Anonymous wrote:Never had a birthday party, the few times I received money for my birthday from relatives, my mother snatched it away from me for booze and cigarettes

Started babysitting when I was ten, had to give half of any money I earned to my mother for "board".

Not surprisingly, I left home before I was 16.

Similar story. No birthday parties or presents. Never allowed to have friends over. No individual Christmas presents - all toys came in a big pile from Santa to share among the five of us. Never getting stuff besides at Christmas.

Never allowed to serve ourselves at meals so we didn't take too much food. Getting teased at school for eating every bit of the school lunch. No vacations. No outings unless someone else's mom took me and paid the bill. My family never drove carpools. Walking everywhere I wanted to go - sometimes miles, sometimes late at night.

All clothes were hand me downs or handmade. I could make all my own clothes by fourth grade. Wearing the same thing at least twice a week because I didn't have many clothes. I never had pizza until I was 13.

Got a paper route when I was eight and built it up as big as I could get it. Have worked ever since.

Left home at 16 on a full college scholarship and never looked back.

I read the PP whose child wants for nothing. For me, I struggle with this. I try not to go overboard with Christmas, clothes and things in general. And, I tend to lean the opposite way - giving my kids the opportunity to work and save for things, but not the things themselves. On the other hand, we do things all the time, I give them lots of extracurricular activities and we take great vacations. Also, when they struggled in school, I got them tutors. I also can't stand to have a cold house in the winter.

Thanks everyone for sharing.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories. They are heartbreaking. I'm curious how you all were able yo break the cycle? How were you able to make better choices?

In my view, there is something about being poor that makes you try harder and take more risks. When you are wealthy, why try harder? Now, my family is comfortable. We're not wealthy, but we have what we need, can do some fun things, and have some money in the bank. As with another poster above, I wonder if my kids are spoiled, and wouldn't have their character improved by having less.

Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories. They are heartbreaking. I'm curious how you all were able yo break the cycle? How were you able to make better choices?

I remember pulling out food stamps at the grocery store, and wondering if we had enough cash for the items FS didn't cover- shampoo, etc. how is shampoo not a necessity? It was the moment I dreaded every week.

Working as a dishwasher in the middle school kitchen for a free lunch because we couldn't afford even the reduced price lunch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:* all of 4th and 5th grade we didnt have power.
* qualified for free lunch and like you OP would never get te lunch because then people would know.
*all thru HS we lived,literally, in a shack with roaches, rats and no AC or heat
* I never went to a single event in HS, including prom because there wasnt money to, and I was ashamed of my clothes
* I spent so many nights going to bed hungry that I push food on my DC. I'm so paranoid he might be hungry that now he's about 10lbs overweight
* as an adult I'm a terrible hoarder of things I never had as a kid- toothpaste, deodorant, soap/shampoo and feminine products being my biggest hoards

Where did you live? What are your circumstances like now? What about your siblings? Parents?

I grew up in Texas and Florida. Texas we were poor, in Florida we were dirt poor. My father just one day decided he didn't want to work anymore and so he didnt. I got a job at 15, but it went to help pay the bills.
It's been 25 yrs since I've spoken or seen my father and close to 10 for my mother. I am by no means wealthy, but I do very well and my DC has never known what hungry or cold or scared feels like. He is heavily spoiled. I keep telling myself I need to scale back on material things for him, and then the little girl me rears her head and I can't help it and buy whatever his heart desires

Your son is no better off than that little girl. You are doing him a terrible disservice. I assume you appreciate what you have now, no? I doubt that a child growing up being given everything "his heart desires" will ever truly appreciate anything. Why not try to correct that before it's too late?

Because when your entire childhood is colored with memories of crying yourself to sleep from hunger, or only being allowed one shower a week because water was too expensive, when you are wearing clothes you found in the dumpster and swatting at rats as big as a cat in the kitchen with a broom, these things become your identity. The threads of poverty run deep in the tapestry of my life. My little boy has more food available to him than I had in a months time as a kid, he has heat and air conditioning, toys,electronics and experiences I never dreamed of. He is living the childhood I always wanted. I am a GOOD mom. Even if I have spoiled my son.

I am you PP. My husband, who grew up MC, cannot comprehend this feeling you and I share. He says I spoil our son and am reliving my childhood vicariously through him. I suppose he is right, but my son wants for nothing.

On a different note, I am afraid that I may be doing him some harm. He is eight, and one day as I was ordering take out at A drive through, a homeless man asked for something to eat. My eight year old son was angry tht I purchased this homeless man a meal. I know I need to make som changes in this attititud before he grows up to think like so many self centered, entitled, compassionless, people haunting these threads.

Anonymous wrote:Ziplock bags over my shoes, tied with rubber bands, instead of snow boots. Mom's idea. I was in second grade and thought it was brilliant. Until everyone made fun of me.

Me too!

Sorry, first line meant to say "wouldn't"

I would classify us as poor but my parents were terrible with money and were/are hoarders. I remember all the bill collectors calling, and having an answering machine that was like a tape recorder and hearing them leave threats on the machine every time they called. We were not allowed to answer the phone, ever, which was very hard for a teenage girl.

Utilities often go shut off. We ate tons of canned food, because you couldn't trust anything in the fridge, whether it was fresh or how long it had been in there, Lots of beans, tuna, chey boy are dee.

Our house was horribly messy all of the time. We lived in squalor. I could never have a playdate or sleepover. I was terrified of someone finding out, still am.

I got a job as soon as I turned 13, I had to go to the courthouse to get a work permit. I used the money to buy my clothes and shoes.

It was very difficult for me to find someone as a partner, to trust a man to see my parents' house and agree

My parents are wonderful people, it really aches my heart that they make such poor choices in life. My family has had many horrible medical problems that have result in insane medical bills, so i know this contributed to the problem, along with the acciddental death of one of my parent's siblings when i was a baby that seem to send them over the edge. I have always known they loved me, and I just need to accept them for who they are.

They still ask me for money. My children have never been inside their home. Their hoarding habit is apparently really out of control according to one of my siblings. I feel helpless. I married a wonderful man who knows these dilemmas, I am very lucky. I am a neat freak, and I worry I am too hard on my kids about staying organized and cleaning up after themselves. I also take very good care of all my possessions, to have something new and nice is a really big deal still today.

Definately the free lunch vouchers.

There would be the day (or more) old store for bread. Like a discount Hostess place where we would go buy bread, stale Hostess cupcakes, etc

We used Welches grape jelly jars for drinking glasses. I had no idea until a friend came over and pointed it out and made fun of me.

Plastic bags tied over shoes in snow and pizza tray as a sled.

No AC and always trying to put my back against the wall when I slept because it was cool.

Thank you for sharing your stories.

Ugh. I don't like to think about my past.

Anonymous wrote:Free lunch with the dreaded "Red card." That sucked royally. My friends were all getting french fries and whatever they wanted, I had to get a hot & cold pack.
Freebie clothes - an organization called Charity Newsies gave my Mom clothes for us. I was proud of my "silent" rubber soled shoes that made no noise when I walked.
Electricity being turned off and having to go pay at the grocery store to get it turned back on.
Roaches, not always, but sometimes. Oh the roaches.
Bologna sandwiches. Lots and lots of bologna sandwiches.
Cheese & mayonnaise sandwiches in my lunch because we didn't have lunchmeat.
Not having a dime to pay to go to the public pool 3 blocks away, next to the projects
Going to the food pantry with my Mom
Oh, government cheese & powdered milk.

My Mom was a single Mom making min wage. She basically lied to welfare to get benefits, saying she wasn't working, so she could have medical care for us. She got caught and had to pay it back.

The really rough patches were when she was single, mainly between 3-7th grade.

What a shitty system, huh? You all should have qualified it for it with her working, you clearly needed it.

I haven't gotten to that place, and may never be at that place where I can separate my sons childhood from mine.

Don't underestimate yourself.

We would've been considered poor by others but I can only remember good things about my childhood. I didn't feel poor. My mom is the most positive person I know and made everything seem wonderful. We did alot of free stuff (library for books, swam at the public pools, parks and playgrounds daily, lots of time spent with my cousins and our imaginations, etc).

In my school, there was no shame about free lunch because most of us received it, including the popular kids. Since many ate off of food stamps, pulling them out at the corner store wasn't a big deal.

Today, I am solidly middle class. I feel appreciative of my upbringing. As corny as it sounds, sometimes I am moved to tears about how blessed I am in life (not just materially).