Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

On the one hand, I agree that potty training is not a competition, and that you cannot force a child to potty train. On the other hand, my expectation for my child was that he would be potty trained before 3. I didn't want to change diapers of an older child, unless the child had special needs that prevented training, or some difficult life event interfered with training. I never yelled at him or punished him for having accidents, but I did repeatedly make it very clear what I expected from him, the same way that you would make it clear that you expected a child not to throw sand, push etc.
At the end of the day, DS is obviously smarter than me, because he said that he felt that he could definitely potty train, but needed bigger toys, not just M&M's and stickers.

I don't agree with the wording of OPs post, but I must say that I have noticed several parents I know who have straight up said to me that although their child was showing signs of readiness but they just didn't want to deal with potty training yet. And while I agree that not every kid is ready at 3, I do feel sad for the children whose parents purposefully delay their children's development their because of their own fears of potty training.

Must everything be a competitive sport?

One of my children trained with great, great difficulty and many, many accidents at 3.75. My other child trained very easily with minimal accidents at 2.5. Same parenting, different kids. The one who was out of diapers earlier is in no way "better" than his sister.

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the most defensive threads I've read in a while. Barring some developmental or other special issues, it is atypical not to be trained at 3, and it's just depressing for the little girl who is ready for it.

OP, could you pull off an innocent question about when she'll get trained?

It is in no way "atypical." You are ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the kids at my daughter's school are not fully potty trained at almost 3. Not a big deal.

Same.

At my DD's preschool I would say 75% were trained by 2.5. The teacher was great about helping to train them because the vast majority was old enough to handle it. Yes, of course there are some who just aren't ready. But to not even try is lazy.

My just 3 year old is only just potty trained. She showed interest/self trained at 2.5, then regressed with big life changes. And after dealing with constipation & UTIs with my first I had no inclination to push it before she was truly ready.

Though I am surprised that the niece is bothered by the diapers but not using the potty. Mine just generally didn't care/ actively resisted using the potty (to my immense frustration) but on the occasiona when she wanted to use the potty she would just take her diaper off and take herself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you serious? Not every three year old is ready, simple as that.

THIS! But on the DCUM, every child is trained at 2. However, IRL, tons of kids are trained until after 3.

My experience is the opposite. I only know one mom who waited to 2.5 to start and that seemed late. IRL I have never been friends with anyone with a three year old in diapers. I think all of these people must hang out together and go to special preschools and activities. I've been to three preschool between two kids and the latest they had to be potty trained by was 2 years, 9 months. I never heard of any of the FORTY families at the most recent one complain about it. So, I think the three year old trainers live only on DCUM or maybe they all go to the same preschool.

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you serious? Not every three year old is ready, simple as that.

THIS! But on the DCUM, every child is trained at 2. However, IRL, tons of kids are trained until after 3.

Many preschools require kids to be potty trained at 3. Or they won't take them. For me it was enough reason to put some effort into it and do it before three.

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you serious? Not every three year old is ready, simple as that.

I did not say they are...I have only observed that this one is. I see her often.

I have a friend who was shocked that we potty trained "before three." When I told him it was before two, actually, he was like "why would anyone do that?" It's not that I'm judging them, but I kind of wonder how it's possible that these parents are surprised that kids are potty trained earlier now. It seems like most of the children we know are potty trained long before three these days, and if they aren't, the parents are pretty much like "we're having a hard time with it."

???

OP, are you serious? Not every three year old is ready, simple as that.

Anonymous wrote:MYOB. Our pediatrician told me I could start potty training at 2 and be done at 3 years and 3 months or I could start at 3 and be done at 3 years and 3 months. So, if you knew us, you too would be judging us based on our decision about when to potty train our child. Ours isn't suffering any ill effects and potty training was a breeze.

We started at 2 and were done in 2 days. No tears, no accidents. Not one.

Not saying OP should butt in, but your pediatrician seems like his advice is dated.

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the most defensive threads I've read in a while. Barring some developmental or other special issues, it is atypical not to be trained at 3, and it's just depressing for the little girl who is ready for it.

OP, could you pull off an innocent question about when she'll get trained?

OP here. I appreciate that you recognize some of the defensiveness. I have thought about asking this but I haven't because I don't want to overstep and I know my SIL will not take it well. I think I just try to be supportive of my niece and establish a rapport with her where she can count on me without alienating/undermining her parents. I do agree that it is atypical not to be trained but I don't see a good way out. Like a PP wrote...no one has ever seen an 18 year old who isn't trained. It will happen one day...just so strange to see my younger child potty-trained when my niece is every bit as capable.