I am wondering... 2 kids from my DCs class who had been suspended for bullying last year were accepted at a Big 3 school for HS. Do school's pass this kind of info along? Is there such a thing as a "permanent record"? Or do school's say they had their punishment and now the record is wiped clean? These weren't stellar students, one was an athlete. I guess I'm just wondering how much school's care about this kind of thing.

My daughter is in an all girls school and is much happier there than a co-Ed school. I am saddened to hear about this from NCS or any private girls school. My daughter would never participate when boys were around. Often embarrassed and shy. She has come out of her shell the last few years and loves the girls and the teachers and knowing her opinion is valued.

I do not buy the fact that this happens everywhere and the school can't do anything. Its about the school culture and therefore leadership. Yes, there are mean kids everywhere, but you don't have kids stepping back and letting it happen everywhere. When I think about the things my DD experienced in front of other girls . . .

I think many of us wish we had never sent our daughters there but once in it feels like you are sacrificing too much in terms of preparing for college, established relationships, etc, to pull a girl out. This is wrong and many of realize in retrospect that it is wrong, so my message to parents of unhappy kids is LEAVE.

I think it's absolutely crucial for administration to take it seriously and not just say girls will be girls. I went to an all girls school and would not send a daughter nor will I donate a cent to that school (not NCS). For every nice girl who values treating everyone with respect there are 5 mean girls who are looking to rip you apart especially if you..

-get good grades and win awards
-date the ex-boyfriend of a mean girl
-get asked out by a guy a mean girl has a crush on
-don't dress in the latest styles
-defend someone being gossiped about
-don't suck up to the queen bees

Anonymous wrote:

Are you serious, do you really think a faculty member would risk their job over an honest student rec? The recs are approved before they're submitted and are not totally confidential at least a handful of staff-admin read them. Admin/faculty only put up with a lot of shit to avoid the wrath of certain parents.

Point is they have tools with consequences . . . they apparently aren't opting to use them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD graduated in the last five years. Her senior year I spoke with school staff about the "relational aggression". I said " you have a serious bullying problem here. This is no joke"

I had heard all the rumors, I had even heard it from previous parents but did not see real signs of it until senior year.

Response from staff, a very sympathetic " We know and there is nothing we can do" meaning the consequences they had were pretty meaningless to a group of senior girls. I think they were trying but the girls knew they were not going to get kicked out of school for being bit#$es so they continued.

They don't write recommendation letters for college?

X is an excellent student, but has serious problems relating to her classmates . . . "

Are you serious, do you really think a faculty member would risk their job over an honest student rec? The recs are approved before they're submitted and are not totally confidential at least a handful of staff-admin read them. Admin/faculty only put up with a lot of shit to avoid the wrath of certain parents.

Anonymous wrote:DD graduated in the last five years. Her senior year I spoke with school staff about the "relational aggression". I said " you have a serious bullying problem here. This is no joke"

I had heard all the rumors, I had even heard it from previous parents but did not see real signs of it until senior year.

Response from staff, a very sympathetic " We know and there is nothing we can do" meaning the consequences they had were pretty meaningless to a group of senior girls. I think they were trying but the girls knew they were not going to get kicked out of school for being bit#$es so they continued.

They don't write recommendation letters for college?

X is an excellent student, but has serious problems relating to her classmates . . . "

This does happen in all schools. The parents of girls who do this type of thing want to blame it on others. We let a very nice family out of their contract last month. The child enrolled in another private and by the end of the first week she had half of the girls in class very upset. This the third school in two years.

Overall, we love the school. But, this problem does exist and the administration knows about it. Wish they would become interested in addressing it. I do not expect them to completely solve the problem--that's impossible at any school. But I do think they should become engaged and helpful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For NCS parents reporting bullying--knowing what you now know, if you could go back in time, would you still send your daughter there? Have the positives outweighed the negatives?

No, in hindsight I would not have sent my DD to NCS. By positives do you mean college placement, my answer would still be No.

And, by the way, not expressing sour groups regarding college placement, she was extremely successful...high gpa, excellent test scores, deep ECs, substantial essays (from what I've been told) would have likely been just as successful applying from a suburban public.

So why didn't you pull her out and send her to a suburban public school if she was so unhappy?

At the time, I was harboring an ignorant girls will be mean to each other and outgrow it attitude. Now I know better, and fully get that I passively participated in the culture at the school by not pulling her out after realizing that admin/teachers were behaving like helpless bystanders.

By the way, DD wasn't directly bullied but had friends who were or knew of other girls who were and as a result she was too afraid to say anything for fear of retaliation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For NCS parents reporting bullying--knowing what you now know, if you could go back in time, would you still send your daughter there? Have the positives outweighed the negatives?

No, in hindsight I would not have sent my DD to NCS. By positives do you mean college placement, my answer would still be No.

And, by the way, not expressing sour groups regarding college placement, she was extremely successful...high gpa, excellent test scores, deep ECs, substantial essays (from what I've been told) would have likely been just as successful applying from a suburban public.

So why didn't you pull her out and send her to a suburban public school if she was so unhappy?

Anonymous wrote:For NCS parents reporting bullying--knowing what you now know, if you could go back in time, would you still send your daughter there? Have the positives outweighed the negatives?

No, in hindsight I would not have sent my DD to NCS. By positives do you mean college placement, my answer would still be No.

And, by the way, not expressing sour groups regarding college placement, she was extremely successful...high gpa, excellent test scores, deep ECs, substantial essays (from what I've been told) would have likely been just as successful applying from a suburban public.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Then why aren't there similarly repetitive threads regarding Stone Ridge, Visitation or Holton? Please stop minimizing the problem. It does exist. I have a senior at NCS.

I'm not minimizing the problem. I am just saying that it is a problem in lots of schools, including public schools, around here.

And for some reason, NCS is the biggest target on this board. Haven't you followed Holton Mom on here?

Who is Holton Mom?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But I don't see what the school can do in individual cases. Girls are just mean in junior high and high school.

Meanness can't be stamped out, but schools can choose to invest in pushing back or they can just let it flourish. They can proactively teach the bystander majority how to counter bullying; they can work with bullies; they can suspend or expel the worst offenders. I think the "girls will be girls" response is just as much a cop-out as "boys will be boys" when it comes to physical aggression or destructive behavior.

This is not meant to be a comment on NCS, btw, as I have no real knowledge of the school.

+1. The most upsetting thing to me is how the other girls nothing while that behavior goes on. I wish the NCS folks would read this thread,

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Then why aren't there similarly repetitive threads regarding Stone Ridge, Visitation or Holton? Please stop minimizing the problem. It does exist. I have a senior at NCS.

I'm not minimizing the problem. I am just saying that it is a problem in lots of schools, including public schools, around here.

And for some reason, NCS is the biggest target on this board. Haven't you followed Holton Mom on here?