Anonymous wrote:First of all OP, your daughter's health takes priority over anyone's self-esteem. You are not responsible for making your MIL feel better. There are all sorts of toxins that are on the skin and clothing of a smoker, and you are not out of line to be concerned. The fact that your baby was born prematurely adds another level of concern. It is absolutely fine to proceed cautiously with this. I agree with others that talking with your pediatrician is best. Write down your questions and give the specific details of the situations with MIL about which you are concerned.

Anonymous wrote:Yes you are being overprotective, but understandably so. I think saying you would rather she never hold your baby is a little unreasonable though.

Reasonable - the change of clothes
Veering into unreasonable territory - showering

I'm wondering how bad the smoke really is. You clearly have issues with smokers and might be imagining how bad the smell is. My brother is like this.

Anonymous wrote:I hope you also shield your child from fireplaces, grills, auto exhaust, and do not take her with you to the gas station.

You seem a little neurotic. I understand that you have a premie and I understand that she is extra-fragile at this point, however, you don't need to be cruel and have a little compassion for your weak mil. Washing hands, no smoking on way to your house, brushing teeth, blanket between her and baby are the limits if what you can ask -- unless you would rather just skype with her for the time being.

On the bright, though morbid side, you may not need to worry about her for too long.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you also shield your child from fireplaces, grills, auto exhaust, and do not take her with you to the gas station.

You seem a little neurotic. I understand that you have a premie and I understand that she is extra-fragile at this point, however, you don't need to be cruel and have a little compassion for your weak mil. Washing hands, no smoking on way to your house, brushing teeth, blanket between her and baby are the limits if what you can ask -- unless you would rather just skype with her for the time being.

On the bright, though morbid side, you may not need to worry about her for too long.

You obviously have never had a preemie. Speak when you know what you are talking about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you also shield your child from fireplaces, grills, auto exhaust, and do not take her with you to the gas station.

You seem a little neurotic. I understand that you have a premie and I understand that she is extra-fragile at this point, however, you don't need to be cruel and have a little compassion for your weak mil. Washing hands, no smoking on way to your house, brushing teeth, blanket between her and baby are the limits if what you can ask -- unless you would rather just skype with her for the time being.

On the bright, though morbid side, you may not need to worry about her for too long.

You obviously have never had a preemie. Speak when you know what you are talking about.

Anonymous wrote:I hope you also shield your child from fireplaces, grills, auto exhaust, and do not take her with you to the gas station.

You seem a little neurotic. I understand that you have a premie and I understand that she is extra-fragile at this point, however, you don't need to be cruel and have a little compassion for your weak mil. Washing hands, no smoking on way to your house, brushing teeth, blanket between her and baby are the limits if what you can ask -- unless you would rather just skype with her for the time being.

On the bright, though morbid side, you may not need to worry about her for too long.

Anonymous wrote:Let me preface what I am going to write by saying that any and all of these that lean no supportive to your views where this topic is concerned need to disclose if they smoke and if they hold close relationships to smokers.
I say this because smoking erodes one's olfactory abilities.
Simply put.... They can smell as at all as well as they claim.
In addition, smokers are often addicts in their own right; most succinctly the chain smokers.
Consequently addicts choose denial as oppose to reality.
Bottom line, I know too well your agony. Where I do not have a premie, I do have an allergy prone daughter who at the age of 12 got tubes.
She has just had severe seasonal and environmental allergies to the point of continuous retracted eardrums.
My mother chose to marry a chain smoker.
The reek emanates from their house 4 feet on a good day.
On the rare occasion he is not burning down 2 cigs at once... No exaggeration,
makes little difference due to the dozen years of stored carcinogen within the house.
Walk in there 5 mins, come out and you smell your hands.
They retain a copper smell as though you were holding a cigarette.
We strip down and wash our stuff after every visit and especially before we sit on our furniture.
It's that bad; so, all of your nay-Sayers need to step back.
I hate going over there. The pediatrician asked if we live with a smoker and I told her we visit my moms home.
She told me that my daughter should not be in that atmosphere.
My sister and children have asthma which is what your baby can develop from exposure to the gunk on a smoker.
My sister will not visit mom anymore. Breathing is a tad more important.
Again the addict smoker and his enabler don't get it; so, my sister is vilified as callous in keeping Grandkids from mom.
I do not fault my sister for protecting her children; she would be a neglectful parent if she didn't.
I will also add that my mom has the biggest heart and cleans my home; totally unsolicited, when I am at work.
Sometimes she takes laundry to her home to do.
Oh my heck. I have to redo them twice to rid the reek.
Most times I have to hold my breath just to keep from gagging around her,
and it's not her. It's her husband.
To give you an out get your OB/GYN to write up what is an acceptable enviornment and what is to be avoided at all costs.
Also the detriments of neglecting the basic prescription of post natal premie care.
I back you entirely. You are far from neurotic.
You are championing your daughter's health.
Do you know what a miracle it is that preemies have such a great prognosis?
And you know the fight for her health science her birth.
So, go for a well baby check up and especially if your infant is under a specialists care have them weight in, in writing.
That way when you start doubting yourself because of bullying within your family; because really that's what it is, pull out your doctors orders. E

Anonymous wrote:First of all OP, your daughter's health takes priority over anyone's self-esteem. You are not responsible for making your MIL feel better. There are all sorts of toxins that are on the skin and clothing of a smoker, and you are not out of line to be concerned. The fact that your baby was born prematurely adds another level of concern. It is absolutely fine to proceed cautiously with this. I agree with others that talking with your pediatrician is best. Write down your questions and give the specific details of the situations with MIL about which you are concerned.