Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't have kids yet, but work full time, am pregnant and in my third trimester currently. We have no family in the area to help so once the baby is born I will be looking into a nanny if I go back to work. But I just don't know if it is worth it. Currently, I love my field and like my job but I dread Mondays, often feel annoyed and stressed during the workday, and feel a huge time crunch to get all my chores and errands done on the weekends (too tired after work to do anything). This makes my weekends stressed and non-relaxing.

I'm currently on maternity leave with my 6-week-old (my first) after a difficult third trimester, so I say this with sympathy and respect: you do not need to make this decision now, and this is not a good time to make this decision. You are tired and easily annoyed and the daily grind seems overwhelming. It may be that after the baby arrives you feel differently about working ... or not. You may find you like DH's staycations, or not. But you can decide later. If you quit now and it turns out this was all hormones and extra weight talking, you may be SOL in a tough economy when -- if you'd just postponed the decision a while -- you could have still had a job you liked in a field you loved.

So make plans to return to work after your maternity leave. You can always change your mind and give notice while you are on leave. Or you can go back to work for a couple weeks and, if you still hate it, quit then. But there is no reason to limit your options right now.

Good luck!

If I could, I would stay at home. I am also not career driven and am actually in a field that does not excite me. My salary is very, very low compared to other DCUMers @105k but it is higher than my husband's. so, I continue to work. If your family can do without the income and you aren't crazy about what you do then go for it. I think my husband would respect me just fine if I stayed home. I guess it depends on the type of guy you married. I can see some of them being jerks but certainly not all.

I could never make myself that vulnerable, particularly given the economy and the lack of social safety net in this country. I need to know that at any moment I can support my children and myself, that I can depend on myself and no one else if the need arises.

I like the independence, sense of self and security that working gives me. When my children were tiny I wished I could SAH, but now I'm glad that it was never an option.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband will lose respect for you, no matter what he claims.

I agree and what if the marriage ends, Oy!

Then you married the wrong type of man.

+1000

To answer OP's question, yes, I found the stress of working a 9-5 (or longer) job not worth it. Not only for our family, but my health was suffering.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband will lose respect for you, no matter what he claims.

I agree and what if the marriage ends, Oy!

Then you married the wrong type of man.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't have kids yet, but work full time, am pregnant and in my third trimester currently. We have no family in the area to help so once the baby is born I will be looking into a nanny if I go back to work. But I just don't know if it is worth it. Currently, I love my field and like my job but I dread Mondays, often feel annoyed and stressed during the workday, and feel a huge time crunch to get all my chores and errands done on the weekends (too tired after work to do anything). This makes my weekends stressed and non-relaxing.

The other thing is that I get very little vacation time with my job, and DH gets 5 more weeks than I do, so I feel like his vacation time is wasted, since he ends up doing stay cations. This alone makes me want to quit my job and be a SAHM, so we can do more with his vacation time.

Yes, I do like having my own salary. But that is the only thing I can think of that makes me want to keep working and not be a SAHM. And since I make a piddily amount, I don't even think it's worth it. Also, I am not a career driven person, and my ambition flew out the window years ago. I much prefer to relax and be as stress free as possible, which working is definitely not conducive too. I would not miss my colleagues or work socialization if I quit.[/b]

Stay home! You can always go back later. Really appreciate your candidness about not being a career-driven person. For many of us, it really is about getting that paycheck and not ladder climbing. We live for weekends and holidays!

And as far as work socialization goes, I think that that is one of the main timesucks in the workplace today -- too much unproductive socialization a.k.a. office politics, gossip, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Your husband will lose respect for you, no matter what he claims.

I agree and what if the marriage ends, Oy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you didn't mind spending someone else's money? Did you have to ask him for money like he was your dad, or did you just feel entitled to the fruits of someone else's labor? Neither is flattering.

This is so sad. A marriage is a partnership where you share. Why would you marry someone you don't respect? Why would you jointly make a decision as a family that you are going to later use to control and belittle your spouse?

This is so true. It depends who you marry. I had a long term boyfriend who came from a wealthy family. I did not. He was very into making lots of money and he had a big ego. He was the cheating type. He wanted me as the nice girlfriend and I found out he cheated quite a few times. If I had married him and been a SAHM he would have used it to control me. I regret the time I wasted in that relationship (4 years if my life) but it taught me the type of person I did not want to marry. I married a great hardworking guy who has always felt that we are equals and all the money that is earned is for our family. You need to have the same priorities in life like family!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and it makes our family life so much better and less stressful. My DH travels for work a lot and he doesn't have to worry because he knows I always have all child/household things covered. We can afford to get by on one salary. I would be back at work if we needed my income to live but we are frugal so for now it works for us. Now that it is summer I am busier than ever with all three home and running around with them all day. It is fun and they are growing up fast!

Same here. And don't feel bad about your Masters, OP. I have a Ph. D. Love my field, still read and do lots of things to stay current but no actual workplace to deal with and I prefer to prioritize my family. Whatever colleagues I could have today won't be at my funeral.

Really? I'm not the biggest socializer at work, but a number of my colleagues are good friends and would be at my funeral, I hope.

You can only hope.

OP here. I don't have kids yet, but work full time, am pregnant and in my third trimester currently. We have no family in the area to help so once the baby is born I will be looking into a nanny if I go back to work. But I just don't know if it is worth it. Currently, I love my field and like my job but I dread Mondays, often feel annoyed and stressed during the workday, and feel a huge time crunch to get all my chores and errands done on the weekends (too tired after work to do anything). This makes my weekends stressed and non-relaxing.

The other thing is that I get very little vacation time with my job, and DH gets 5 more weeks than I do, so I feel like his vacation time is wasted, since he ends up doing stay cations. This alone makes me want to quit my job and be a SAHM, so we can do more with his vacation time.

Yes, I do like having my own salary. But that is the only thing I can think of that makes me want to keep working and not be a SAHM. And since I make a piddily amount, I don't even think it's worth it. Also, I am not a career driven person, and my ambition flew out the window years ago. I much prefer to relax and be as stress free as possible, which working is definitely not conducive too. I would not miss my colleagues or work socialization if I quit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and it makes our family life so much better and less stressful. My DH travels for work a lot and he doesn't have to worry because he knows I always have all child/household things covered. We can afford to get by on one salary. I would be back at work if we needed my income to live but we are frugal so for now it works for us. Now that it is summer I am busier than ever with all three home and running around with them all day. It is fun and they are growing up fast!

Same here. And don't feel bad about your Masters, OP. I have a Ph. D. Love my field, still read and do lots of things to stay current but no actual workplace to deal with and I prefer to prioritize my family. Whatever colleagues I could have today won't be at my funeral.

Really? I'm not the biggest socializer at work, but a number of my colleagues are good friends and would be at my funeral, I hope.

It wasn't worth it for me. I was sick constantly and always anxious and stressed. Quit to SAH, and haven't regretted it for a second.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you didn't mind spending someone else's money? Did you have to ask him for money like he was your dad, or did you just feel entitled to the fruits of someone else's labor? Neither is flattering.

This is so sad. A marriage is a partnership where you share. Why would you marry someone you don't respect? Why would you jointly make a decision as a family that you are going to later use to control and belittle your spouse?

I agree with this. These people who enter a marriage constantly hedging for when they're going to split up are really tragic.

Anonymous wrote:So you didn't mind spending someone else's money? Did you have to ask him for money like he was your dad, or did you just feel entitled to the fruits of someone else's labor? Neither is flattering.

This is so sad. A marriage is a partnership where you share. Why would you marry someone you don't respect? Why would you jointly make a decision as a family that you are going to later use to control and belittle your spouse?