Anonymous
05/29/2013 22:55
Subject: Beoming a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be comfortable living off of another adult.
What a peculiar world view. Marriage is not living off someone. It's creating a single economic unit, a partnership.
But then the non working partner loses all leverage. Couldn't do it.
Seriously? This is how you think about your marriage? How sad.
+1. Very sad, indeed.
Anonymous
05/29/2013 22:03
Subject: Beoming a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be comfortable living off of another adult.
What a peculiar world view. Marriage is not living off someone. It's creating a single economic unit, a partnership.
But then the non working partner loses all leverage. Couldn't do it.
Seriously? This is how you think about your marriage? How sad.
Yes, I do think this way. I think many other, more emotionally tinged thoughts, but yea, I'm not interested in losing leverage.
Anonymous
05/29/2013 21:00
Subject: Beoming a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:We were in a similar situation and I left work when the kids were 7, 5 and 1. How much does DH work? In our case, making 500k plus was a 70 hour a week job plus travel, often for the entire week. It is a partnership and our family is much better off with one person working 70 hours than 2 people stressed out trying to work 110 hours a week.
I have watched some of my friends with lower HHI's have trouble surviving on one job. So I would weigh how secure is DH's job and how secure is your marriage. Did you marry after college or grad school? Are both sets of parents are still together? If those two things are true and confident of things after two kids, you are most likely just fine.
Why does her parents' marriage have to do with her marriage? Stuff like this makes my blood boil. I had a boyfriend who gave me a hard time because my parents were divorced. Ironically, his parents divorced a few years later. Me I'm happily married 14 plus years.
Anonymous
05/29/2013 19:48
Subject: Re:Beoming a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:We don't have as much money as you do. We probably never will. We drive older cars, live in a very modest home, vacations are typically spent traveling to visit family.
Three of our children are in college. Two in high school. Our college kids are all on academic scholorships at state schools. No way could we afford to send five kids to college. We don't qualify for any need-based assistance. My kids made good grades because they knew that while we would help with college costs, we couldn't pay full tuition, fees, books, dorms,..... for five kids.
My DH and I both felt that having me at home with the kids was important- more important than almost anything. Had we needed my income for necessities, I absolutely would have gone back to work.
So- My kids are almost grown. The oldest graduates from college in the fall. We'll have an empty nest in just a couple of years. I recently returned to the workforce after 20+ years of being primarily a SAHM. I did teach preschool and kindergarten part-time. I can look back over the last 24 years and honestly say that for our family having me at home has been worth every sacrifice.
Other families will make different choices and their kids will be just fine. You have to make your choice based on you and your DH's priorities, principals, and values. You do that by spending time talking about the things that really matter.
This is a fantastic perspective. Thank you for sharing.
Anonymous
05/29/2013 19:33
Subject: Beoming a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be comfortable living off of another adult.
Anonymous
05/29/2013 19:31
Subject: Re:Beoming a SAHM
We don't have as much money as you do. We probably never will. We drive older cars, live in a very modest home, vacations are typically spent traveling to visit family.
Three of our children are in college. Two in high school. Our college kids are all on academic scholorships at state schools. No way could we afford to send five kids to college. We don't qualify for any need-based assistance. My kids made good grades because they knew that while we would help with college costs, we couldn't pay full tuition, fees, books, dorms,..... for five kids.
My DH and I both felt that having me at home with the kids was important- more important than almost anything. Had we needed my income for necessities, I absolutely would have gone back to work.
So- My kids are almost grown. The oldest graduates from college in the fall. We'll have an empty nest in just a couple of years. I recently returned to the workforce after 20+ years of being primarily a SAHM. I did teach preschool and kindergarten part-time. I can look back over the last 24 years and honestly say that for our family having me at home has been worth every sacrifice.
Other families will make different choices and their kids will be just fine. You have to make your choice based on you and your DH's priorities, principals, and values. You do that by spending time talking about the things that really matter.
Three of our children are in college. Two in high school. Our college kids are all on academic scholorships at state schools. No way could we afford to send five kids to college. We don't qualify for any need-based assistance. My kids made good grades because they knew that while we would help with college costs, we couldn't pay full tuition, fees, books, dorms,..... for five kids.
My DH and I both felt that having me at home with the kids was important- more important than almost anything. Had we needed my income for necessities, I absolutely would have gone back to work.
So- My kids are almost grown. The oldest graduates from college in the fall. We'll have an empty nest in just a couple of years. I recently returned to the workforce after 20+ years of being primarily a SAHM. I did teach preschool and kindergarten part-time. I can look back over the last 24 years and honestly say that for our family having me at home has been worth every sacrifice.
Other families will make different choices and their kids will be just fine. You have to make your choice based on you and your DH's priorities, principals, and values. You do that by spending time talking about the things that really matter.
Anonymous
05/29/2013 19:15
Subject: Re:Beoming a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:You also have to consider the financial dynamics of your marriage. Is it pooled income or do you each have your "own money and "share" some expenses. Are both of you aware of all aspects of your finances? Do you have joint savings beyond 401k and IRAs? Does your DH think he gets more of a say because he makes so much more than you already? You indicate that you save your take home salary, how much beyond 401k do you two save of DH's salary?
this year we are budgeting $57,500 to put away from DH. The money goes into a joint investment account. DH actually just turns his check over to me. I have more of a say in how the money is spent then he does. But only because it just doesn't interest him and he trusts that I will save and spend as necessary. I do tell him what is going on but he just looks at me with a blank stare. In short, he knows that there will be "enough" but the nitty gritty details of how we get there he leaves up to me.
Anonymous
05/29/2013 18:01
Subject: Re:Beoming a SAHM
You also have to consider the financial dynamics of your marriage. Is it pooled income or do you each have your "own money and "share" some expenses. Are both of you aware of all aspects of your finances? Do you have joint savings beyond 401k and IRAs? Does your DH think he gets more of a say because he makes so much more than you already? You indicate that you save your take home salary, how much beyond 401k do you two save of DH's salary?
Anonymous
05/29/2013 17:13
Subject: Beoming a SAHM
I think that the reason no one is looking at this in terms of giving up 20 yrs of money into retirement is because that is a give in. You can take steps to lower the impact of being a sahm but you take a financial hit that you may not be able to completely recoup. On the flip side, you cannot make up the years being home with your kids.
As for your financial advisors advice to fund college 50k in the first 5 years, I can offer the following thoughts. You need to meet with your fa again and talk over how his advice changes if you stop working-- what would be prioritized now. Second, kids get more expensive with activities and camps and possible private school. So saving may get harder even if you keep working. Last, 50k just covers one year of private and maybe two of public at the rates today. So your fa has basically advised you to save less than 1 years worth of tuition in the first 5 years. That leaves 13 years to save the other 3 plus years. Not sure that even makes sense. So skip the 529 and prepaid but definitely consider that the fa has low balled college savings overall.
As for your financial advisors advice to fund college 50k in the first 5 years, I can offer the following thoughts. You need to meet with your fa again and talk over how his advice changes if you stop working-- what would be prioritized now. Second, kids get more expensive with activities and camps and possible private school. So saving may get harder even if you keep working. Last, 50k just covers one year of private and maybe two of public at the rates today. So your fa has basically advised you to save less than 1 years worth of tuition in the first 5 years. That leaves 13 years to save the other 3 plus years. Not sure that even makes sense. So skip the 529 and prepaid but definitely consider that the fa has low balled college savings overall.
Anonymous
05/29/2013 16:41
Subject: Beoming a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wrote about fully funding college. For our family, we have fully funded four years of college under the Virginia prepaid plan for both of our twins that are under 2 years old. We have also begun contributing to a 529 plan and have about 25k in each. We hope to put at least 10k in each fund every year, if not more. We lived frugally when I was working because we knew I would not go back after kids. Not super lean but no extravagant cars or house. we have moved to a larger place because of kids and also bought one larger car. We have no debt other than our mortgage. My husband makes a little over 250k. So, with all that in mind, with your income, I think you should be able to do more than 50k per child with your income.
We could but our financial adviser recommended $50K before 5 and we went on that plan. With the exception of the prepaid plans, I don't think there's any guarantee that what ever you invest will be enough. We moved from VA and I waffled on the VA prepaid plans. They're great and very cost effective and VA has lots of options at many different academic levels--MD, not so much. I'm not sure I want to invest $150K per kid in a 529. If they don't use it, the penalty on the money is pretty high. I'd be okay putting more into a non 529 investment account though.
I think it's interesting that I posted the question about giving up 20 years of $60K investment + 19 years of $60K investment, etc for retirement and most people responded in terms of the security of my marriage and being dependent upon another person.
I agree that I have some reservations about giving up my job. I worked long and hard to get where I am and to walk away from it all makes the education I received seem like a waste.
To answer the the other question about if we could exist on my income alone, the answer is yes. Of course things would have to change and we would have to cut back but we would still be able to pay the bills and feed the family.
You don't have to put all of the $150k into a 529, just put into an account that you have labeled (to yourself) as education. That way if you don't need it all, you can use it as you please.
Anonymous
05/29/2013 16:07
Subject: Beoming a SAHM
It sounds like you don't love your job, but appreciate the seniority you have earned, which is not enough to keep me in a job I don't love. If you enjoy the teaching pt, do that. I was in a job I didnt love and didnt mind walking away from the job knowing I was not going back to that industry.
Anonymous
05/29/2013 15:51
Subject: Beoming a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:I wrote about fully funding college. For our family, we have fully funded four years of college under the Virginia prepaid plan for both of our twins that are under 2 years old. We have also begun contributing to a 529 plan and have about 25k in each. We hope to put at least 10k in each fund every year, if not more. We lived frugally when I was working because we knew I would not go back after kids. Not super lean but no extravagant cars or house. we have moved to a larger place because of kids and also bought one larger car. We have no debt other than our mortgage. My husband makes a little over 250k. So, with all that in mind, with your income, I think you should be able to do more than 50k per child with your income.
We could but our financial adviser recommended $50K before 5 and we went on that plan. With the exception of the prepaid plans, I don't think there's any guarantee that what ever you invest will be enough. We moved from VA and I waffled on the VA prepaid plans. They're great and very cost effective and VA has lots of options at many different academic levels--MD, not so much. I'm not sure I want to invest $150K per kid in a 529. If they don't use it, the penalty on the money is pretty high. I'd be okay putting more into a non 529 investment account though.
I think it's interesting that I posted the question about giving up 20 years of $60K investment + 19 years of $60K investment, etc for retirement and most people responded in terms of the security of my marriage and being dependent upon another person.
I agree that I have some reservations about giving up my job. I worked long and hard to get where I am and to walk away from it all makes the education I received seem like a waste.
To answer the the other question about if we could exist on my income alone, the answer is yes. Of course things would have to change and we would have to cut back but we would still be able to pay the bills and feed the family.
Anonymous
05/29/2013 15:45
Subject: Beoming a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be comfortable living off of another adult.
What a peculiar world view. Marriage is not living off someone. It's creating a single economic unit, a partnership.
But then the non working partner loses all leverage. Couldn't do it.
Seriously? This is how you think about your marriage? How sad.
Anonymous
05/29/2013 15:40
Subject: Beoming a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can definitely afford it financially given your husband's salary.
So I think you need to focus on the intangibles.
+1
I agree.
Anonymous
05/29/2013 15:21
Subject: Beoming a SAHM
I wrote about fully funding college. For our family, we have fully funded four years of college under the Virginia prepaid plan for both of our twins that are under 2 years old. We have also begun contributing to a 529 plan and have about 25k in each. We hope to put at least 10k in each fund every year, if not more. We lived frugally when I was working because we knew I would not go back after kids. Not super lean but no extravagant cars or house. we have moved to a larger place because of kids and also bought one larger car. We have no debt other than our mortgage. My husband makes a little over 250k. So, with all that in mind, with your income, I think you should be able to do more than 50k per child with your income.