put a freeze on your credit so your spouse can't open or close accounts in your name, and I would start to get my affairs in order to separate assets. This is dangerous and going to happen again.

I have worked for years in a domestic abuse shelter and taking car keys is definitely abuse. So is taking someone's wallet. Please get some help.

Hi please help, we have two carving my wife's name and I pay for the other one though married in cop. She had me arrestedfor domestic violence and the police advices me to hand her my care keys and now she refuse to give them back. I went to her with cops and she said no. What can I do

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As to provoking, we had an argument in the car, he pulled over, got out and walked off (it was very close to the house, not like he walked ten miles), was home before me in fact, and when i parked and came in he took away the car keys saying he will be the only one driving it (which is not like his usual self at all).

Not the whole story. What was the argument about?

Driving styles of both of us

Anonymous wrote:As to provoking, we had an argument in the car, he pulled over, got out and walked off (it was very close to the house, not like he walked ten miles), was home before me in fact, and when i parked and came in he took away the car keys saying he will be the only one driving it (which is not like his usual self at all).

Not the whole story. What was the argument about?

It's definitely unacceptable behavior, but for something like this I think it would take more than one incident to constitute abuse. You both need to take it seriously, though, and look into getting some help to sort things out.

If it's a pattern, then, yes, I think it's abusive, although it won't necessarily go on to become physically dangerous.

As to provoking, we had an argument in the car, he pulled over, got out and walked off (it was very close to the house, not like he walked ten miles), was home before me in fact, and when i parked and came in he took away the car keys saying he will be the only one driving it (which is not like his usual self at all).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you walk? If so, it's not "abuse." It's "inconvenient."

Not everywhere, not in every weather, and not with the kid
Besides, why is HE the one to decide who does the walking? Isn't it supposed to be discussed?

I think in such a situation you're diluting the impact of the words "abuse" and "violence." Maybe he's being unreasonable and unfair and making things inconvenient, but it doesn't sound like it meets the threshold of abusive and violent.

Thanks, this is OP.
That's what I wanted to know, since my reaction to this was a bit out of line, too- did nit get to the point of spitting , but started yelling as I became very agitated. Trying to analyze why. I guess I am controlling and I don't like losing it too much..,

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, no one has asked what OP did to provoke her husband's taking of the keys? No one is defending his right to do so? No one is asking why OP is such a wuss and overreacting to such a silly, trivial occurrence? Good thing he didn't lunge at you and spit at you, OP, otherwise people would be asking those questions.

People do not "provoke" controlling behavior or violence. There is no excuse for such behavior.

Perhaps you are referencing another thread and being ironic.

That's just demonstrably untrue. If I kick a dude in the nuts, and he punches me in the nose, I have provoked violence.

No, in that example you've actually instigated the violence.

So, making fine distinctions between "provocation" and "instigation" is what you're going with? Fascinating.

O.k., let's say I pretend I'm about to kick a guy in the nuts and he punches me in the nose because he believes that's what I'm trying to do. Now I've "provoked" instead of "instigated" if there is a difference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, no one has asked what OP did to provoke her husband's taking of the keys? No one is defending his right to do so? No one is asking why OP is such a wuss and overreacting to such a silly, trivial occurrence? Good thing he didn't lunge at you and spit at you, OP, otherwise people would be asking those questions.

People do not "provoke" controlling behavior or violence. There is no excuse for such behavior.

Perhaps you are referencing another thread and being ironic.

Um, yes. How could you miss the companion thread of which this is explicitly cited as a spin-off? See "spouse spit on me" and the idiotic vitriol being spewed by possibly the same women coming to this OP's defense because the gender roles are reversed. I certainly don't mean to suggest that OP provoked this behavior.