Anonymous
06/06/2013 18:33
Subject: Re:Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
My grandmother refused to leave her house and it had been falling apart for years and years. We tried to get her to move into an apartment or in with one of her daughters. She could not financially keep up with the house and neither could her children. We tried for 20 years to come up with a plan but she refused. The house got so bad we did not feel comfortable bringing great grand children over. Mold issues, lead paint, all kinds of things. The house became a real obstacle. There were stairs she could no longer do. We worried about her falling. She did fall eventually and she died. It was so sad because we all wanted her in a safe comfortable place. A house can become a huge obstacle. I would work on a plan now while she is still younger. OP it is could you are voicing your concerns now.
Sounds like all you grandmother wanted was to spend her final years in familiar surroundings full of memories of her lifetime and not in a cold and sterile place that she knew was simply a stopover on her way to the morgue.
Anonymous
06/06/2013 16:28
Subject: Re:Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
My grandmother refused to leave her house and it had been falling apart for years and years. We tried to get her to move into an apartment or in with one of her daughters. She could not financially keep up with the house and neither could her children. We tried for 20 years to come up with a plan but she refused. The house got so bad we did not feel comfortable bringing great grand children over. Mold issues, lead paint, all kinds of things. The house became a real obstacle. There were stairs she could no longer do. We worried about her falling. She did fall eventually and she died. It was so sad because we all wanted her in a safe comfortable place. A house can become a huge obstacle. I would work on a plan now while she is still younger. OP it is could you are voicing your concerns now.
Anonymous
06/06/2013 16:12
Subject: Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
The sister in law is putting the house if her name but trying to get you to pay for repairs?? Are you kidding me?? O, are you this naive?? That means when mom dies, she gets the house. If mom is not on the title at all, sister in law can kick her out and sell the house! My lord. Do not give a dime.
Anonymous
06/06/2013 16:07
Subject: Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How old is your MIL?
Early seventies.
She could easily live for 10-15 more years, requiring financial assistance each year in order to maintain her independence. You need to discuss with DH what you are able to do each year going forward and communicate this to SIL. I would not be surprised if SIL is trying to keep MIL in the house to avoid having to take her into her own house.
Oh good heavens no. Plan ahead. Everyone in my family lives forever. My maternal grandfather: 105. My maternal grandmother 97. Paternal grandmother 97. Greatgrandmother 105. There would be more longevity statistics but the wars took out the men. We had to pay for 30 years in assisted living for a relative who broke her hip exercising in her mid-70s. Plan for more than 10-15 years.
Anonymous
06/06/2013 16:03
Subject: Re:Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
Anonymous wrote:
Food, medicine, heat for parents is too much of an inconvenience? This is hardly establishing an extravagant lifestyle. I understand not throwing money into a deteriorating house (although assisting with basic housing expenses is another issue). How is it that we have become a society that feels no obligation to our elderly relatives?
I think since elderly chose to be independent. Families used to live all together or close to each other, as a community. In Eastern cultures elders live in the family. In Western culture they want to be independently - live on their own, often miles away from the other family members, keep their own house, drive their own car, etc. So the assumption is - if you're independent, you should be able to pay for yourself financially, because other people should not be financing your lifestyle. If you just want food and shelter - move in with other relatives.
Anonymous
06/06/2013 11:12
Subject: Re:Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
Anonymous wrote:OP - Is your mother eligible for Food Stamps, HEAP, and other government assistance?
I am always amazed by people who so readily push government assistance for family members for basic needs like food--push the support of family members off on all taxpayers instead of providing basic care yourselves. How do you live with yourselves? Food, medicine, heat for parents is too much of an inconvenience? This is hardly establishing an extravagant lifestyle. I understand not throwing money into a deteriorating house (although assisting with basic housing expenses is another issue). How is it that we have become a society that feels no obligation to our elderly relatives?
I'm not opposed to helping my family but why not help after they take advantage of any government programs that are available. God knows I pay enough in taxes that are used to fund such programs.
Anonymous
06/06/2013 08:59
Subject: Re:Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
OP - Is your mother eligible for Food Stamps, HEAP, and other government assistance?
I am always amazed by people who so readily push government assistance for family members for basic needs like food--push the support of family members off on all taxpayers instead of providing basic care yourselves. How do you live with yourselves? Food, medicine, heat for parents is too much of an inconvenience? This is hardly establishing an extravagant lifestyle. I understand not throwing money into a deteriorating house (although assisting with basic housing expenses is another issue). How is it that we have become a society that feels no obligation to our elderly relatives?
Anonymous
06/05/2013 23:37
Subject: Re:Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
what do you mean?Anonymous wrote:
I help my own folks, FWIW, but your situation is starting to smell funny.
Anonymous
06/05/2013 16:01
Subject: Re:Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
I was told SIL is working "putting the house in her name" (I have no idea what it means) and will pay the insurance.
It means she's fixing to get the house when MIL dies. Perhaps even before that happens. No one should ever put a primary residence in some one else's name (spouses excluded). Ever.
It's understandable that someone on 2K a month might need a little help with a major expense from time to time. But if the house is going in SIL's name, she can pay to renovate and maintain it.
I help my own folks, FWIW, but your situation is starting to smell funny.
Anonymous
06/05/2013 14:59
Subject: Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - Is your mother eligible for Food Stamps, HEAP, and other government assistance?
Is she willing to take on housemates to cover expenses?
No, she's not. She has a retirement fund and gets a social security check which was $2000 a few years ago. With a mortgage paid off and given the cost of living in her town she should be able to live comfortably. But obviously she's not.
No one knows what her financial situation is because they're uncomfortable bringing it up. They would rather just give money.
THIS is a problem. There needs to be a serious come to jesus talk in this family.
Anonymous
06/04/2013 22:14
Subject: Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
Anonymous wrote:OP - Is your mother eligible for Food Stamps, HEAP, and other government assistance?
Is she willing to take on housemates to cover expenses?
No, she's not. She has a retirement fund and gets a social security check which was $2000 a few years ago. With a mortgage paid off and given the cost of living in her town she should be able to live comfortably. But obviously she's not.
No one knows what her financial situation is because they're uncomfortable bringing it up. They would rather just give money.
Anonymous
06/04/2013 22:11
Subject: Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
OP here. I was told that she can't afford the home insurance, $500 a year. I was told SIL is working "putting the house in her name" (I have no idea what it means) and will pay the insurance.
Why? Why is she paying for all this? - I asked. Because she wants to be nice. She's her mother. My husband too wants to be "nice".
I said that if you can't afford 500 a year then something is seriously wrong with your finances.
But DH won't talk to MIL about finances. They're so intimated by the subject - they would rather just give money and not ask any questions.
I feel like there's something wrong with this picture, but I can't exactly pinpoint where.
Why? Why is she paying for all this? - I asked. Because she wants to be nice. She's her mother. My husband too wants to be "nice".
I said that if you can't afford 500 a year then something is seriously wrong with your finances.
But DH won't talk to MIL about finances. They're so intimated by the subject - they would rather just give money and not ask any questions.
I feel like there's something wrong with this picture, but I can't exactly pinpoint where.
Anonymous
06/04/2013 18:02
Subject: Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
OP - Is your mother eligible for Food Stamps, HEAP, and other government assistance?
Is she willing to take on housemates to cover expenses?
Is she willing to take on housemates to cover expenses?
Anonymous
06/04/2013 17:59
Subject: Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
OP - Sounds like you are being set up to flush money down the toilet for a sinking ship.
Anonymous
06/04/2013 17:56
Subject: Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?
"The insurance issue is a real problem -- perhaps offer to help that. "
And how. Our neighbor thought homeowner's insurance was a ripoff/racket and convinced his airhead wife to discontinue their homeowner's insurance when their mortgage was paid off.
DH and I were younger, but managed to pay off our mortgage in 10 years before we were 40. DH suggested discontinuing our homeowner's insurance.
I nixed that idea in the bud because I couldn't sleep a wink without homeowner's insurance. I also pointed out to DH the many homeowner's insurance claims we had made while paying off the mortgage. Duh!
Sure enough, the following winter, we had a huge ice storm in our area. Most of our expenses were promptly paid, the cheapo neighbor got nada.
And how. Our neighbor thought homeowner's insurance was a ripoff/racket and convinced his airhead wife to discontinue their homeowner's insurance when their mortgage was paid off.
DH and I were younger, but managed to pay off our mortgage in 10 years before we were 40. DH suggested discontinuing our homeowner's insurance.
I nixed that idea in the bud because I couldn't sleep a wink without homeowner's insurance. I also pointed out to DH the many homeowner's insurance claims we had made while paying off the mortgage. Duh!
Sure enough, the following winter, we had a huge ice storm in our area. Most of our expenses were promptly paid, the cheapo neighbor got nada.