Anonymous
05/15/2013 20:17
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
My in-laws pissed away every penny they ever had - including a lot of inherited money. There is no way I am going to delay my retirement or save less on my kids' education because of their foolish decisions over many years. the boats, the parties, the booze... Not on my tab.
Anonymous
05/15/2013 19:40
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
Not Asian, but supported parents on both side.
Anonymous
05/15/2013 17:40
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I will always take care of my parents-period.
If I have the money it is theirs. If they have to live with me-fine. I don't even like my mother but that doesn't erase my obligation to care for her should she need it.
That is what life is about. If you are able to care for the aging then you do it. It shouldn't come as a surprise, you should expect it from the start. If they don't end up needing the help then great.
Are you forgoing retirement planning and savings, because you expect your children to support you?
I have different mindset than you. My retirement plan is to be debt free, in a paid off house that is suitable for someone who is aging. My retirement plan is to always have a source of income no matter what my stage of health- in the form of royalties and other business income. My retirement plan assumes that by the time I retire...should I choose to, these things called 401ks will not exist nor will SS the way we think of it today.
And my parenting plan includes raising children who have a sense of honor and dignity. If we end up in a tough spot then it shouldn't be a big shock or a burden to make you angry. Your parents take care of you, you take care of your parents. I will never turn my nose up at my parents and I can only hope I can raise kids who feel the same.
Do what works for you.
Are you Asian, pp? (I am, too, btw. )
No I am not, but I am a superior mother.
Anonymous
05/15/2013 16:17
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I will always take care of my parents-period.
If I have the money it is theirs. If they have to live with me-fine. I don't even like my mother but that doesn't erase my obligation to care for her should she need it.
That is what life is about. If you are able to care for the aging then you do it. It shouldn't come as a surprise, you should expect it from the start. If they don't end up needing the help then great.
Are you forgoing retirement planning and savings, because you expect your children to support you?
I have different mindset than you. My retirement plan is to be debt free, in a paid off house that is suitable for someone who is aging. My retirement plan is to always have a source of income no matter what my stage of health- in the form of royalties and other business income. My retirement plan assumes that by the time I retire...should I choose to, these things called 401ks will not exist nor will SS the way we think of it today.
And my parenting plan includes raising children who have a sense of honor and dignity. If we end up in a tough spot then it shouldn't be a big shock or a burden to make you angry. Your parents take care of you, you take care of your parents. I will never turn my nose up at my parents and I can only hope I can raise kids who feel the same.
Do what works for you.
Are you Asian, pp? (I am, too, btw. )
No I am not, but I am a superior mother.
Anonymous
05/15/2013 16:06
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
Anonymous wrote:
Are you Asian, pp? (I am, too, btw. )
I'm the pp who supports my parents financially. We are Asian.
Several people we know do this. It is not uncommon.
+1
Anonymous
05/15/2013 15:59
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
Anonymous wrote:What about your in-laws. How do you feel about having to take care of your MIL? Especially if you're a SAHM.
I have a great MIL but both she and I need our own nests to stay sane. DH and I have bought a condo with BIL and wife for the parents to live-in in order to stabilize their rent situation. They pay what they can towards the mortgage, utilities and upkeep and we chip in the rest. That will probably be the plan until both need to go to a 24-hour care facility. Then we will sell the condo and use the proceeds for their other needs if necessary.
Anonymous
05/15/2013 15:53
Subject: Re:If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
\What about your in-laws. How do you feel about having to take care of your MIL? Especially if you're a SAHM.
taking care financially or physically?
Anonymous
05/15/2013 15:47
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
What about your in-laws. How do you feel about having to take care of your MIL? Especially if you're a SAHM.
Anonymous
05/15/2013 15:37
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
By bringing your aging parents into your home, you are actually providing much more than financial help.
Anonymous
05/15/2013 15:23
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I will always take care of my parents-period.
If I have the money it is theirs. If they have to live with me-fine. I don't even like my mother but that doesn't erase my obligation to care for her should she need it.
That is what life is about. If you are able to care for the aging then you do it. It shouldn't come as a surprise, you should expect it from the start. If they don't end up needing the help then great.
Are you forgoing retirement planning and savings, because you expect your children to support you?
I have different mindset than you. My retirement plan is to be debt free, in a paid off house that is suitable for someone who is aging. My retirement plan is to always have a source of income no matter what my stage of health- in the form of royalties and other business income. My retirement plan assumes that by the time I retire...should I choose to, these things called 401ks will not exist nor will SS the way we think of it today.
And my parenting plan includes raising children who have a sense of honor and dignity. If we end up in a tough spot then it shouldn't be a big shock or a burden to make you angry. Your parents take care of you, you take care of your parents. I will never turn my nose up at my parents and I can only hope I can raise kids who feel the same.
Do what works for you.
1) not every parent takes care of their child (read the news AND DCUM and you will find this out)
2) some people can provide advice, information, support but may not have the financial resources or the assurance that their parent will properly use those resources to their betterment and own support...( I know ...I had a parent who gambled away everything he had...which was not much ...BECAUSE HE NEVER -- EVER -- SAVED )
3) every person's situation is different..and unique to their family's circumstances and relationships...
4) your sanctimonious attitude usually stems from guilt of the lack of a real emotional relationship with the parent in question (you said you don't like your mom)...so you try to make up for it by fulfilling your "obligation"
If you parent didn't take care of you, then you likely wouldn't be having this discussion.
Furthermore, do you know what "do what works for you" means?
Look bicker all day. Obviously something I said hit a nerve because I haven't insulted you yet. My attitude stems from having morals. I am not wishy washy on right and wrong-sorry. If I have a roof over my head then so do my parents. If I have food and money then so do they.
I have a mother and a father- they will be treated the same even though I don't feel the same way about them. Do what works for you.
I did the post with the numbered items...I did not write "do what works for you"
And I was writing from a point of taking umbrage with what you and others have posted as if people without resources...or who control how...and the ways they may help their parents are somehow morally lacking...
There are all kinds of ways to help people...and sometimes shelling out cash does more to hurt than help...
There are even kids who help out parents who treated them like s*&*, but to take the position that one set of actions is the only RIGHT thing to do is...well...SILLY!
Anonymous
05/15/2013 15:22
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I will always take care of my parents-period.
If I have the money it is theirs. If they have to live with me-fine. I don't even like my mother but that doesn't erase my obligation to care for her should she need it.
That is what life is about. If you are able to care for the aging then you do it. It shouldn't come as a surprise, you should expect it from the start. If they don't end up needing the help then great.
Are you forgoing retirement planning and savings, because you expect your children to support you?
I have different mindset than you. My retirement plan is to be debt free, in a paid off house that is suitable for someone who is aging. My retirement plan is to always have a source of income no matter what my stage of health- in the form of royalties and other business income. My retirement plan assumes that by the time I retire...should I choose to, these things called 401ks will not exist nor will SS the way we think of it today.
And my parenting plan includes raising children who have a sense of honor and dignity. If we end up in a tough spot then it shouldn't be a big shock or a burden to make you angry. Your parents take care of you, you take care of your parents. I will never turn my nose up at my parents and I can only hope I can raise kids who feel the same.
Do what works for you.
Are you Asian, pp? (I am, too, btw. )
I'm the pp who supports my parents financially. We are Asian.
Several people we know do this. It is not uncommon.
Anonymous
05/15/2013 15:21
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your plan? We are early 30's, DH's parents have an excellent pension and VA health care, but my parents have been hinting that they are not well-prepared for retirement. I haven't come out and asked, but I'm thinking we need to start making plans to help them. They are almost 60, so have some years left to work, but I don't think they are bringing in a whole lot right now. Their house is worth at least twice what they paid for it (18 years ago) but is not in sellable shape right now (and seems to be getting worse since they became empty nesters). What would you advise? TIA!
OP, what did your parents think was going to happen?
I am always surprised by people not having prepared for the future. I just don't get it.
My advice is to talk to them about what you can and cannot do, and when you implement it, make sure that you have control. Do not, e.g. just give them cash each month, because they have demonstrated that they are not capable of planning and budgeting.
We support my parents financially. We give them $4000 per month. We give them money because they are my parents and I love them. Kicking my parents to the curb so that they can learn a lesson would not sit well by me.
Give me a break...PP is talking about not giving money directly to people who have already demonstrated poor planning and money management skills.
if your parents can budget and not waste AND YOU CAN AFFORD $4000 a month BULLY FOR YOU.
Some people have parents that SUCK WITH MONEY AND DO NOT PLAN FOR LIFE...
Does not mean the kids don't want to help...just means they need to CONTROL THE HELP THEY GIVE!
What a concept...
My parents were immigrants with low paying jobs. For their entire lives, they barely made enough to pay the bills. When I first started working, I used to give them $500 just so they could have a slightly better lifestyle and not worry about bills all the time. Then it became $1000. When we had a child, my mom stopped working so that she could watch my son while DH and I worked so we started giving them $3000 a month. We moved out of state and they can no longer watch our kids but their expenses are the same. For the first time in their lives, they are not stressed about money.
Anonymous
05/15/2013 15:08
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I will always take care of my parents-period.
If I have the money it is theirs. If they have to live with me-fine. I don't even like my mother but that doesn't erase my obligation to care for her should she need it.
That is what life is about. If you are able to care for the aging then you do it. It shouldn't come as a surprise, you should expect it from the start. If they don't end up needing the help then great.
Are you forgoing retirement planning and savings, because you expect your children to support you?
I have different mindset than you. My retirement plan is to be debt free, in a paid off house that is suitable for someone who is aging. My retirement plan is to always have a source of income no matter what my stage of health- in the form of royalties and other business income. My retirement plan assumes that by the time I retire...should I choose to, these things called 401ks will not exist nor will SS the way we think of it today.
And my parenting plan includes raising children who have a sense of honor and dignity. If we end up in a tough spot then it shouldn't be a big shock or a burden to make you angry. Your parents take care of you, you take care of your parents. I will never turn my nose up at my parents and I can only hope I can raise kids who feel the same.
Do what works for you.
Are you Asian, pp? (I am, too, btw. )
Anonymous
05/15/2013 15:02
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I will always take care of my parents-period.
If I have the money it is theirs. If they have to live with me-fine. I don't even like my mother but that doesn't erase my obligation to care for her should she need it.
That is what life is about. If you are able to care for the aging then you do it. It shouldn't come as a surprise, you should expect it from the start. If they don't end up needing the help then great.
Are you forgoing retirement planning and savings, because you expect your children to support you?
I have different mindset than you. My retirement plan is to be debt free, in a paid off house that is suitable for someone who is aging. My retirement plan is to always have a source of income no matter what my stage of health- in the form of royalties and other business income. My retirement plan assumes that by the time I retire...should I choose to, these things called 401ks will not exist nor will SS the way we think of it today.
And my parenting plan includes raising children who have a sense of honor and dignity. If we end up in a tough spot then it shouldn't be a big shock or a burden to make you angry. Your parents take care of you, you take care of your parents. I will never turn my nose up at my parents and I can only hope I can raise kids who feel the same.
Do what works for you.
1) not every parent takes care of their child (read the news AND DCUM and you will find this out)
2) some people can provide advice, information, support but may not have the financial resources or the assurance that their parent will properly use those resources to their betterment and own support...( I know ...I had a parent who gambled away everything he had...which was not much ...BECAUSE HE NEVER -- EVER -- SAVED )
3) every person's situation is different..and unique to their family's circumstances and relationships...
4) your sanctimonious attitude usually stems from guilt of the lack of a real emotional relationship with the parent in question (you said you don't like your mom)...so you try to make up for it by fulfilling your "obligation"
If you parent didn't take care of you, then you likely wouldn't be having this discussion.
Furthermore, do you know what "do what works for you" means?
Look bicker all day. Obviously something I said hit a nerve because I haven't insulted you yet. My attitude stems from having morals. I am not wishy washy on right and wrong-sorry. If I have a roof over my head then so do my parents. If I have food and money then so do they.
I have a mother and a father- they will be treated the same even though I don't feel the same way about them. Do what works for you.
Anonymous
05/15/2013 14:52
Subject: If your financial plans include caring for aging parents...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I will always take care of my parents-period.
If I have the money it is theirs. If they have to live with me-fine. I don't even like my mother but that doesn't erase my obligation to care for her should she need it.
That is what life is about. If you are able to care for the aging then you do it. It shouldn't come as a surprise, you should expect it from the start. If they don't end up needing the help then great.
Are you forgoing retirement planning and savings, because you expect your children to support you?
I have different mindset than you. My retirement plan is to be debt free, in a paid off house that is suitable for someone who is aging. My retirement plan is to always have a source of income no matter what my stage of health- in the form of royalties and other business income. My retirement plan assumes that by the time I retire...should I choose to, these things called 401ks will not exist nor will SS the way we think of it today.
And my parenting plan includes raising children who have a sense of honor and dignity. If we end up in a tough spot then it shouldn't be a big shock or a burden to make you angry. Your parents take care of you, you take care of your parents. I will never turn my nose up at my parents and I can only hope I can raise kids who feel the same.
Do what works for you.
And you know this ... how?